"I ONLY like white guys"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    So I was with a friend recently (Hispanic guy) who told me something he was feeling and trying to find meaning to. He mentioned that he was out at a gay bar/lounge recently when he approached another white guy. My friend was obviously attracted to this guy and decided to make a move. As soon as he started talking to the guy, the guy immediately said, "I am only into white guys". At this, my friend freaked out and told the guy to fuck himself.

    My friend asked me to dig deep inside him and to help him discover why he gets infuriated when someone tells him "I am only into white guys". At this I asked him, "Do you get infuriated when someone tells you they are only into black guys? or hispanic guys? or asian guys?" His response was no not at all. He notes that he only gets upset when they like exclusively white guys. At this I was unsure what to say but that I would think about it and get back to him. I did say however, that I believe responses like the one he received should be witheld and kept to oneself... that it can be hurtful to others.

    This is where you guys come into the situation. Can you blokes help me shed some light into this? I realise this might be a bit of a touchy issue, but I would like to help my buddy and help him get over this so that he doesn't get into a fight the next time someone gives him that same response.

    Anyway, cheers!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 06, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    He probably feels frustrated because he is being denied the pleasure of a guy's company solely on something that he can do nothing about and something that is not his fault.
    It's also like when a guy tells me that he only dates within a certain age range and I unfortunately am older than his "cut-off" age.
    I have no problem with rejection because you can't expect everyone to like you or want to date you because in all reality, you don't like everyone else or would date everyone else. There's nothing wrong with having preferences, we all have them to a certain extent. Like the guy who says he will only date guys within a certain income range. Put it behind you and go on and find someone who will want to be with you. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 06, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    You can't "FIX" your friend. People are into what they're into (you'll especially find people on RealJock to be very against this for some reason but who gives a f**k)-- and you CANNOT, nor your friend (again) CANNOT change what people like. So your friend got mad -- oh well. Tell him to buck up and move on to the next guy. That's life.
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    Oct 06, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    I just made a thread for this its specifically about asians but you should check it out too. Preference is created by environment so it is fixable.
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    Oct 06, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidSo I was with a friend recently (Hispanic guy) who told me something he was feeling and trying to find meaning to. He mentioned that he was out at a gay bar/lounge recently when he approached another white guy. My friend was obviously attracted to this guy and decided to make a move. As soon as he started talking to the guy, the guy immediately said, "I am only into white guys". At this, my friend freaked out and told the guy to fuck himself.

    My friend asked me to dig deep inside him and to help him discover why he gets infuriated when someone tells him "I am only into white guys". At this I asked him, "Do you get infuriated when someone tells you they are only into black guys? or hispanic guys? or asian guys?" His response was no not at all. He notes that he only gets upset when they like exclusively white guys. At this I was unsure what to say but that I would think about it and get back to him. I did say however, that I believe responses like the one he received should be witheld and kept to oneself... that it can be hurtful to others.

    This is where you guys come into the situation. Can you blokes help me shed some light into this? I realise this might be a bit of a touchy issue, but I would like to help my buddy and help him get over this so that he doesn't get into a fight the next time someone gives him that same response.

    Anyway, cheers!


    I think you should rephrase that. I know what you mean but it sounds wrongfully sexual. Tee hee.
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    Oct 06, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    That's a VERY rude thing to say to someone, regardless of what preferences you might have. There's this thing called "tact" that seems to have been lost by our society.

    On a side note, your friend sounds like he's a reverse racist, which is quite popular these days.
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    Oct 06, 2011 2:52 AM GMT
    Well your buddy obviously made the wrong association that white boys = the supreme race, which is...(I'm not even going to comment on it since it would be an insult to my intelligence), and it is definitely not true when it comes to the populated and diverse states like California, Hawaii, Florida, or New York. He needs to get out of his little box and experience the world more. Go live in Honolulu, LA, SF, NYC, Miami, or other countries for a while. His perceptions of the "gay" world, his own insecurity, and his internalized low self-esteem will change. This I promise you. icon_wink.gif
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Oct 06, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    Well....I am an equal opportunity slut. Im pretty good with a pulse and a penis....with a few standards thrown in.
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:03 AM GMT
    Some guys like only one type of guys. Some guys like all types of guys. Don't judge them for having taste. You don't judge people who eat only Mexican food or enjoy eating all sorts of food. And you certainly don't judge men for not liking women. So the truth is: accept people's personal tastes.
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    Damn..Another asian threadicon_rolleyes.gif

