Do you ever get a craving for an abusive boyfriend to treat you like shit?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:23 AM GMT
    Yeah I know RJ is very vanilla, but I don't have a personal attache of freaky gays to ask.

    I was undecided if I should put this in Sex or Mental Health, but I figure this leaves room for adult words to be said.

    I get in a mood sometimes where I feel really bad about myself. Like REALLY bad about myself. Not that I think I'm a jerk or do bad things, but that I'm useless, low-value, disgusting, too fucked-up et cetera. I want to hide under my comforters and cry, but I don't/can't cry anymore. I don't get emotional, I just get a very dull dazed outlook. What I crave and what I feel like will make me feel better/comforted is a guy next to me saying horrible, monstrous, abusive things to me. Not so much physically abusive.

    It's partially sexual. Normally I am turned on by some light-hearted humiliation, "suck it, bitch", thump the cock on my face, light spanks, all with a bit of humor to it. But when I get in this dark mood, I want to be attacked emotionally, used sexually, cruelly mindfucked, smacked around, psyche deconstructed until I'm crying from emotional pain. It's strange but it feels like it would be good for me. Like it is real and honest. A bad boyfriend who secretly unleashes his hate on me when it builds up and once it's done things slowly get back to nice and normal.

    So I'm wondering if anyone else gets into dark mindsets like this once in an infrequent while. I broke the ice so let's talk about it.

    To answer the obvious questions, I'll first say: no, there was no childhood abuse of any kind. rather mild bullying in school compared to what other people have gotten. I've had no experience like this with others in my adult life either.

    And I will get this included so you won't have to dig it up in google:
    LOL_WUT_PEAR.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 11:43 AM GMT
    Something is there.

    Even if it's not stemming from any parental abuse (there's no verbal tirades, or angry fits wherein you were told how shitty you were?), the bullying you endured, even if not severe could have something to do with this. What about any issues with the coming out process? What are your internal(ized) beliefs about being gay?

    I mean, its up to you to decide if wanting to be treated this way distresses you or not. In a way it sounds like it does. My problem is that I think it clearly reflects how you are feeling about yourself..... As if you want someone to confirm your belief in your own badness... and as if that negative attention is a comforting force in containing those feelings. "Ah, see, someone else knows who I really am, and even if they treat me shitty, they are there..."

    Can't elaborate more now but will return to the thread after work....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 11:47 AM GMT
    I'm a huge masochist and even though I know this kind of behavior can be so self destructive I'm the same as the OP.

    Certain forms of abuse both mental and physical can be a huge turn on to me sexually.

    Even in past relationships I have consciously stayed with people I know are bad for me just because secretly I think I liked being hurt. I did however have the self respect to cut them out of my life after a period but the pattern is still there and I can see it.

    I know what I have to do to be 'happy' but the scary question I keep asking myself is, 'is that what I really want ?'.

    Very fucked up.......
  • mikey_101

    Posts: 250

    Oct 06, 2011 11:52 AM GMT
    This is the very same reason that battered women continualy seek out men that will physicaly and emotionaly abuse them.

    get some self respect.

    If you want to be treated like this, you will find exactly what you are seeking..... an abusive relationship.

    That is a concious choice for you - you have said as much.

    Do you not deserve a decent loving, mutualy respectful relationship?

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 06, 2011 11:55 AM GMT
    Could be that you're like the Maybelline Queens who want attention whether it be good or bad because "At least bad attention is still attention..." icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 12:06 PM GMT
    Why the fuck did you post this dumb thread? You're a stupid bitch. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidI think I can relate, SB (though not nearly to the extreme you're talking about.) I'm a tall, pretty masculine guy and it caused me a lot of conflict (and maybe a relationship or two) when I was younger: I really want to be man-handled in bed...rough. But out of bed, I need to be equal. I couldn't articulate my needs before...I'd pull out the "abusive" behavior, but then resent it if/when it carried outside the bedroom.

    I think I'm both better able to explain my kink and am less sensitive to that old insecurity. I know I'm looking for a partner who will appreciate an equal in life, but will know very clearly when I need him to "stretch my limits". It's who I am. And I'm okay with it now.

