Relationship Advice

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    Oct 03, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    This is a first for me but I'm curious about how you guys would handle this. I have few gay friends and fewer gay friends in relationships so I'm needing an external perspective.

    My boyfriend and I have only been living together for a little over four months now and our sex life has dwindled drastically. We still find one another attractive but he NEVER initiates sexual interaction and when I do, he makes it feel like a chore. He's not into other men. He just seems to have lost interest in sex generally (he never had much to begin with anyway).

    We've talked about it and he's not sure why its happened (its not depression, impotence, etc.,). Furthermore, he doesn't really mind this development whatsoever because of his low libido.... However, it makes me frustrated and also miss being yearned for by my sweetie.

    Anyone have their two cents to give?
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    Oct 03, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    PS I refuse to open up the relationship. Its NOT something I want for us.
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    Oct 03, 2011 6:51 PM GMT
    How old are you two? Are there any other stressors going on? (Financial, job related, family)? Is he eating enough iron? Are there any other activities that you two could do together?
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    Oct 03, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    Does he have a stressful job or work a lot?
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    Oct 03, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    it wont improve get out now before you resent each other
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    Oct 03, 2011 7:56 PM GMT
    After 4 months living together you both should still be throwing each other against the wall regularly. If you want/need physical interaction with your mate then it may be time to move on considering you have already discussed this with him and he appears to be indifferent to your concerns.
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    Oct 03, 2011 7:56 PM GMT
    Congratulations on your marriage.

    Sounds like it is progressing just how it should be.
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    Oct 03, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    Lots of eastern religious practices/ diets are meant to curb the libido. I
    know people that have become celibate this way. Has he become a vegan or Hindu vegetarian which deletes lower Chakras stimulating food? Too much exercise can do it too.
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    Oct 03, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    Options that come to mind:

    1. He needs to consult his physician. It could be something simple and medical.

    2. Has the sex changed? For example, have you gone from doing it everywhere to doing it only in the bedroom? Has the time changed? You used to do it in the morning and now you're doing it at night? Perhaps you can spice it up a bit.

    3. If he doesn't initiate sex now, he never will...you'll have to get used to being proactive. If the doctor says he's ok and there's no change with your activities that will perk him up, you may have to get used to limited sex and make the decision of whether or not that's ok with you. If it's not ok with you, it's better to break it off now rather than later.
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    Oct 03, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    Alpha13Has he become a vegan or Hindu vegetarian which deletes lower Chakras stimulating food?


    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

    You forgot demonic possession and alien abduction!

    Make an appointment with this guy as I hear he comes highly recommended to get rid of such maladies:

    p121361-Sumba-Witch_doctor.jpg
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    Oct 03, 2011 8:07 PM GMT
    BH_nexus saidit wont improve get out now before you resent each other


    This.

    Sorry to say, man, but if in 4 months you're not still banging like rabbits on viagra - and, more importantly, he doesn't especially care about that - then the game's over.
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    Oct 03, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    "(he never had much to begin with anyway)."

    I'm convused...you knew this?

    yeah...two months...like rabbits.
    Open up the comunication or it's not going to get better.
    Maybe have his testosterone level checked.
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    Oct 03, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    SRSLY.

    Get out now.

    Plan an exit strategy.

    It will be better for both of you.

    Peace and Light.

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    Oct 03, 2011 9:15 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Alpha13 saidI vaccuum the rugs and clean out the toilet with a smile on my face 'cos I'm happy to get 'er done for both of us. Bare minimum, he needs to be planning on rocking your world on a weekly basis because it's what YOU want to do. "GGG" as Dan Savage says: Good, Giving, and Game. I question the staying power of a relationship not built on that principle.



    Exactly! Even if this is just who he is, and he has a low libido, sex still shouldn't be a doled out like a chore. It's not unreasonable for you anticipate proactive sexual contact from the person that has selected you as their partner, especially at four months. If he is unwilling to see a physician or a psychologist because he doesn't care then the ball is in your court. Personally, I'd take the ball and find someone who actually wants to play.
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    Oct 04, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    SFYogi said, "he never had much to begin with anyway"


    So how much lower is his drive now?

    Now this, "Furthermore, he doesn't really mind this development whatsoever because of his low libido.... However, it makes me frustrated and also miss being yearned for by my sweetie. "

    ...you need to tell him and tell him now.

    -Doug
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    Oct 04, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    Thanks for the responses.

    So we've been together close to a year but have lived together for four months now.

    Neither his diet nor exercise have changed much... I never thought of consulting a physician because there's nothing wrong with his penis per se but I realize it may be a hormonal imbalance.

    I talked to him today and was a bit more clear about how much of a problem its becoming for me (in the initial stages, it wasn't much of an issue but its becoming one).

    He said he didn't understand why it was a problem because sex for him is just a way to get off and doesn't really feel like getting off. I explained to him that sex for me is a way of connecting on a deep level to one you love and that it was missing and important to me in a relationship.

    I think we may try a physician or counselor of some sort. icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 04, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    SFYogi said, "I explained to him that sex for me is a way of connecting on a deep level to one you love and that it was missing and important to me in a relationship."

    Yes, because for you it's true. For me it's true. For Bill it's true. The question is, is this true for him?


    warmly,

    -Doug