.......I guess as your gay brother I should answer this.
It sounds to me like you haven't mastered the difference between kindness and what we'll call enlightened self interest (ESI.)
Kindness is when you behave in a way that positively affects other people because you expect that your actions will have a positive influence on those people. A key component of pure kindness is that you be satisfied purely by the result that your actions have on the life of those people.
ESI is related to kindness but it is not pure kindness because it hinges on some expectation of reciprocity. You expect that if you do something kind for someone, you expect something back. It could be anything from love, to returned favors, loyalty or simple appreciation.
To the extent that you expect these things in exchange for any nice thing that you do, you leave yourself open to being hurt because you have created an expectation vacuum that has to be filled by something esoteric (usually another person.) An example might be
I shared my cupcake with todd because I saw that todd was hungry.
The next day todd has a cupcake but does not offer to share it with me, and so I feel betrayed, taken advantage of etc.
If you gave todd the cupcake as an act of kindness (purely for the effect that it would have on him and how it would improve his situation)....it would actually be impossible for todds lack of reciprocity to hurt your feelings. Whenever you do something out of kindness, there is no possibillity for you to be hurt as a result.
The majority of human actions are not acts of kindness, but acts of ESI. When you shift your acts over to the realm of kindness you will being to be able to foster very good relationships with people because you will not expect reciprocity unless the other party consistently behaves in a way that makes it possible to do so.
Practice kindness long enough and you will begin to fuse the benefits of ESI into kindness because you will be able to control more of your environment than you otherwise could. And often kindness yields greater rewards than ESI
I'll give an example.
Since I was a freshman I have been mentoring a kid in a really bad school system. When I met him he had no goals, had no intention of going to college or something of equal merit. He was also incredibly homophobic. Midway into our interaction he discovered I was gay and gave me shit about it for a very long time. If I had been helping him for the sake of ESI I would have been upset that I was wasting all this energy on someone who hated my guts.
We had a very tense relationship, but in the end, instead of becoming some jobless unsatisfied man after highschool, I coached him through his SATs and college admissions process, helped him write all his essays, etc. (his college placement counselor was shit.) He now goes to one of the top 25 colleges in the country (at least according to US news) and has a really really bright future.
He called me a few weeks ago, and told me that he love me, and beyond that explained how sorry he was for all the times he made fun of me or called me a faggot. I'm not sure but i think he may have even been crying.
I never in a thousand years expected him to be okay with me being gay, I never expected him to get over that. But ironically, the fact that I expect anything from the guy allowed me to help him in the short term, and eventually led to him questioning his homophobic upbringing.
I was never dissapointed in him for hating me for being gay because my mission wasn't to make him like me, it was to make sure he had a shot at the future to which he was entitled. If I had given up because I wasn't getting what I wanted, he would still be a raging homophobe. So in the end, my kind act brought me more intrinsic happiness than ESI could have, AND GAVE ME A GREATER PERSONAL RETURN than the ESI route would have.
Once you can do things out of kindness you achieve a level of power over yourself and other people that quite astonishing. I try to be kind to people until they prove that they are worthy of me expecting reciprocity of them. It helps a lot with managing anger.
Whatever you hate about your life or the world, you can attack it but only if you can shift your ESI driven interactions into ones derived from a place of actual kindness. Most of the best decisions I ever made in my life were the ones that had no obvious return.
Even by commenting on your thread I am trying to exercise kindness over ESI because kindness says (waimea deserves the support of another gay man regardless) and ESI says (you no longer want anything from waimea and therefor have no reason to want to share any knowledge/experiences that may be of help to him.)
In short, master expectation, and seek to do things from a place of kindness, and all reciprocity becomes an unexpected gift. In this way you will see a lot more net gains in your interactions than net losses because you are not so personally invested in every "nice" thing that you do.