Another "I like straighty" thread

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    We spent three days in close proximity a few states away. We had a lot of awkward eye contact the whole time. My best friend, who is a mutual friend, introduced us after I told him I was interested in this guy. I found out the target is an Ally on his college campus for the gay/straight alliance. We had some of the face to face chit-chat after being formally introduced and ended up as facebook friends. Both of us have limited numbers of friends, he is not one of the 500+ gays, so the only justification for this post is that maybe he is "thinking" about things.

    He never talked about girls, not even once like all of my straighty friends have some stray "Wow I would do her" kind of comment just to set boundaries. Nothing at all from him. He brought a platonic friend (heavy girl) and was not even flirting with her, just talking business and very formal. His facebook says he is interested in women, yet he is single (and someone that looks like that ... screams homo in the closet that has even moved past having a big fat beard) and especially so since his entire family is listed on his family section in facebook and they are about the most conservative you can get outside of my family after I looked them up.

    I was his age when I became an Ally to try and get my feet wet for the first time, just meeting people, and not letting my parents' insular background (and my private school background) brainwash me too much. It was an OBVIOUS calculated step in the "process" for me. I see a lot of myself in him. In the off-chance he is just a really comfortable straighty extending the olive branch to the gays I would like to not destroy his perception of the gay community by doing something shameless.

    What am I supposed to do? Is light flirting, such as "liking" his shirtless photo at a football game considered gauche? Is a conversation better, like saying how impressive it is he is an Ally on campus?

    It was my best friend that introduced us and he knew the context, so there must be some seed of doubt there, he confirms there has never been any "straight guy talk" from him, and my friend has in the past waived me off from hopeless cases so I do trust his judgment.

    I have never been in this position before .... although I do feel like Merope Gaunt trying to trick Tom Riddle, Sr. into something shady and subversive icon_sad.gif

    Halpz?
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    Oct 04, 2011 6:29 AM GMT
    Ooh, can't help you with this one! Can only watch with delicious anticipation as you fumble your way through it.

    If I were handier with this gimmick, I would insert an image of a cat chewing popcorn with a vacant, fascinated look on its face. Or Brenda.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    Yeah, you are going to have to figure out your own calculated, nuanced moves on this one. Good luck, though.icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 04, 2011 6:53 AM GMT
    I think bringing up the fact that you admire him becoming an Ally would be a great place to start. You'll definitely get a feel for if he likes you or not by bringing that up.

    Also if he likes one of your pictures back after you liked his shirtless one then that would be a good sign too.

    Good luck, keep us updated. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 6:55 AM GMT
    Harry Potter analogy FTW!!!
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    Oct 04, 2011 9:15 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster said

    Halpz?


    Find a gay/bi guy instead of wasting your energy on someone who's not into dudes, ruining a good friendship, and poisoning his evolved views of gays by playing into stereotypes about gay guys always trying to get into the pants of their male friends.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 9:29 AM GMT
    Another one. OK.

    Just be his friend and leave it at that. As far as you know he's straight til proven otherwise or given a legitimate reason to think he's on the same team as you. Him not talking about who he'd bang or not flirting with his heavy set lady friend aren't legit reasons.
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    Oct 04, 2011 10:18 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    Skhokho1987 saidOoh, can't help you with this one! Can only watch with delicious anticipation as you fumble your way through it.

    If I were handier with this gimmick, I would insert an image of a cat chewing popcorn with a vacant, fascinated look on its face. Or Brenda.


    Photobucket


    Marry me.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Oct 04, 2011 10:23 AM GMT
    ^^ agreed...Straight until proven otherwise.

    i have a similar situation but mine is through the dance community versus an org. It is definitely hard to get around but being his friend first will benefit you in the long run. Not only will you have a good friend who you can confide in with, you will get your answer to your question.

    This is my solution for my similar situation, i figure if we become good friends and I find out that he has an interest in me then we don't have to have that awkward first date. we would be comfortable around each other already, plus you get to know him for who he is before it gets to a serious point and you feel stuck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 10:30 AM GMT
    Well, if he really wants to be an "ally" to GLBT he's going to have to learn to be open with his sexuality, whatever that is. If he's curious, he needs to say something.

    Hit on him and see what happens icon_razz.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 11:12 AM GMT
    i love straight guys
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 11:23 AM GMT
    bluemoon702 saidi love straight guys


    Only because they are gay in denial. LOL. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 11:27 AM GMT
    Guy101 said
    bluemoon702 saidi love straight guys


    Only because they are gay in denial. LOL. icon_lol.gif


    in your own poms poms filled world
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 11:41 AM GMT
    A world not filled with friends of denial like yours is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 1:12 PM GMT
    Are there so few gay guys around you that using a crystal ball on your straight friend to see what minuscule percentage of gay he might be is worth the effort?

    And BTW, closeted gay guys don't join LGBT groups. They go exactly in the other direction to "throw people off the trail"... until they come out.
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    Oct 04, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidAre there so few gay guys around you that using a crystal ball on your straight friend to see what minuscule percentage of gay he might be is worth the effort?

    And BTW, closeted gay guys don't join LGBT groups. They go exactly in the other direction to "throw people off the trail"... until they come out.


    Except for the part where I was the only openly straight undergraduate ally on my campus for four terms until I lost the beard and finally went out with the flamingly gayest Sigma Pi. It was precisely to throw people off the trail I could be in a room full of gays and not touch anyone. Greek discussion boards are littered with the same kinds of stories.