    You need to be you. Some guy is gonna love you being you. Find HIM.



    Wow, this thread is very fucking disturbing. I like to be dominated in bed from time to time but what you are talking about is a bit nutty. Good Luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 12:42 PM GMT
    482_omg-yes-lil-wayne.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    Nope. I want to be loved....
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Oct 06, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    mikey_101 saidThis is the very same reason that battered women continualy seek out men that will physicaly and emotionaly abuse them.

    get some self respect.

    If you want to be treated like this, you will find exactly what you are seeking..... an abusive relationship.

    That is a concious choice for you - you have said as much.

    Do you not deserve a decent loving, mutualy respectful relationship?



    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    This doesn't just come from nowhere. At some point in your life, something happened to make you feel bad about yourself. It may even be something you don't remember anymore, but something happened.

    Once you get burned enough, you'll lose this fascination with bad guys. It took me many years, but after getting a hold of a couple of truly dangerous dudes, my "preferences" quickly changed. The last one I dated was on America's Most Wanted. I found this out only after we had moved in together and the police had surrounded him inside his dad's home. Haven't seen his face since that day they took him away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ7B7r47juV1pD46vJgHc4

    beatdown60521407.gif

    article-1168709-0439E32C000005DC-439_468

    Yup. I'd say you have some issues and this belongs in the Mental section.
    Basically you want to be humiliated and somebody's rag doll of a pig/bitch.

    Your issue made me think of this. Enjoy.



    It's all fun and games til you ACTUALLY get what you want and then you find yourself in a hospital somewhere within an inch of your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    Well then I will say go talk to someone and get help. Usually such problems stem from low self esteem which you too pointed out that you are not worth it etc etc. Get some help before you do something you regret.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 1:28 PM GMT
    sb_009.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    Evidently, I do subconsciously.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    Have you ever hung around a really sad person that is intent on being sad?

    Congruent. You want things to be congruent with who you are at the time. Why do you think some people get really upset or mad when someone tries to cheer them up when they are feeling down at the time? I think it has to do with a little bit of psychology here. I remember talking about this in class one time about that very subject.

  • muscle4same

    Posts: 21

    Oct 06, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    Please...welcome to gay life man. Gay men obviously love to be treated like shot because the good looking guys they all go for are the guys that are abusive ass holes. I don't believe too many guys who say they want to be loved. I can't get a date to save my life. Why? Because when I ask a guy out the response more times than not starts off with, "You're a nice guy, but..." obviously being a nice and caring guy is NOT what gay men want in a partner. They are like the girls in high school who only go after the hot yet very abusive boys. You're not weird, you're being realistic about your gay self.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:29 PM GMT
    Yays, I got responses! When I posted this last night, there were views but no one wanted to touch it with a 10 foot pole and I thought "all that exposed for nothing".

    yourname2000 said something that I've always thought was important in a partner. Someone who would be disrespectful in the bedroom and outside of that, complete respect as an equal. Most guys aren't mature enough to recognize that what we want in sex isn't what we want in the rest of life.

    It's funny to see people unwilling to believe I wasn't molested or beaten. Because that MUST be the cause of all freaky sexual personas. The badness of my childhood was a general feeling of "hate school, few friends, other kids are jerks, brother's a jerk, parents aren't fair".

    It rings a little true for me at least, I can't speak for the others here, that there's some fulfillment of someone else validating how I feel. I think it's more that I can rely on someone like that to be truthful. People for many reasons will tell you what you want to hear, or will soften the blow, or try to bright side things. But when a person's insulting you, there's no dishonesty there. They might be wrong, but they're laying it all on the line.

    I actually think that if someone was over-the-top mean, it would make me stop thinking badly about myself and start defending myself. Maybe I'm tired of playing the devil on one shoulder and want someone to take over so I can be the angel.

    Oh, it must not have been clear, I don't like physical pain. Face slaps are more about disrespect than physical harm. In any case, I'm not actively looking for a man, I'm just talking about feelings and desires.

    I DO get upset when someone tries to cheer me up when something bad happens. Especially when they think changing my facial expression will fix everything outside and in. I think that's true for everyone to a degree.

