Attraction

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 7:15 PM GMT
    So, I'm dating this guy and emotionally our chemistry is amazing. It's been a while since I have been with someone like him. That alone generates some attraction... but otherwise I am not really that attracted to him. We haven't had sex yet, but I'm not sure how its going to go.

    Am I just setting myself up for failure? Anything I can do to work on attraction?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 8:25 PM GMT
    Seems like you've found yourself a good friend, which is something to value in itself.

    You can't force yourself to be physically attracted to someone. Sometimes a person grows on you, but again, it's not something you can force. I've tried holding out for that, and I've had sex with guys I felt emotionally connected to but no physical attraction. Each time it was a disaster. I started to resent having to put out for the guy, and I destroyed what could have become a great gay friendship.
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    Oct 04, 2011 9:02 PM GMT
    Hmmm...well, not really that attracted is not the same as no attraction. icon_wink.gif

    What's kissing like? His scent? The effect of the tone of his voice on your nervous system? The feel of his arms around you?

    intrigued,

    -Doug
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    Oct 07, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    Same thing happened to me as well. I didnt feel a lot of spark with him, but he did. The only thing that had some attraction was when we were making out, but that's also because I never did it any anyone before. So it got me thinking, in a long run, it would not last long, so I broke it off before he could grew on to me.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Oct 07, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    Maybe you like him too much, and are panicing, and are searching for a reason to break it off.

  • Oct 07, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    Failure. I dated someone because of EMOTIONAL CHEMISTRY !!! but i was never attracted to him !!!! it only lasted about 2 months and wrecked what could have been a good friendship. You want to date someone you connect with , but also want to jump on for some action at anytime. I thought my "attraction would grow" but it just made the time i spent with him worse and worse , cuz i started avoided contact....
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    Depends on if theres any attraction at all. The guy im dating now isnt normally my type. He kept on me repeatedly to go out & i kept telling him no. I finally gave in & once i gave him a chance emotionally & sexually he is awesome & totally rocks my world, i cant get enough of him.

    We as men are to critical of what we need as mates are concerned. No one is perfect but we expect out partners to be, no wonder so many of us are single & stay that way.
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    Sorry, bud, but if emotional attraction was enough, I'd be dating probably at least 5 girls and guys right now. I'm single with nobody on the horizon at the moment. You have a great friendship, maybe bromance going on for you.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Oct 07, 2011 8:12 PM GMT
    It always amazes me when a guy really likes another guy, but says there is no attraction, when in fact a cool breeze can get most guys hard. I think it's psychological.
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Oct 07, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    I agree with Ohioguy12
    you have to have the zaazaazoom.....he can be a great guy but if you toes don't curl when you kiss him.....if you don't want him naked on a beach rolling in the surf, then what are you doing.
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    Oct 07, 2011 9:33 PM GMT
    hawkeye7 saidI agree with Ohioguy12
    you have to have the zaazaazoom.....he can be a great guy but if you toes don't curl when you kiss him.....if you don't want him naked on a beach rolling in the surf, then what are you doing.


    This.

    If you don't crave him when he leaves the table, if you don't get hard watching him do the dishes, if you don't fantasize about him, it's not going to work.
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    Oct 07, 2011 9:46 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    hawkeye7 saidI agree with Ohioguy12
    you have to have the zaazaazoom.....he can be a great guy but if you toes don't curl when you kiss him.....if you don't want him naked on a beach rolling in the surf, then what are you doing.


    This.

    If you don't crave him when he leaves the table, if you don't get hard watching him do the dishes, if you don't fantasize about him, it's not going to work.


    How true will this hold when you're both 50, or 60, or 70+?
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    Oct 07, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    YOU ARE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE!

    I dated a guy fan entire year because we emotionally clicked so well, and I kept telling myself "It will eventually develop into a physical attraction." And it never did, and it never would have.

    I have had friends that tell me that an emotional connection will turn into a physical one, but my more realistic friends told me that is not the case. . .

    It was unfair of me to stay with him for so long when I knew that I wasn't attracted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2011 9:50 PM GMT
    As Hawkeye7 said, got to have the "zaazaazoom".....can't fake it.........icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 07, 2011 10:21 PM GMT
    TerraFirma said
    Larkin_PLR said
    hawkeye7 saidI agree with Ohioguy12
    you have to have the zaazaazoom.....he can be a great guy but if you toes don't curl when you kiss him.....if you don't want him naked on a beach rolling in the surf, then what are you doing.


    This.

    If you don't crave him when he leaves the table, if you don't get hard watching him do the dishes, if you don't fantasize about him, it's not going to work.


    How true will this hold when you're both 50, or 60, or 70+?


    If my parents and grandparents are any indication... pretty well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2011 10:25 PM GMT
    ohioguy12 saidIt always amazes me when a guy really likes another guy, but says there is no attraction, when in fact a cool breeze can get most guys hard. I think it's psychological.


    Hmmm, I can find so many people attractive physically, but i will not really want to date them, because theres no emotional chemistry... the latter to me is more important....
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    Oct 07, 2011 11:12 PM GMT
    ohioguy12 saidIt always amazes me when a guy really likes another guy, but says there is no attraction, when in fact a cool breeze can get most guys hard. I think it's psychological.



