How you know you are ready to have a boyfriend?

  • Matt2004

    Posts: 26

    Oct 07, 2011 8:54 PM GMT
    am going back and forth with this question...somedays I really really want one and than somedays..i prefer to be ALONE. I just want to deal with me first before I deal with another person drama...


    so how do you know if you are ready?
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Oct 07, 2011 11:18 PM GMT
    I think after you gain the triforce. tumblr_lsao38MXYX1r3rxkmo1_500.gif
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    When the right person comes into your life.

    I've had one real partner; he came into my life, I knew, and I was ready at that point. It was beautiful.

    I had a boyfriend for like three years; I was not ready, I was self-seeking, and I would do anything to make myself feel better about all my shame and hurt.

    I think the real question is are you ready for the challenge?
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    When you are comfortable and secure being alone/single
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    Oct 14, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    Matt2004 saidam going back and forth with this question...somedays I really really want one and than somedays..i prefer to be ALONE. I just want to deal with me first before I deal with another person drama... so how do you know if you are ready?


    Stay single. Only the emotionally/financially needy seek a relationship because they can't handle life. Let a shrink deal with that shit. That's what they get paid for, not you.
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    Oct 14, 2011 5:08 AM GMT
    BlondOverBlue said
    Matt2004 saidam going back and forth with this question...somedays I really really want one and than somedays..i prefer to be ALONE. I just want to deal with me first before I deal with another person drama... so how do you know if you are ready?


    Stay single. Only the emotionally/financially needy seek a relationship because they can't handle life. Let a shrink deal with that shit. That's what they get paid for, not you.


    human-centipede-2-martin.jpg
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    Oct 14, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    When you don't envision every attractive guy you meet to potentially be the "One".
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    Oct 14, 2011 5:27 AM GMT
    You know when...

    You are comfortable being by your self.

    You don't have all these limitations on what a guy should be, such as height, age, abs, hot factor, ect. Those will leave you empty and alone even if you haven't figured it out. It's nice to have but in the end good looking and sweet is all you need.

    You yourself must be grounded in life. Leave the 24-7 gay scene out. That will just condition you into so many wrongs.

    Love your self and respect your self.

    Around 30 something years of age is when most guys start to chill and learn to be men and stop acting/thinking like boys.

    Stop trying to be something your not. People can see right through you, at least the smart ones. Those are the ones you want.
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    Oct 14, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    Matt2004 saidam going back and forth with this question...somedays I really really want one and than somedays..i prefer to be ALONE. I just want to deal with me first before I deal with another person drama...


    so how do you know if you are ready?


    I keep asking myself same question, but best answer I can give you is don't hurry things. Be open-minded and accepting, and eventually someone will come and sweep you off your feet.

    You can never really know if you're ready until it happens. I myself got a lot of things going on right now, so I can't say that I am out looking for one. At same time though, if a great guy comes along and fall head over heels for him, then I won't say no to it and instead will accept the challenge.


    Plus, why is it that you can't have time to yourself sometimes even in a relationship? You don't have to be in a relationship and be with each other 24/7. I am sure that you and your future partner will have days when you want to be alone to focus on other aspects of your life.

    I don't know though, that's just my opinion and I might be wrong.
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    Oct 14, 2011 5:38 AM GMT
    I think Cash likes you, BoB, it must be your elan.

    Matt, there's no such thing as ready. Boyfriend is not the same as spouse. When you find yourself no longer thinking about yourself first, it means you're married with kids. One step at a time and you'll be fine.
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    Oct 14, 2011 5:41 AM GMT
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    Oct 15, 2011 11:56 AM GMT
    7Famark saidWhen you are comfortable and secure being alone/single


    This. As soon as I was content being alone and wasn't looking for anything I stumbled upon an amazing guy icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 15, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    7Famark saidWhen you are comfortable and secure being alone/single


    Yes and no.

    There is an unhealthy/unrealistic attitude at both ends of this spectrum: the "I need a man!" end and the "I don't need anyone!" end. It is unhealthy to want to find The One so badly that you imagine anyone is Him and you'll date, sleep with, or invest in anyone hoping he turns into Him. At the same time, I think it's unrealistic to pretend you are ennobled or a better person because you are functional in isolation. Your independence isn't better or worse than someone else's interdependence. Some people need emotional community and some people need emotional freedom.

    To pretend that the above quoted cliche is universal is naive in my opinion.

    There seems to be this - maybe particularly American - idea that we all need to be fiercely independent, and if we are not then we're somehow diminished. That it's undesirable to desire something "too much", whatever that ends up meaning. I think it's wrong to assume this is an ideal or even OK stance for everyone to take... and it puts us in the bizarre position of having to pretend that, should all of us end up living alone at 85 years old because we never found love, that this is an acceptable (or noble!) outcome.
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    Oct 15, 2011 3:37 PM GMT
    WaitWhat saidWhen you don't envision every attractive guy you meet to potentially be the "One".


    Um, I think this is a little wrong. Of course we want the one to be attractive. But when you meet him and you see wedding bells, yea a little batshit crazy.
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    Oct 15, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    When you found that someone you can actually trust.
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    Oct 15, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    7Famark saidWhen you are comfortable and secure being alone/single


    Yes and no.