    But that anecdotal evidence is limited to guys who eventually did come out - not the ones that stay closeted until a fateful afternoon in an airport restroom or other fun ways the Republicans display their complete lack of sexual discretion.

    I am liking his shirtless photo. It is bound to get some kind of reaction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    spaghettimonsterWe spent three days in close proximity a few states away.


    WHAT??

    That makes no sense whatsofuckingever. Unless you have a molecular transporter or a wormhole or are a fucking blue teleporting mutant with a forked tail and a bad German accent, that is impossible.

    spaghettimonsterIt was an OBVIOUS calculated step in the "process" for me. I see a lot of myself in him


    good-luck-with-that.jpg
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    Oct 04, 2011 2:18 PM GMT
    heeb said
    spaghettimonsterWe spent three days in close proximity a few states away.


    WHAT??

    That makes no sense whatsofuckingever. Unless you have a molecular transporter or a wormhole or are a fucking blue teleporting mutant with a forked tail and a bad German accent, that is impossible.


    Never been to an academic conference before I take it - same small hotel, same breakfast buffet, same building on campus, same coffee break area, same lunch eating area, same dinner banquet ... then the final night when we all went out it was just a small group in my car.
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    Oct 04, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster said
    heeb said
    spaghettimonsterWe spent three days in close proximity a few states away.


    WHAT??

    That makes no sense whatsofuckingever. Unless you have a molecular transporter or a wormhole or are a fucking blue teleporting mutant with a forked tail and a bad German accent, that is impossible.


    Never been to an academic conference before I take it - same small hotel, same breakfast buffet, same building on campus, same coffee break area, same lunch eating area, same dinner banquet ... then the final night when we all went out it was just a small group in my car.


    I_see_what_you_did_there_super.jpg
    The OP was awkwardly worded.

    Also Englsh is not my first language, so sometimes I get mixed up when there is improper verb/modifier placement.

    I understand it now.

    Your original issue still remains: falling for closeted/ambiguous/straight guys.

    Should you do it?

    Watch the video of this cat (courtesy of RJ's own JakeBenson) and you shall have your answer:




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 4:55 PM GMT
    Snype saidI think bringing up the fact that you admire him becoming an Ally would be a great place to start. You'll definitely get a feel for if he likes you or not by bringing that up.

    Also if he likes one of your pictures back after you liked his shirtless one then that would be a good sign too.

    Good luck, keep us updated. icon_biggrin.gif


    I went with this softer approach. Everybody likes a compliment in words - not everyone appreciates a salacious "like" on a shirtless photo from a gay.
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    Oct 04, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    spaghettimonster said

    Halpz?


    Find a gay/bi guy instead of wasting your energy on someone who's not into dudes, ruining a good friendship, and poisoning his evolved views of gays by playing into stereotypes about gay guys always trying to get into the pants of their male friends.



    Sigh. Seriously, there are enough clues here that I don't think spaghettimonster would be just cluelessly trying to impose his desires on an unwilling straight guy.

    I would just man up and be a little straightforward - find a way to tell him you like him and that you're interested. But that it's completely cool if he's not - and mean it.
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    Oct 04, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    showme said
    TroyAthlete said
    spaghettimonster said

    Halpz?


    Find a gay/bi guy instead of wasting your energy on someone who's not into dudes, ruining a good friendship, and poisoning his evolved views of gays by playing into stereotypes about gay guys always trying to get into the pants of their male friends.



    Sigh. Seriously, there are enough clues here that I don't think spaghettimonster would be just cluelessly trying to impose his desires on an unwilling straight guy.


    The nice thing about the approach I advocated is that you can save yourself the trauma and drama of needing "clues" in the first place.

    Straight guy = not into other guys.
    I'm into a straight guy = I'm into a guy who is not into me.

    Why bother?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 5:28 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    showme said
    TroyAthlete said
    spaghettimonster said

    Halpz?


    Find a gay/bi guy instead of wasting your energy on someone who's not into dudes, ruining a good friendship, and poisoning his evolved views of gays by playing into stereotypes about gay guys always trying to get into the pants of their male friends.



    Sigh. Seriously, there are enough clues here that I don't think spaghettimonster would be just cluelessly trying to impose his desires on an unwilling straight guy.


    The nice thing about the approach I advocated is that you can save yourself the trauma and drama of needing "clues" in the first place.

    Straight guy = not into other guys.
    I'm into a straight guy = I'm into a guy who is not into me.

    Why bother?


    For some of us, the feeling of a true connection with another guy is rare enough that may be worth taking a bit of a risk. I do agree with you about the drama, though, which is why I suggested straight-out asking if he's interested.
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    Oct 04, 2011 5:32 PM GMT
    showme said
    For some of us, the feeling of a true connection with another guy is rare enough that may be worth taking a bit of a risk.


    Oh my God, that makes me really sad.

    Whatever happened to close friendships? Oy.
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    Oct 04, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    showme said
    For some of us, the feeling of a true connection with another guy is rare enough that may be worth taking a bit of a risk.


    Oh my God, that makes me really sad.

    Whatever happened to close friendships? Oy.


    Huh? Of course close friendships are awesome. I'm just saying, guys aren't interchangeable. If you're really attracted to someone and there's a reasonable chance they're attracted back, it may be worth taking a risk to find out.

    You can't make lemonade without cracking some eggs, or something like that.