    Yep. Gay guys are a trip. What you said is true of guys and straight guys are A LOT less picky. Gay guys, however, seem to always believe that Adonis is waiting just around the corner. It's not that there's not an attraction. Like you said, a cool breeze can get most guys hard. It's just that nobody's ever good enough physically. Which is what the "no attraction" means. If he ever finds that elusive guy with the perfect physique, chances are Mr. Perfect thinks he can get somebody better. Women tend to care a lot more about the emotional connection than the physical. Straight guys tend to be a lot less picky than gay guys. That's why long-term relationships are a lot more common in the straight world.
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    Oct 08, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    Well, I didn't say there was "no" attraction. I'm just not sure its coming from his physical features so much as his personality and intelligence. Both highly desirable characteristics, but they still leave me at 2/3 icon_razz.gif

    I'm not looking for perfect by any means, but I am looking to be attracted.. I'm pretty happy single most of the time, so I don't need to go chain myself to a relationship I don't think would work out for us and most people echoed that here..

    Even though I agree with what everyone has said.. I'm going to give it a shot with a couple more dates and see where it goes.
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    Oct 08, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    adam228 saidWell, I didn't say there was "no" attraction. I'm just not sure its coming from his physical features so much as his personality and intelligence. Both highly desirable characteristics, but they still leave me at 2/3 icon_razz.gif

    I'm not looking for perfect by any means, but I am looking to be attracted.. I'm pretty happy single most of the time, so I don't need to go chain myself to a relationship I don't think would work out for us and most people echoed that here..

    Even though I agree with what everyone has said.. I'm going to give it a shot with a couple more dates and see where it goes.

    My question is, have you actually tried having sex with him? I agree that attraction is important. But you know what's even more important? The actual quality of the sex.

    You can take the epitome of "your type" to bed, but if he just lies there, or is otherwise a lousy lay, the potential for a relationship is nil. On the other hand, you may find that this guy, who is not really your type, but to whom you are two-thirds attracted, is actually mind-blowingly good in bed. Sex with him might be so good that even when he's not the type you look at when you browse for porn, he gets you hard as a rock as soon as you kiss, because you know how good what's coming (no pun intended) is going to be.

    So I'd say, have sex with him, and judge based on that. There's nothing like fact-based, empirical evidence.

    EDIT: Just saw that on the opening post you say you haven't had sex. So, that answers my question and reaffirms my advice.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Oct 08, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    It's a mistake to underestimate the role of attraction in a relationship.
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:21 AM GMT
    miamimasseur said
    ohioguy12 saidIt always amazes me when a guy really likes another guy, but says there is no attraction, when in fact a cool breeze can get most guys hard. I think it's psychological.



    Yep. Gay guys are a trip. What you said is true of guys and straight guys are A LOT less picky. Gay guys, however, seem to always believe that Adonis is waiting just around the corner. It's not that there's not an attraction. Like you said, a cool breeze can get most guys hard. It's just that nobody's ever good enough physically. Which is what the "no attraction" means. If he ever finds that elusive guy with the perfect physique, chances are Mr. Perfect thinks he can get somebody better. Women tend to care a lot more about the emotional connection than the physical. Straight guys tend to be a lot less picky than gay guys. That's why long-term relationships are a lot more common in the straight world.


    I presume the two of you aren't suggesting that most guys are attracted to cool breezes, any more than they are attracted to their hands. Let's face it, there is a substantial difference between wanting to get off with anyone and wanting to get off with someone.

    I think excellent emotional chemistry is friendship, excellent sexual chemistry is a hookup, both is a relationship.
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    Oct 08, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    Whatever you do, be decisive about it. If you like him emotionally, the worst thing you can do is let this drag on. If you're making out and don't feel "it", don't have sex. Tell him that you really like hanging out. You're only 23. Its wayyyy to young to settle. And not fucking shouldn't ruin a good friendship.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Oct 08, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Vaughn said[/cite]It's a mistake to underestimate the role of attraction in a relationship.[/quote

    This 100%
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    redbull saidDepends on if theres any attraction at all. The guy im dating now isnt normally my type. He kept on me repeatedly to go out & i kept telling him no. I finally gave in & once i gave him a chance emotionally & sexually he is awesome & totally rocks my world, i cant get enough of him.

    We as men are to critical of what we need as mates are concerned. No one is perfect but we expect out partners to be, no wonder so many of us are single & stay that way.


    Same thing happened to me... However you have to start with somebody who you are at least somewhat attracted to.
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    Oct 12, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    Yeah, so update:

    Re-thinking this, I think I can sum my feelings up as I was afraid to commit to someone. I hate perfection, and I never expected perfect but I also never expected to fall for someone so soon after breaking up with my ex of 2 years (8 months ago). I've been on a few dates with him (and yeah had sex) and the attraction is definitely strong. I find myself not wanting to leave and craving him when he's not around. Plus, if I had any fears of physical attraction he has a cute body and porn star level goods in his pants icon_razz.gif