    I kid ..I kid...icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:06 AM GMT
    JB82 saidSome guys like only one type of guys. Some guys like all types of guys. Don't judge them for having taste. You don't judge people who eat only Mexican food or enjoy eating all sorts of food. And you certainly don't judge men for not liking women. So the truth is: accept people's personal tastes.

    icon_wink.gif like like like =)
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:11 AM GMT
    Maybe he gets mad because Latinos are almost never discriminated against when it comes to dating/sex like Asians and Blacks are, so when he does face discrimination, it enrages him. When we talked about threesomes with my white FBs, they said yeah we can share you with another guy but he has to be white or Latino. I wanted him to be Black tho so we never had a threesome icon_lol.gif.
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    I was thinking about this myself recently. Many of us non-white gay guys have this love-hate relationship with white gay guys. We love white guys because that's what we're fed, that's the gay standard of beauty: the white All-American "str8-acting" Abercrombie frat boy. Yet we also resent white gay guys for holding a monopoly on what's attractive (save for the uncommon race fetishists, but that's another story).

    Ask yourself this: how many times do hear you a gay guy say "I am only into white guys" versus how many times you'd hear a gay guy say "I am only into [ insert non-white race here ] guys". That should give you some insight into why your Hispanic friend reacted the way he did because I'd bet my left nut that you hear the former way more often than the latter.

    Admittedly, I find myself slightly infuriated when I hear stuff like that. It stings even more when a substantial amount of non-white men say the same thing.

    On the subject of reverse racism that was brought up in this thread: In some ways, it can be considered racism as I know a good number of other non-white gay men have this same resentment toward white guys. But at the same time, it's ironically not racism since these same guys harbor a hidden feeling of inferiority towards white guys.
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    wildtype87 saidI was thinking about this myself recently. Many of us non-white gay guys have this love-hate relationship with white gay guys. We love white guys because that's what we're fed, that's the gay standard of beauty: the white All-American "str8-acting" Abercrombie frat boy. Yet we also resent white gay guys for holding a monopoly on what's attractive (save for the uncommon race fetishists, but that's another story).

    Ask yourself this: how many times do hear you a gay guy say "I am only into white guys" versus how many times you'd hear a gay guy say "I am only into [ insert non-white race here ] guys". That should give you some insight into why your Hispanic friend reacted the way he did because I'd bet my left nut that you hear the former way more often than the latter.

    Admittedly, I find myself slightly infuriated when I hear stuff like that. It stings even more when a substantial amount of non-white men say the same thing.

    On the subject of reverse racism that was brought up in this thread: In some ways, it can be considered racism as I know a good number of other non-white gay men have this same resentment toward white guys. But at the same time, it's ironically not racism since these same guys harbor a hidden feeling of inferiority towards white guys.


    Surprisingly, I've never had people said to me that "sorry I'm only into white guys" or "sorry I'm not into asian guys". But I don't usually make the first move unless I know for sure that this guy is into me. Which explains why my # of sexual partners are so low. I've made out with loads of guys of all races back in my clubbing days though. Good times. icon_redface.gif I don't go out that much anymore cuz I don't like drugs and alcohol. That's all.
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    those are just small minded people. I get it they have their own preference but to say it out loud, thats very unattractive.
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    What's up with the racial threads tonight?
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    Oct 06, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    What really hurts is when they say, "I'm only into real women." Ouch! icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 06, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    Because white is seen as the best (thanks, society!) and people are trained to generally want the best they can get.

    An average white guy = a hot minority to a lot of people. So I think for minorities with low self esteem, they're going to seek out the "best they can get." If they can land a white guy, no matter how unattractive, then it proves their worth. Sad, but true. This happens in heterosexual circles too - it's not uncommon to see an ok looking minority with a very unattractive white person.

    Personally, I'm into anyone if they're hot. In fact, I've been seeing mostly white guys and while I try not to look at race, I hate feeling like I'm not giving my own people a chance (which is not true, but that insecurity is there)...
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    Oct 06, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    May be he likes white boys more than guys of other races so a rejection from a white guy could be more disappointing than anyone of the other race OR this could be a bigger issue where he feels the need for an approval from a white guy. Traditionally, racism has been associated with whites discriminating blacks and other minorities ( in American context) and growing up hearing about discrimination in 1950s etc could lead to a need for such an attention and approval.
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    Oct 06, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    Rejection is hard. It's harder in person, and hardest when someone is disrespectful to your face. If the guy had said, "Sorry, man, I kind of have my eye on someone else tonight" this wouldn't have even been an issue, I bet. The reason wouldn't be any different, but the communication is respectful.

