Being the jock

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    May 20, 2008 8:58 PM GMT
    I have always been a pretty intellectual person, and for most of my life in the past, my relationships focused on intellectual pursuits. A few years ago, I decided that to be a more balanced person, I needed to pay more attention to my body. As I got in better shape, I found that I really enjoyed paying attention to my body, and that I enjoyed relationships where physicality played a bigger part. More and more I find that in my closest relationships, and with my partner, I enjoy focusing on the physical, and I enjoy relationships where the focus is more on my body, and less on my mind. It has taken a long time to develop to where I feel comfortable with attention paid to my body, and I am still learning how to be less shy and more self confident. One if the reasons I visit realjock is to help myself be more comfortable with athleticism.

    Does anyone else feel the same way, and does anyone have comments or suggestions on "being the jock" in a relationship, for someone who is not used to it?
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    May 23, 2008 7:59 AM GMT
    The truth is the "jock" in the gay world is all alone and lonely with mostly hetero friends. If you are "becoming" one - stop before you find yourself all alone, few want to really talk about sports, the game, much less do any sports other than swiming. You will start to bore all of your gay friends, and if your hetero friends know you are gay they will always be just a little uncomfortable with you no matter what they say while their wives will always look at you suspiciously. Its not to late for you, give it up dude.
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    May 23, 2008 8:15 AM GMT
    studd saidThe truth is the "jock" in the gay world is all alone and lonely with mostly hetero friends.

    So true. I don't know why a gay man would ever find anything engaging in a jock who worked out and liked sports. Or why a gay man would bother to have hetero friends.

    It's important that you embrace your inner queen. Skip the workouts, get back to gossip cliques and get your nails done. You're just kidding yourself.

    I'm pretty sure studd is kidding too.
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    May 23, 2008 8:19 AM GMT
    But seriously.

    No need to think of your new-found jockness as some sort of role-playing character. It could really be you, wanting to be a jock. Go there, and be a jock.

    A huge part of sex and sexuality IS physical, and if having this new body is awakening this monster in you, by gosh it'll be hot for you.

    Be careful about the role thing. Unless you're into that. But make sure the guy(s) you sleep with are still sleeping with YOU and not some muscled caricature of your former self. Don't abuse others with your new-found hotness.
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    May 23, 2008 8:36 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidBut seriously.

    No need to think of your new-found jockness as some sort of role-playing character. It could really be you, wanting to be a jock. Go there, and be a jock.

    A huge part of sex and sexuality IS physical, and if having this new body is awakening this monster in you, by gosh it'll be hot for you.

    Be careful about the role thing. Unless you're into that. But make sure the guy(s) you sleep with are still sleeping with YOU and not some muscled caricature of your former self. Don't abuse others with your new-found hotness.


    Gay men will say that they are into the "jock" but the reality is something different and when they find out what it is they get a rude awaking. Even if you start off the relationship with them knowing it is an ongoing problem and the source of lots of resentment and misunderstanding. To many gay guys it just seems so pointless, and yet to you so important....

    Avoid the role, thing and people looking for that. That would be my advice.
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    May 23, 2008 8:43 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said

    It's important that you embrace your inner queen. Skip the workouts, get back to gossip cliques and get your nails done. You're just kidding yourself.


    Uh, that's "get your nails did." Get it right bitch.
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    May 23, 2008 10:24 AM GMT
    I think in the gay community, the majority of those who say they are into jocks are taking the narrow view of the visual and sexual aspect.
    I love watching gymnastics during the Olympics (as an example) but usually can't watch it with a bunch of gay friends. This is because, while I think that most of the guys are incredible looking, I tire of that aspect quickly and I want to see the actual competition. I've found myself saying "Shut up or go grab a Falcon DVD and go in the other room to relieve yourself."
  • GQjock

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    May 23, 2008 10:57 AM GMT
    It sounds like you just are becoming acquainted with a whole side of you that you had neglected for many years

    as people we have the mental and the physical portions that make us who we are
    some people call this the right or left brain
    you had segregated those two for some time and now you have found this physical portion and you're enjoying getting to know it again... and that's great

    But you don't need to keep them on separate shelves
    working on the physical portion or your body can and is very important to you mentally
    this is why exercise is very important in depression and helps to clear the mind after a long day
    and why things like yoga and thai chi have existed for thousands of years
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    May 23, 2008 12:13 PM GMT
    Oh noes, tanktop. Does this mean that as soon as i get my brand new body, I'll lose my razor-sharp wit and my astonishing brilliance?

    I'm having second thoughts about my goals now... *bites nails* I need my brains for plotting global domination, y'know. icon_sad.gif

    Seriously, as a beginner and a former asthmatic teen, being athletic is totally alien for me. I'm still on the 'trying on new shoes' part. Trying to get comfortable with physical actvities. Intellectual activities are still winning out though. :/ I wanna be balanced.
  • HndsmKansan

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    May 23, 2008 12:22 PM GMT
    Tanktop,

    Your experience is one that many of us can relate to.

    I was a little kid, a geek and didn't really grow up until the end of high school and college. As a kid I was never comfortable with athletics, other than being a fantastic horseback rider. The reality is, I could have done much more, I just didn't have the confidence (and interest in some) to get into physical fitness. Also I had a prick for a gym teacher in 7th grade that shouldn't have ever been given a teaching certificate. My focus was always being an honor student and using my imagination and mind to achieve.

