Advice...Please help?

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 02, 2011 11:49 PM GMT
    So I met a guy about a month ago....Discovered him on FB...I actually know his family member and ironically he lives about 3 blocks away from me.I would have never known that he was gay.

    So we talked online...on the phone for a little and then we hung out...I went over to his house late on a saturday and sat around a fire in his yard and we just talked for like 2.5 hrs.

    He didnt make any moves or anything.

    After that I thought he was really cool...he was so funny.

    We talked on the phone after that but mostly text.

    He said he open to anything that comes his way...friends,hanging out and then everntually hooking up...or having a boyfriend...whatever happens he said.

    Hes not a great Texting person and he told me that....he told me he doesnt like to txt but yet he would send me texts....Horrible at responding to them quickly and consistantly.

    Like a week after we hung out he txt me after work asking if I would give him a massage(he hurt his back at work and I jokinly told him If he wanted a massage)....I went over gave him a 10 min massage,then he asked me to go to a couple places with him...it was really cool and fun...The time we hung out we talked about random things and their were a couple of times where he said "oh we should do this....or oh we should do that sometime"

    Since then we have only been txting. its been about 2 weeks....he sometimes answers my texts....hasnt always answered my calls....kind of hot n cold....I want to hang out with him more but he hasnt seemed to wanna do anything or ask me to hang out.

    Theirs more details etc etc.

    What do you guys think? Sorry for the long story but I need advice



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2011 11:58 PM GMT
    not-that-into-you-heart-sweetart-candy.p

    (so don't get hung up on him)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2011 11:59 PM GMT
    He is a follower, not a leader.
    It mean you have to propose things to do.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    Im trying to figure that out if its one of those situations "hes just not into you" things.

    He seemed like he kind of was to be honest...I mean we didnt cross the friend zone.

    Since the last time we hung out he said he has been going through some stuff with his life and his car got robbed...so I understand shit happens.

    I just wonder If i tetxed him too much or something...Im not even a clingy guy...I justy liked him and im wondering if he knows that.....a few days ago he said "sorry Ive been so busy I wanna chill with you and be friends with you but ive had a lot fo things going on this week"
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    Oct 03, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    Be a man, CALL HIM and say, HEY, I really enjoyed our time together, I want to hang out again, can I take you out to dinner TOMORROW?...texts are convenient, but there is nothing like hearing a voice...and why you let it go two weeks before asking him out, sends him a message that you are not into him...
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    garycally saidBe a man, CALL HIM and say, HEY, I really enjoyed our time together, I want to hang out again, can I take you out to dinner TOMORROW?...texts are convenient, but there is nothing like hearing a voice...and why you let it go two weeks before asking him out, sends him a message that you are not into him...


    Your right...the only reason why I didnt is because I wasnt sure if I shoudl take it slow.The last 2 times I called him he never answered...trust me i would rather hear a voice....within those 2 weeks I tried making plans to chill or see a movie and nothing ever happened.

    I txt him within those 2 weeks bc it was conveniant...he just started becoming slow with responses and thats when I called him out...I just hope I didnt txt too much...which I dont think I did
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Oct 03, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    comical44 said I wanna chill with you and be friends with you but ive had a lot fo things going on this week"


    Sounds like an answer. If you're not hung up on taking it further, it could be a good thing.

    Circumstances may change too. I don't feel very romantic or sexual when I'm stressed out. He might want to put things on hold, just for the moment. Nothing to lose in this situation.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 12:15 AM GMT
    wild_sky360 said
    comical44 said I wanna chill with you and be friends with you but ive had a lot fo things going on this week"


    Sounds like an answer. If you're not hung up on taking it further, it could be a good thing.

    Circumstances may change too. I don't feel very romantic or sexual when I'm stressed out. He might want to put things on hold, just for the moment. Nothing to lose in this situation.


    I agree...when he said that he seemed genuine...i think hes just got some things going on the last cpl weeks.I have made more of an attempt to hang out and get to know each other but they havjnt worked.

    I have a question...me and him arnt "super close" but we have talked a good amount and hun out twice....like i said above he has kind of been a little distant the last week or 2......

    Do you think he would think I was weird or pushy if I walked over to his house adn knocked on the door? He lives with his mom(hes nice)...so I wasnt sure
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Oct 03, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    comical44 said
    wild_sky360 said
    comical44 said I wanna chill with you and be friends with you but ive had a lot fo things going on this week"


    Sounds like an answer. If you're not hung up on taking it further, it could be a good thing.

    Circumstances may change too. I don't feel very romantic or sexual when I'm stressed out. He might want to put things on hold, just for the moment. Nothing to lose in this situation.


    I agree...when he said that he seemed genuine...i think hes just got some things going on the last cpl weeks.I have made more of an attempt to hang out and get to know each other but they havjnt worked.

    I have a question...me and him arnt "super close" but we have talked a good amount and hun out twice....like i said above he has kind of been a little distant the last week or 2......