    Erm.. I wouldn't say being gay is about wanting to be mistreated. I think what you meant has to do with putting up with bad behaviour due to desperation or loneliness instead of seeking it out from the start. Also, wanting what you can't have.

    Others can post their replies to what's been posted as well. It's not just for me. Does it ring true for you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    youSomeone who would be disrespectful in the bedroom and outside of that, complete respect as an equal


    *throws holy water* I absolve you of any wrong doing. If that's your sexual turn on, go for it.



    It's not something people like to talk about but because I work in mental health, I hear these kinds of things a lot. We live in a always be positive and love yourself culture. So, no one is going to come talk about their rape and murder fantasies at the bar. A LOT of people have fantasies involving some form of violence. The MOST important thing is that they still acknowledge boundaries. You can seek a genuine experience (and get it) but still know that you are getting rid of these thoughts through sex and they don't affect the rest of your life.

    So, no I don't think there is anything wrong with you but I will be unable to help you with your fantasies lol.

    Mine are toward domination but I do not like emotional or physical pain, so it takes some cunning to please me icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
    adam228 said
    youSomeone who would be disrespectful in the bedroom and outside of that, complete respect as an equal


    *throws holy water* I absolve you of any wrong doing. If that's your sexual turn on, go for it.



    It's not something people like to talk about but because I work in mental health, I hear these kinds of things a lot. We live in a always be positive and love yourself culture. So, no one is going to come talk about their rape and murder fantasies at the bar. A LOT of people have fantasies involving some form of violence. The MOST important thing is that they still acknowledge boundaries. You can seek a genuine experience (and get it) but still know that you are getting rid of these thoughts through sex and they don't affect the rest of your life.

    So, no I don't think there is anything wrong with you but I will be unable to help you with your fantasies lol.

    Mine are toward domination but I do not like emotional or physical pain, so it takes some cunning to please me icon_razz.gif


    LOL Im the same way I love a guy to be disrespectful towards me in the bed, but treat me as an equal outside of it. Its not a rape fantasy, but more of having a slobbering rugged oaf use me as his cum dumpster for whatever satisfies him fantasy. Its hot to have a rugged man fuck you shitless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
    No .


  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Oct 06, 2011 8:42 PM GMT
    Wow...well buddy I feel really bad for you and what you're going through, good luck. I'm not an expert but I would say, some sort of therapy might in in order to help figure out some of this. Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:42 PM GMT
    Hell no
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:45 PM GMT
    muscle4same saidPlease...welcome to gay life man. Gay men obviously love to be treated like shot because the good looking guys they all go for are the guys that are abusive ass holes. I don't believe too many guys who say they want to be loved. I can't get a date to save my life. Why? Because when I ask a guy out the response more times than not starts off with, "You're a nice guy, but..." obviously being a nice and caring guy is NOT what gay men want in a partner. They are like the girls in high school who only go after the hot yet very abusive boys. You're not weird, you're being realistic about your gay self.


    This is not just "gay life."

    I looked at your pics. You're a really nice-looking guy. If you're not getting dates, there is some other reason. Being told that you're a "nice guy, but" is someone letting you down gently about that some other reason.

    You could be just looking in the wrong place. Or more likely, your game is messed up in some way and you're putting guys off somehow. If you have some friends you really trust, ask them to help you and be brutally honest as to why they think you can't get a date. You'll probably get an answer that may surprise you but may give you something to work on.

    I got nothing for the OP other than to say I'm sorry, hope you figure it out. Hugs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:48 PM GMT
    I'm not into this kind of thing personally as conflict is an instant turn off for me.

    But I don't think it's weird. People are into all kinds of things. I would think intense, dramatic, psychosexual assault could be cathartic for someone experiencing emotional pain. I'm thinking like a shiatsu massage for the soul: it hurts like hell but it gets the knots and kinks out and feels great after.

    But what you are talking about does not sound like real abuse. It sounds more like sadomasochistic play acting. It sounds like you wouldn't be too keen on "real abuse" which often involves physical pain, and lots of it.