Oct 04, 2011 4:39 PM GMT
Sorry…this is going to be a long story! But I'm just trying to wrap my head around it all and figure it out…desperate for advice and feeling very confused. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and we live together. I can't tell you how happy I've been in the relationship up until now. A few weeks ago I was trying to find my way around the dark bedroom and asked my boyfriend to help me out by flashing his cell phone in my direction to give me some light, which he did. When i looked down at his phone I swear I saw the manhunt website. Now we've been in a monogamous relationship for a year and grindr and manhunt are off the table. I was shocked to see this and confronted him right away. He denied that it was manhunt and I didn't want to be psycho and take his phone and dig through it, so I just let it go and went to bed. About a week later I unlocked his phone while plugging it in and there was an email, right on his screen from manhunt saying he had new notifications. I panicked and created a manhunt account to check and see what was up now that I knew he was on, and I knew his screenname. His profile said "Now, looking for quick and local". I felt sick. Obviously I was disappointed in myself for creating a profile and checking up on him, but also so disappointed to see his profile and what it said. I waited a few days to let it sink in, then I finally confronted him. I told him I knew he had a manhunt account and how I had created one to certify his and everything that lead up to it. At first he laughed and said it was no big deal at all, he was just horny and went online just to chat and get off. Then his tone changed, and he got very mad at me and said he felt like I had trapped him. I have to take some blame for signing on and looking at his profile. He stormed off and texted me saying he wasn't coming home that night and he needed time to think. We took the night off and the day proceeding. then that evening we sat down to talk and he was very angry with me and we pretty much broke up…it wasn't until I packed my bag and tried to leave that he broke down and told me to stay and said he was sorry and he had felt numb until I walked out the door. We agreed to work it out and talk more about it. I wasn't even upset about manhunt, it was mostly the secrecy and lying that freaked me out. The next night I asked him if he deleted manhunt and he said he had. We had a great weekend and really reconnected and I felt great. But then it all fell apart…I panicked and out of fear that I couldn't trust him, i signed onto his email account. I understand what a huge breach this is and I have no defense for it…It a huge betrayal on my end and I would never want a boyfriend that snooped or spied on me…but what I found was even more terrible than the manhunt revelation. He had full chat transcripts in his email system with a man he chatted with from manhunt. The chats occurred on the day we weren't speaking, and the day after we agreed to make it work. They are very sexual and they were obviously getting off together, my boyfriend asks a few times if he can call him and there is also talk about me and what we do sexually…pictures and videos where exchanged..and the conversation also went on to discuss weather they could meet in real life and how that would happen. The chats were very disturbing. At this point I don't know what to do. I don't want to confront him and expose myself, because I know this would for sure be the end of out relationship. I don't really know what his intentions were with this man, or is this is still going on and if they are exchanging emails and what not. My boyfriend has assured me multiple times that all the manhunt drama is done with and yes exchanged filthy messages with other guys but wants to move on. And that he is so in love with me and can't loose me and wants to put this all behind us…but I can't trust him, and I have no idea what he's doing behind my back. And I've broken our trust too by snooping. It's a mess. I don't know how to handle this, and I'm scared that all outcomes lead to the end of this relationship. Can anyone help me sort this all out?
sorry this is an insanely long message.
sorry this is an insanely long message.