    When companies reject candidates for job openings, the rejection email doesn't say, "sorry, but you bored the hell out of us in your interview." It says, "Thank you for your interest. After careful consideration...." Animals have limited communication skills. Humans are supposed to be more advanced here.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 06, 2011 4:17 AM GMT
    Brownale saidRejection is hard. It's harder in person, and hardest when someone is disrespectful to your face. If the guy had said, "Sorry, man, I kind of have my eye on someone else tonight" this wouldn't have even been an issue, I bet. The reason wouldn't be any different, but the communication is respectful.

    When companies reject candidates for job openings, the rejection email doesn't say, "sorry, but you bored the hell out of us in your interview." It says, "Thank you for your interest. After careful consideration...." Animals have limited communication skills. Humans are supposed to be more advanced here.
    I love you're optimism ahah.

    I agree with you, but to be honest, a company is not a person. People do not have to be unfalteringly kind, as much as I wish we all were.

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    Oct 06, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    pfffft....why do people get bent out of shape over comments like that? "i only like white guys". "i'm not into asians". "only purple-spotted guys turn me on...not you".

    to that i say, "good to know. i'm not into (white, black, latin, asian, whatever) guys who aren't into asian guys. " no offense to you guys who don't like asian guys. you just saved both me and you the time and effort. i'll spend my time on the guy who IS attracted to me. next.
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    Oct 06, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidSo I was with a friend recently (Hispanic guy) who told me something he was feeling and trying to find meaning to. He mentioned that he was out at a gay bar/lounge recently when he approached another white guy. My friend was obviously attracted to this guy and decided to make a move. As soon as he started talking to the guy, the guy immediately said, "I am only into white guys". At this, my friend freaked out and told the guy to fuck himself.

    My friend asked me to dig deep inside him and to help him discover why he gets infuriated when someone tells him "I am only into white guys". At this I asked him, "Do you get infuriated when someone tells you they are only into black guys? or hispanic guys? or asian guys?" His response was no not at all. He notes that he only gets upset when they like exclusively white guys. At this I was unsure what to say but that I would think about it and get back to him. I did say however, that I believe responses like the one he received should be witheld and kept to oneself... that it can be hurtful to others.

    This is where you guys come into the situation. Can you blokes help me shed some light into this? I realise this might be a bit of a touchy issue, but I would like to help my buddy and help him get over this so that he doesn't get into a fight the next time someone gives him that same response.

    Anyway, cheers!

    I really don't think it's a bad thing to say at all. It's not like he said "I don't like you because you're ugly." Some people just aren't attracted to certain races. It has nothing to do with racism. It has to do with what you're attracted to. I'm not into Africans, but if I was hitting on one and he told me that he was looking for a black guy I wouldn't be offended at all.
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    Oct 06, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    umm, i think i say it without really saying it. body language is so readable if u pay attn. (i consider many latinos white btw.)
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    Oct 06, 2011 5:43 AM GMT
    This "preference" bullshit followed by a myriad of different analogies needs to be called out. Not the preference part in and of itself, but this underlying tone of coincidence from the "...it's just a preference icon_rolleyes.gif" crowd.

    (No, it's not inherently wrong to have your preferences. It would be hypocritical of me to say otherwise given that I'm a supporter of gay rights under the premise that I have my own sexual preferences.)

    To expand on JB's food analogy. If I moved to a new city and made new friends and acquaintances that all happened to prefer Chinese food, I'd raise an eyebrow and ponder why that's so. If I find out that the majority of fast food and grocery stores in the city happen to sell mostly Chinese dishes/ingredients, I wouldn't necessarily go and try to change that, because people can have their preference. I certainly wouldn't judge those people for their preference for Chinese food, but I would call out BS if someone from that city tried to tell me that their preference for Chinese food was just some random thing that fell out of the sky.

    I think people generally do respect others' preferences. It's just that these isolated incidents like what the OP describes are examples of frustration when a certain preference pervades gay populations seemingly universally. It's akin to the many threads here on RJ where gay guys lament that the hot guys they're into are always straight (ie. girls are "just their preference"). Surely more of you gay guys out there on RJ can empathize with the kind of frustration of having your dating pool severely limited because you don't fit the preference of most people that you are attracted to.