    There is an unhealthy/unrealistic attitude at both ends of this spectrum: the "I need a man!" end and the "I don't need anyone!" end. It is unhealthy to want to find The One so badly that you imagine anyone is Him and you'll date, sleep with, or invest in anyone hoping he turns into Him. At the same time, I think it's unrealistic to pretend you are ennobled or a better person because you are functional in isolation. Your independence isn't better or worse than someone else's interdependence. Some people need emotional community and some people need emotional freedom.

    To pretend that the above quoted cliche is universal is naive in my opinion.

    There seems to be this - maybe particularly American - idea that we all need to be fiercely independent, and if we are not then we're somehow diminished. That it's undesirable to desire something "too much", whatever that ends up meaning. I think it's wrong to assume this is an ideal or even OK stance for everyone to take... and it puts us in the bizarre position of having to pretend that, should all of us end up living alone at 85 years old because we never found love, that this is an acceptable (or noble!) outcome.


    This I have to disagree with. Independence is a much better quality than interdependence on another human being. Many men are looking for someone to compliment their lives and not complete them. Not only that, but if you are unhappy by yourself a relationship isnt going to change that.

    Many guys rush the relationship factor, and they dont take the time to get to know each other. Do what I do, sex first relationship later.
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    Oct 15, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    Chainers saidIndependence is a much better quality than interdependence on another human being.


    What makes it better?

    Or rather, what makes it better for every man everywhere?
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    Oct 15, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    Chainers saidIndependence is a much better quality than interdependence on another human being.


    What makes it better?

    Or rather, what makes it better for every man everywhere?


    Because independence is a quality of an adult with interdependence is the quality of a child. If you need someone to be happy/healthy/financially stable then you are still a child, you have yet to figure out how to do these things on your own.
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    Oct 15, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Larkin_PLR said
    Chainers saidIndependence is a much better quality than interdependence on another human being.


    What makes it better?

    Or rather, what makes it better for every man everywhere?


    Because independence is a quality of an adult with interdependence is the quality of a child. If you need someone to be happy/healthy/financially stable then you are still a child, you have yet to figure out how to do these things on your own.


    Interdependence is not codependence. You can desire community and relationship and emotional connection without being a child.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 15, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    I think when you have a degree of contentment with who you are and want to share with someone else. You are open to learning and willing to
    put someone else's needs ahead of your own in cases.
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    Oct 15, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    Chainers said
    Larkin_PLR said
    Chainers saidIndependence is a much better quality than interdependence on another human being.


    What makes it better?

    Or rather, what makes it better for every man everywhere?


    Because independence is a quality of an adult with interdependence is the quality of a child. If you need someone to be happy/healthy/financially stable then you are still a child, you have yet to figure out how to do these things on your own.


    Interdependence is not codependence. You can desire community and relationship and emotional connection without being a child.


    Desiring community and emotional connection is not being dependent on someone else. Those are two different things. One is community oriented, the other is community dependent. Key word here is dependent. Are you dependent on others to be happy? If you go a day without feeling accepted by the community will you be ok? See what Im getting at here. Being dependent on the community isnt healthy. Wanting to connect and share is.
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    Oct 15, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Larkin_PLR said
    Chainers said
    Larkin_PLR said
    Chainers saidIndependence is a much better quality than interdependence on another human being.


    What makes it better?

    Or rather, what makes it better for every man everywhere?


    Because independence is a quality of an adult with interdependence is the quality of a child. If you need someone to be happy/healthy/financially stable then you are still a child, you have yet to figure out how to do these things on your own.


    Interdependence is not codependence. You can desire community and relationship and emotional connection without being a child.


    Desiring community and emotional connection is not being dependent on someone else. Those are two different things. One is community oriented, the other is community dependent. Key word here is dependent. Are you dependent on others to be happy? If you go a day without feeling accepted by the community will you be ok? See what Im getting at here. Being dependent on the community isnt healthy. Wanting to connect and share is.


    That border between want and need is very hazy, it seems to me. And I don't think this value is universal.

    I think humans are social creatures and it is culture that trains us to think we should reject that nature. And I think it depends on your personality as well. Like I said, there's an unhealthy extreme to this, people can become obsessed and needy of course, but I don't think it's "better" to be the kind of personality that is perfectly content to be by themselves.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 15, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    I think both Larkin_PLR and Chainers are correct.

    We as humans (especially in the 21st century) have succeeded in socially isolating ourselves. Human beings are social creatures by nature, and therefore require the interaction other humans provide so that no one is ever completely independent emotionally speaking without serious mental consequences.

    That being said, the focus of the conversation was regarding relationships and knowing when you're ready for one. Chainers was getting at the fact that you must be a fully assumed and developed individual before you should be in a relationship, which I also agree with, and think is more overlooked.

    Both of you have brought up very good points icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 15, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    dancedancekj, who said you could come in here and make peace?? :p
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    Oct 15, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saiddancedancekj, who said you could come in here and make peace?? :p


    Agreed. The impending flame war would have brought much lulz.