The hard truth and reality for blacks in the gay community

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    Oct 07, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    I've read many topics in this forum and others from blacks wondering why do they seem to be at the lowest echelon, barely on that sadly enough, of the gay community. Why they are so alienated within the community, why cant one view them as simply a human being with a big heart and a lot to put forward and to offer into a positive relationship therefore becoming a partner. Why some dont want anything to do with them not even on a friendship level. Why they are casted as unattractive, unworthy and undesirable. Ive spoken with many gay black men and some women whose experiences in the community and the gay lifestyle as a whole are similar, that being of a sense of never ending loneliness, a sense of hopelessness one claiming when hanging out in a group of nonblack friends, the nonblacks are constantly being acknowledged by others, have frequent dates, relationships and what not but none of that coming their way, at the very least those encounters for them rarely occurs but often they are made to feeling invisible, others acknowledging them only when they have a fetish towards them, "the big black dick" using them as temporary toys and quickly and out of the blue moving on to the next toy, or momentary sexual interests, I here often black gay individuals who frequent social sites and those set up for dating get fewer to no responses from others and commonly seeing on nonblacks and even some other blacks profile pages for that matter, "no blacks", "not into blacks, just a preference". Basically why are they outcasted from the community only because they were born black.

    In the gay community particularly in america, a friend tried to put into perspective that in the united states as a whole, blacks are viewed as socially unacceptable, being looked down on as less then human, have the worst schools, subpar health care systems, mistreated often by police, so many negatives, they are born into a society in which really they dont have a chance. People learn here from an early age, you dont mingle with or mix with blacks. Blacks arent really included or truly welcomed in many venues of lifestyles or organizations here. But I will contradict what my friend has said here for a second, in the straight world, blacks dont really seem to have a huge problem in finding dates or relationships with others. It is a huge issue and a set standard in the gay community. Why is that?? I believe that it goes deeper then learned values from family and society as a whole. It seems to be deeply ingrained even seemingly biologically so in many gay men to look upon their fellow african or black men as and I'm going to be vivid here, repulsive, undesirable, unworthy for anything. What draws me to that conclusion is notice you here alot of nonblack men say to blacks who approach them on the prospects of a relationship, "you are a good guy and all but i dont do blacks" , " I'm not attracted to black men", another common saying that really leads me to wonder on the biological part is ," I cant get myself to do it", as far as even considering a black as a partner. Hmmm, I cant get myself to do it. Is it indeed a biological aspect in many gays to outcast blacks just like biologically they have an undesire for women as a sex or relationship partner. Could they have truly been "born that way". The level of racism and the negative outlooks towards blacks particularly are too wide spread, automatic and way too prevalent to not make one wonder. These scenes arent isolated incidences by no means, happening here or there, this behavior is a set standard. You can have a well built handsome, good head on his shoulders, good hearted black man in a group with a so so looking white or latin dude. Who are most guys going to go for, the white or the latin dude many times over the black one. No matter how handsome you are as black, you dont stand a high chance. Now at 4 in the morning when one is feeling particularly horny, have some drinks in them, they may go for the black guy, but once the sun rises, that black dude has to disappear and from that point quickly turned on and ignored and forgotten about while on the other hand things with the white or latin dude have a more realistic potential of carrying on and even evolving into a relationship.

    Its evident that many blacks really dont have a realistic chance of really enjoying their lives and feeling apart of the gay community and the outlook of the future seems very grim for any changes. One thing some friends pointed out and I know I mentioned this earlier that on some social sites on guy's profiles, the "no blacks" thing is starting to disappear, its concluded by some that "ok", its a little rude to place that in our ads so does this mean a change is somewhat occuring, not even quite, the new standard is, if a black responds, just ignore them. Gay media, which plays a part of potentially shaping ones mind by shining white, latin and asian guys across publications and internet sites, some for example adam4adam are featuring blacks in ads and what not, but that does very little to nothing to shape nonblacks opinions. I'am not saying for one minute, things are not completely impossible, there are nonblacks out there that would give you a chance but positive experiences and connections are far and few between.