    I followed the same path as you, just earlier. Today I'm very comfortable with who I am physically.
    Its always nice to have someone I knew years ago stare at me and say.. OMG. Enjoy it Tanktop!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 23, 2008 4:28 PM GMT
    Okay, I guess studd was not kidding. Sorry for encouraging him.
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    May 23, 2008 10:04 PM GMT
    A few comments--

    1. For me, being a jock does not mean not being intelligent, but it does mean being athletic, fit, etc. When I say that I am finding that the focus is more on my body and less on my mind, please consider that in the past, it has ONLY been on my mind. So the change is learning to be comfortable with having more attention to the physical.

    2. As for friends, while it may be true that not many people in the "gay scene" are interested in sports, I choose my friends based on common interest, not sexuality, so that's not really an issue for me, if it's true.

    3. As for the concerns about making sure that the people I sleep with are into me, and not "new found hotness," I think those are valid. However, since I am in a monogamous relationship for a few years now, it's not an issue for me personally, since he liked me before. And regarding why people are attracted to someone, I think physical, mental, and spiritual are all valid reasons to be attracted-- I don't separate "hotness" from the person. As you get older, you may lose both physical hotness and mental, so finding someone who is faithful is more important than finding someone attracted to any specific characteristic.


    So some specific things I find challenging as "the jock"

    1. Learning to be comfortable with a partner looking at you, and not assuming that it's some flaw they are observing, instead of some attraction. And learning to leave the lights on.

    2. Being comfortable at gyms, playing sports, etc, where homophobic comments are sometimes prevalent, and reconciling that-- keeping in mind that just as often jock-o-phobic comments can be made in other places.

    3. Being comfortable with other people looking at you (such as by posting photos, taking your shirt off at a pool, etc) without being intimidated.

    I'll keep thinking on it-- thanks for the comments and encouragement.

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    May 23, 2008 10:35 PM GMT
    i've always been more intellectual than physically inclined- in middle school i was downright fat. then joining a swim team and having a growth spurt helped me obtain a six pack, and i've been working ever since to build upon that or at least maintain it- motivated by all the positive feedback and benefits it gave. i'm a regular gym rat now lol, but the intellectual side is still there in spades- i think i'm just more balanced now.
  • GQjock

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    May 23, 2008 11:08 PM GMT
    So some specific things I find challenging as "the jock"

    1. Learning to be comfortable with a partner looking at you...

    2. Being comfortable at gyms, playing sports, etc, where homophobic comments are sometimes prevalent...

    3. Being comfortable with other people looking at you ....


    The thing with your partner being intimidated
    This can be a problem if you don't hit it head on
    Depending on the amount of change if you're in a LTR
    you BF might become threatened on many levels
    He might feel that he's not good enough.. inadequate
    or jealous of other guys attentions
    Best thing would be to include your BF in your transformation along with his

    Being comfortable when homophobic comments are made
    NO ONE said you should Ever be comfortable with comments like that
    A way to make your point known without stating that you're gay is laugh and shake your head or say if they are friends of yours "Wow... I can't believe you just said that" and then walk away

    And last ... getting comfortable with people looking at you
    That's that icing on the cake my man
    There's nothing wrong with that
    People like to look at attractive men
    You can't stop them from looking so enjoy it
    ...while it lasts icon_wink.gif

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    May 24, 2008 1:54 AM GMT
    I think its really important to maintain a balance. I like that the thread-opener actually chose relationships based on some kind of intelligent connection.

    Its important to have that, because that's what keeps relationships going. If you are too focused on looks...well... it becomes a revolving door sort thing...

    you get in one relationship...out of it...in another...out...in....out...etc...

    Balance, is key. And I know for me I could never go out on more than a couple dates with someone who is hot but who I can't really talk to.

    Maybe I'm greedy, but I want to have my cake and eat it too. icon_smile.gif
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    May 24, 2008 8:26 AM GMT
    It is true that my comments here mostly reflect my current neg. resintful p.o. attitude towards life in general, however I am a positive person and I really dont want my negative vibe to effect anyone thinking about realizing their full physicial potential. Its important at 40 y.o. to live in the "male" body that you have even if you have never done so before (a body that is 20percent more muscle than a female and leads to a different mindset too). This is MOST IMPORTANT, however, if you are YOUNG (teenager etc.) and have a talent for a certain sport. Or if you just want to realize a dream to be amongst the best at some sport to prove yourself in competition with others and are willing to put in the hours to get there. In reality you need a lot of both. Trash talk is part of male relations and because men run the world, society is nothing but trash talk. Much of that trash talk in society is about homos but you should never get you down or discouraged nor should you let it fawk with your head, even if it comes from other homos! To compete/try/ and if you can -win agaisnt others in physicial activity is the very essence of being a physical being, and really important as a man (not in a homophobic sense but as a proud homo/bi/whatever..). Being willing to fight for that against huge odds that society puts up against you makes it is all the more galant a struggle and anybody who tries all the more a hero. It is so fawking important if you are a homo/bi/whatever that u are out there competing whatever your age, but espically if you are young. It really bothers me that I seem to be amongst those who would discourage people from engaging in sports/physicial activity just because life can be uncomforable at times, life is hard and it is that stuggle/fight that is what makes it worthwhile whether you win or not. My smack attitude earlier is not right and it is exactly what people should be fighting against.
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    May 24, 2008 6:05 PM GMT
    bgcat57 saidI think in the gay community, the majority of those who say they are into jocks are taking the narrow view of the visual and sexual aspect.
    I love watching gymnastics during the Olympics (as an example) but usually can't watch it with a bunch of gay friends. This is because, while I think that most of the guys are incredible looking, I tire of that aspect quickly and I want to see the actual competition. I've found myself saying "Shut up or go grab a Falcon DVD and go in the other room to relieve yourself."


    I know what you mean. I love to watch sports and the skill, strategy and competition by the teams. When I am watching, I can't stand my friends chatting and blabbing about nothing in particular, and only looking at the players' bodies.