    Do you think he would think I was weird or pushy if I walked over to his house adn knocked on the door? He lives with his mom(hes nice)...so I wasnt sure



    Don't do that
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    Really? too much? its just that we live so close
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    Oct 03, 2011 12:22 AM GMT
    comical44 saidReally? too much? its just that we live so close


    Yes, really too much, it's trespassing on his private space.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 12:28 AM GMT
    Ok good to know....I just picked up the vibe that he "might" be cool with that seeing as the 2 times we chilled he invited me over and thats where I chilled and even introduced me to his mom.

    This is my issue or the point of the thread...within the last week or so we have texted a little...But he hasnt really made an effort in calling me or trying to set up the next time we chill(even though we are just friends right now)......

    Maybe ill wait till next week and see if he contacts me and if not should I call him?
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 03, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    i think he is playing games with you. he is not really into you. he is using you until he find something better.
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    Oct 03, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    Don't be chicken, speak your mind, it's the best thing to do for both of you ;-)

    Call him, you will get him or the answering machine.
    Just tell him you know he have been busy, but you also think he might not be that interested is going out with you.
    Offer him to go eat somewhere, and that you will pay the bill as apology for having a doubt about him. But that if he don't want, no big deal, but if he want someday to go out with you again, he will have to call you and also pay the restaurant bill.

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    Ok wellim gonna give it 3-4 days and then we will see...by then he might contact me if not I will call him and try to figure things out a little bit better

    I mean he told me I was really nice and that I was cool and Physically I was exactly what he likes so i dont know why or what I did for him not to be into me?
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Oct 03, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    There is an initial buzz when you meet someone you like...probably to the detriment of your other friends and relationships. It's catchup time for him.

    Proximity is not necessarily a good thing. If he gets too intimate too fast, it may seem like you're looking over his shoulder all the time. Make it a non issue by respecting his boundaries. I was just talking to my bf about this the other day. When the doorbell rings or a knock, and the dog is barking....I think who the fuck is this..ha! Really, who just drops by unannounced? ...cell phone battery dead?

    Who knows what's going on in his head right now..but it's his business to tell you. This could be a really good thing. Be available but respectful.

    A better approach might be a direct invite for here and now. Nice night....do you want to get out for a quick walk?
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    wild_sky360 saidThere is an initial buzz when you meet someone you like...probably to the detriment of your other friends and relationships. It's catchup time for him.

    Proximity is not necessarily a good thing. If he gets too intimate too fast, it may seem like you're looking over his shoulder all the time. Make it a non issue by respecting his boundaries. I was just talking to my bf about this the other day. When the doorbell rings or a knock, and the dog is barking....I think who the fuck is this..ha! Really, who just drops by unannounced? ...cell phone battery dead?

    Who knows what's going on in his head right now..but it's his business to tell you. This could be a really good thing. Be available but respectful.

    A better approach might be a direct invite for here and now. Nice night....do you want to get out for a quick walk?


    I will respect his boudaires and not go to his house...didnt know if that sounded like a good/bag thing so thanks for the advice.

    I do think he has some stuff going on...one of the last conversations we had(via text) he was telling me hes kind fo stressed currently with a few things in his life. we both said how we were there for each other if either one of us needs someone to talk to.

    Idk if he was ignoring my calls or busy or what.....hes not one to call u back if he has a missed call from you...hes kin of odd like that....Alls I wanna do is get him on the phone to actually speak but it seems difficult...I dont wanna call a lot bc I dont wanna appear weird
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    Oct 03, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    It's always tough to know what's going on in another person's head. My suggestion is to be a friend to him, let him know that you're interested (without being needy), and be decent to him, whether or not things work out. More than one couple I know didn't "connect" the first time around, but got serious later on after being friends for a while. So, hard though it is, go with the flow, be a good guy, try to talk versus text once in awhile, and be a good listener, regardless of what happens. You're clearly a decent, thoughtful person, and no matter how this turns out, you'll be fine over the long haul.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    DCTallJock saidIt's always tough to know what's going on in another person's head. My suggestion is to be a friend to him, let him know that you're interested (without being needy), and be decent to him, whether or not things work out. More than one couple I know didn't "connect" the first time around, but got serious later on after being friends for a while. So, hard though it is, go with the flow, be a good guy, try to talk versus text once in awhile, and be a good listener, regardless of what happens. You're clearly a decent, thoughtful person, and no matter how this turns out, you'll be fine over the long haul.


    Thankyou for your comment...it was really nice to hear and uplifting. Thanks a lot..appreciate it.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Oct 03, 2011 2:31 AM GMT
    Ignore all of the previous crap. If you look at a guy you like, what do you do? You stare into his eyes. If you look at a guy you don't like or aren't interested in, you look away and avoid his eyes. What do you do if a guy you like gives you his number? Do you burn it? No! Even if you're uncomfortable texting, you text the number, which he did. He took the challenge/ He's hanging around because you're his type. Call him now and ask where you can meet!
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 03, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidIgnore all of the previous crap. If you look at a guy you like, what do you do? You stare into his eyes. If you look at a guy you don't like or aren't interested in, you look away and avoid his eyes. What do you do if a guy you like gives you his number? Do you burn it? No! Even if you're uncomfortable texting, you text the number, which he did. He took the challenge/ He's hanging around because you're his type. Call him now and ask where you can meet!



    This was uplifting...Thank you im going to get a holod of it him this week for sure