    Solutions, its easy to say that blacks should start looking upon each for happiness in this lifestyle, but many have been caught up with the same twisted logic that blacks are unacceptable which is mind boggling as hell because they themselves are black, again is it truly biological even though its twisted that they themselves are part of the race being outcasted. However when over 90% of others dont want you and one is constantly hearing themselves casted in negative ways, unless your a strong willed individual, its hard to truly see any value on one's self or others like them which should be even more of a reason to pull together, but it doesn't happen. Its sad to see some black guys hanging around white or other nonblack guys truly feeling like they are apart of the group with the full benefits and opportunities the others have, now I'm not saying completely these individuals may not truly be their friends, but although laughs and drinks are shared amongst one another, there definitely is a wall there that wont and cant be crossed or broken, its a wall harder then any natural element on earth, higher than the highest mountain on earth. That wall is the black skin of the individual in the group. What lies on the other side of that wall are feelings, one's heart and a positive potential to make one happy, basically a genuine worthy and good individual. But unfortunately many wont attempt to break or climb that wall because what lies one the other side doesn't and could never really matter. As of now, that wall still stands high and strong and unfortunately realistically, that wall will continue to stand.

  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Oct 07, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
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    Oct 07, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    Although there is truth in what you've written, I've subscribed myself to not giving a damn. And I'd be willing to wager Asians and some groups such as Native Americans may be lower on the rungs of the gay hierarchy than us.

    Whether they say it or not, other races have to get annoyed when they feel like we're "pulling the race card", but it can be difficult to wear this skin at times.

    No matter how well I dress, educated I am, my skin color will always cause somebody to clutch their purse, step off the sidewalk or be surprised by my musical tastes or wish they'd gotten to know me before judging.

    It's not my problem. It's every shallow, ignorant person's problem. I mean if it ever gets back to pre-civil rights era times or a black Holocaust, I will take action, but for the moment, I pity those who are missing out on knowing me.

    And don't even get me started on the hatred within the black community in general in rgeards to light-skin, dark-skin, "ghetto", "bougie", etc. It's a problem with no seemingly practical solution, but great for discussion.

    I know I'll be seen as a big, black mandigo dick to some, but that's partly why I'm still a virgin.

    There are people who pay for my lips, skin tone and christmas hams that I can't seem to find a pair of jeans to hide, so hey..my black is beautiful.
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    Oct 07, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    I'm not normally into black guys but the whining is really turning me ON! Don't stop! Yeah baby yeah!!!
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    I know this to be the case in the U.S. but not so in most parts of Canada. In fact on the West Coast (Vancouver) gay black men are very much apprectiated and I would even say sought after. Whille Canada is not without it's prejudice towards other racial groups, Black Men for the most part, it would seem to me, are not treated any differently.

    I could of course only be seeing what I want to. I have always found black men to be very attractive.

    In the end I hate to see any person regardless of their race being treated poorly.
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Oct 07, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidI'm not normally into black guys but the whining is really turning me ON! Don't stop! Yeah baby yeah!!!


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    Oct 07, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    TheKrisPandemic said
    Scruffypup saidI'm not normally into black guys but the whining is really turning me ON! Don't stop! Yeah baby yeah!!!


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    Ha. I love that gif.

    Seriously though, I've noticed some minorities really do whine and complain more about this sort of thing. You NEVER hear Asian dudes go on and on about how they're treated. They just let it roll off their backs and keep on going. And there's something very appealing and admirable about that.
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidSeriously though, I've noticed some minorities really do whine and complain more about this sort of thing. You NEVER hear Asian dudes go on and on about how they're treated. They just let it roll off their backs and keep on going. And there's something very appealing and admirable about that.
    Have you never seen the "WHY WHITE MEN NO RIKE ME?????" threads? icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:22 AM GMT
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    what's up with all the racial threads lately?
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    I will respond to this when I get out of the shower..................sometimes I wonder why my phones don't last me vericon_lol.gify long
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidOh, Scruffy... not so sure about all Gaysians let things just roll off their backs.
    I think we've had some ruffled feathers here on RJ over Asian remarks that could be taken as a compliment or a slight..... icon_neutral.gif



