How long should feelings develop before you get into a relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    Just wondering... I know a lot of you have rushed into relationships, I included.. But have you met that person where you are willing to take your time with your feelings to develop deeply for something in the future?


    So basically would it be better to rush and rush into the I love yous, or to make the best of it, and take its time and let the love flourish.

    I know in finding someone, I can't make them feel the way I do... It just has to happen...
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Oct 02, 2011 11:49 PM GMT
    You can't really put a time table on something like that. It all happens however and whenever it happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    I don't even know what is a 'relationship', too many definition.

    I really think what matter is to take it day by day, not focusing on how long you have been together, and not caring about how long it will last.

    You don't enter a relationship because you say so, at a moment you decide. Same way, saying I love you doesn't mean you are in love, or that the love is shared.

    An other very important point is to have enough experience to recognize the initial obsessive mix of lust and fascination (hormonal reaction), and the chemistry compatibility behind it.

    Take your time, every experience makes you more able to handle the next one.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2011 12:23 AM GMT
    HighOctane saidYou can't really put a time table on something like that. It all happens however and whenever it happens.
    This is very true.

    HighOctane has some really good posts. You should just look up his posts and see his responses. He's usually right on.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Oct 03, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    Is a crush a relationship? If so, 5 seconds works for me. Other than that, I think it's something you have to talk about and share your feelings, expectations, life plans....it's complicated.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Oct 03, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    Play it by ear, but no more than 14.83 seconds.

    C'mon man, who could possibly answer this? Half the decision isn't even yours and no one can be inside your mind or his.

    My longest, deepest, most rewarding and profoundly life-affecting relationship began at eye contact and lasted until the man died.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    today i went on a date with someone who told me they are definitely moving in a year. i would have liked to pursue something with him, but now i feel like "why bother?"
  • Jaxom

    Posts: 118

    Oct 03, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    Fools rush in.

    I've never had anything good come from rushing into things. But the ones I did take my time with, though in the end things didn't work out we are still friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    This is very personal to everyone, although I do tend to think that people (in general, not just gays) rush into a "relationship" with expectations in tow.

    In my very first LTR we said those three little words after a weekend together, and we were together for two years. Might have been together to this day if school and careers and geography hadn't kept throwing roadblocks at us.

    But in another case I'd been seeing someone for a year without ever saying it (because I didn't feel it). I kept hoping that feeling would develop but it didn't. In retrospect I'm glad we weren't shackled by saying that L word because we both liked each other, but obviously weren't right for each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    It is always a complicated situation. If you rush into a relationship, it is highly possible that the relationship may end up ugly. If you wait too long for feelings to develop, you may stuck in the friend zone in the end. Remember it takes two to tango. The best thing to do is to play by the ear and don't set your expectations too high. But, again, it is easier to say than to do especially if you have strong feelings for someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    Rule of thumb, be friends for a year, date, fuck, whatever. Nothing serious. Even living together is ok, just don't expect anything for a year.
  • sonnet129

    Posts: 116

    Oct 03, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    Apparently I've never been in one. I've thought I was, then was told in no uncertain terms that wasn't the case. Whatever. I'm used to being single at this point. I even came out early (16), I've lived in large cities, small cities. I've been active in social and political groups. Anyway, whatever. I've kind of written off being in a romantic relationship at this point.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Oct 03, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    it takes a while no time line can be put on it. differant people r differant ways.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    I don't know, I think it's really a personal and individual situation for everyone. It was truly love at first sight for Ravco and me, and we've been together almost 12 years now.

    Make the development of your relationship move as quickly as you're comfortable. Most times, these things don't need to be analyzed to within an inch of their lives.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    That is a hard question. Too many variables to factor in. Go with what seems right at the time and what best suits you. You won't know til you try. It is strictly a trial and error thing. The desired results are known or rather hypothesized but the actual outcome is unknown til experienced.
  • davidsticky69

    Posts: 412

    Oct 03, 2011 2:39 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidHowever long it takes you to put the condom on.


    Put a condom on the banana ? (That's how they teach us in SEX EDUCATION here in Asia icon_lol.gif )

    Judging from the way that guy in the video fumbled with the condom and the HUGE banana, I'd say it takes forever to put on the condom PROPERLY ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2011 12:12 AM GMT
    davidsticky69 said
    Trollileo saidHowever long it takes you to put the condom on.


    Put a condom on the banana ? (That's how they teach us in SEX EDUCATION here in Asia icon_lol.gif )

    Judging from the way that guy in the video fumbled with the condom and the HUGE banana, I'd say it takes forever to put on the condom PROPERLY ;)


    Say what icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    As long as the feelings are mutual and understood; time is irrelevant as gender and a legal age. Go with your gut instincts when you feel it's right. If you question if it's right or not, then it may not be right to proceed.
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    Oct 22, 2011 7:32 PM GMT
    knowwunder saidAs long as the feelings are mutual and understood; time is irrelevant as gender and a legal age. Go with your gut instincts when you feel it's right. If you question if it's right or not, then it may not be right to proceed.


    Good point!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 7:45 PM GMT
    Sometimes it's taken months. Sometimes it's taken a day. I will tell you that the fall hard and fast experiences I've had have all blown up in my face. I'm not saying that it's a rule or anything, but it is a personal trend. I'm enjoying taking things slow(er) with my current boy. It's nice taking your time to learn and uncover more and more about each other.

    I just say do what feels right, and don't let anyone tell you what to do. Remember, there is no such thing as "the way things are SUPPOSED to be." There's only "the way things are."

    Love, laugh, get hurt, cry, love again … it's all part of the human experience. Enjoy it. icon_wink.gif