    Yeah, but I'm talking in general terms. I mean how many times have you seen an Asian dude create a thread talking about how unfairly they're treated?
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    TheGuyNextDoor saidOh, Scruffy... not so sure about all Gaysians let things just roll off their backs.
    I think we've had some ruffled feathers here on RJ over Asian remarks that could be taken as a compliment or a slight..... icon_neutral.gif



    Yeah, but I'm talking in general terms. I mean how many times have you seen an Asian dude create a thread talking about how unfairly they're treated?


    Every other day...Are you reading the same forum as everybody else here, orrrr?

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    Oct 07, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    _SAGE_ saidEvery other day...Are you reading the same forum as everybody else here, orrrr?

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    lmfao, quote my "white men no rike me" post so he can see it, cuz he defs has me blocked.
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    I'll date a black guy but not if he starts the sentence with "why is it that the gay community" and end it with "doesnt like black guys?"
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    White men no rike me threads:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/213550

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/273531

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/411780

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/551171

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/843047

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/965620
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    Anduru said
    Scruffypup saidSeriously though, I've noticed some minorities really do whine and complain more about this sort of thing. You NEVER hear Asian dudes go on and on about how they're treated. They just let it roll off their backs and keep on going. And there's something very appealing and admirable about that.
    Have you never seen the "WHY WHITE MEN NO RIKE ME?????" threads? icon_confused.gif


    Quoted for those who have blocked Anduru lol

    Also:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1854321

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/411780

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/965620

    And the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on....Seriously, how can you not have noticed how much the 'Why Don't White Guys Like Me? I'm Asian, FML!' threads utterly saturate the forums?...Seriously, it's become a cliche

    [EDIT] LOL, anduru beat me to the linkagezzzz
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    Oct 07, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidDress 'em up in animal fur and he'll be defending them to the end. icon_rolleyes.gif
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  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Oct 07, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    I swear to everything holy. Are black dudes always the victim?


    *tongue in cheek*

    I am JOKING.
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    Oct 07, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    _SAGE_ said
    Anduru said
    Scruffypup saidSeriously though, I've noticed some minorities really do whine and complain more about this sort of thing. You NEVER hear Asian dudes go on and on about how they're treated. They just let it roll off their backs and keep on going. And there's something very appealing and admirable about that.
    Have you never seen the "WHY WHITE MEN NO RIKE ME?????" threads? icon_confused.gif


    Seriously, how can you not have noticed... it's become a cliche

    [EDIT] LOL, anduru beat me to the linkagezzzz

    Ummmm.....because it's scruffy? icon_razz.gif

    Dress 'em up in animal fur and he'll be defending them to the end. icon_rolleyes.gif


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    Oct 07, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidYou're lucky she's got you blocked! icon_razz.gif The curlers would be flying if she saw that, lol.
    Does she have you blocked too? icon_surprised.gif

    because otherwise...

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    quote away, dear.
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    Oct 07, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    From blacks in the homosexual community to Chanel in under 1 page. That must be a record or something.
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    Oct 07, 2011 4:09 AM GMT
    JP85257 saidI swear to everything holy. Are black dudes always the victim?
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    Oct 07, 2011 4:10 AM GMT
    Sorry for some of the other posts. I really like what you wrote, though with things like this brevity is key. I think it's important for all of us to feel that we can express our feelings on here so bravo to you OP.

    A lot of people on this site have no understanding of how to deal with someone who is struggling with an issue like this. Just remember that society has shaped the conditions that make you feel this way. It is not you. Don't internalize it. Also feel free to PM me for support as long as you're on RJ
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    Um perhaps I'm not normal. But more white guys go after me than black guys. And a lot of black guys go after me.