Bear cub trapped in a twink's body

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    Oct 08, 2011 1:47 PM GMT
    Okay, so that title is a little bit of an exaggeration. I know I'll never be a bear cub and I don't consider myself a twink, but let me explain my problem.

    Please take a look at this image:
    mybigproblem.jpg

    I find the guy on the left incredibly sexy - young looking but buzzcut, beard, muscles, slightly receding temples. Testosterone testosterone testosterone. I very much want to be the guy on the left.

    Unfortunately I look like the guy on the right.

    I really hate the "t" word as I am very masculine acting, but I am afraid that is all most guys see when they look at me. The least I can do is grow my thin goatee out; I haven't cut it in over a year since I'm afraid I'll look even more young and "boyish" (gag) if I do.

    I should be grateful a lot of muscular hairy guys find me attractive but I want them to see me as a MAN, not as a boy. I stopped dating, doing any type of sex stuff since whenever I meet these guys, I inevitably got the feeling that they were attracted because they saw me as "boyish" and I always FEEL boyish and submissive lying next to them when all I want is to do is feel or at least feel like I am becoming just as manly as they are.

    Anyway I tried brainstorming solutions, but....
    1. "Work Out, Stupid
    I tried working out every day last summer for 3 months but only gained like 2 kilo/4 pounds or so. It won't change my body type. I want to gain mass not "tone".

    My big fear is that I will put so much effort into it and I will end up with a "toned" body. Ricky over at "barely legal twinks.com" has "toned" muscle. I'm afraid I won't be able to gain any substantial mass (natural-looking) mass without a full-time nutrionist and personal trained, both of which I can't afford.

    2. Love Yourself, etc.
    I know it's like "yes bla bla bla faggot everyone has things they don't like about their body" but what if you just want to be manly and you find your own body type fundamentally unattractive. It's not that I'm THIN, I can find guys with lean muscle attractive, I just find the nearly-hairless TWINK-level thin look a huge turn-off. (btw there's nothing wrong with it, it's just not my cup of tea)

    Telling me to "love myself" doesn't really work since, let's say you have a type, and that type is bears, or maybe it's twinks, or X. And someone tells you, "you shouldn't love Type X, you should love Type Y!" I can't -make- myself find twinkish guys attractive and I don't really want to so how can I find myself attractive?



    I'm hoping once the rest of my beard comes in in the next few years I can leave "involuntary twinkhood" forever. Does anyone else have this problem or in your opinion, is "twinkhood" more of an attitude thing? Is it more depending on behaviors that makes a guy seem "boyish/boi-ish/twinkish" to you?

    P.S - If you are a twink or "boy", and you self-describe that way and feel that way, I have nothing but congrats for you. Honestly I don't mean to insinuate this body type is "bad" in any way, it's just not what I wanna be stuck with or have other people see me as. There's nothing wrong with it, it's not my cup of tea, and I'm asking what to do when I find my own body a turn off.
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    Oct 08, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    WELCOME TO MY LIFE!

    I get called 'cute' a lot, but I want to be 'hot'. Also, most of the guys I'm attracted to don't find me attractive, and I often get ignored by them. The problem is, I don't really blame them. I wish I had a better body as well!
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    You guys cut yourself a break, seriously. You are both very young and you will continue to mature. I never put on any REAL size (over 200 lbs) until I was in my early 30's. You will continue to grow and mature for years now.

    Get into the gym and learn to enjoy sports.... dont just workout to look good.... enjoy your body! Find a sport that you can be passionate about and pursue it!

    Eat... eat healthy, dont do drugs, get plenty of rest...

    Seriously, you guys need to be patient.
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:13 PM GMT
    Alpha_Muscle saidYou guys cut yourself a break, seriously. You are both very young and you will continue to mature. I never put on any REAL size (over 200 lbs) until I was in my early 30's. You will continue to grow and mature for years now.

    Get into the gym and learn to enjoy sports.... dont just workout to look good.... enjoy your body! Find a sport that you can be passionate about and pursue it!

    Eat... eat healthy, dont do drugs, get plenty of rest...

    Seriously, you guys need to be patient.

    That's what I tell myself, and honestly, I hardly know anyone (my age) as patient as I can be. I know that I'll eventually be able to get into shape.

    On the other hand, being patient doesn't make up for the current social and psychological aspect of not being able to socialise with guys I admire and want to be like.

    I can be as patient as a snail who wants to go on vacation, but according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, forming such relationships are necessary when one is a young adult. If one does not receive that validation, then it takes a toll on one's psychological state.
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    nicerough said
    Alpha_Muscle saidYou guys cut yourself a break, seriously. You are both very young and you will continue to mature. I never put on any REAL size (over 200 lbs) until I was in my early 30's. You will continue to grow and mature for years now.

    Get into the gym and learn to enjoy sports.... dont just workout to look good.... enjoy your body! Find a sport that you can be passionate about and pursue it!

    Eat... eat healthy, dont do drugs, get plenty of rest...

    Seriously, you guys need to be patient.

    That's what I tell myself, and honestly, I hardly know anyone (my age) as patient as I can be. I know that I'll eventually be able to get into shape.

    On the other hand, being patient doesn't make up for the current social and psychological aspect of not being able to socialise with guys I admire and want to be like.

    I can be as patient as a snail who wants to go on vacation, but according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, forming such relationships are necessary when one is a young adult. If one does not receive that validation, then it takes a toll on one's psychological state.


    (ppssstttt.... you are doing it again.... stop overthinking it)

    Consider an American football game. You have to move the ball 100 yards down the field to score while the other team is trying to stop you. So, while we all LOVE the long ball and seeing a huge play that isn't how games are won. They are won by moving the ball down the field. A little bit at a time, sometimes in big leaps, sometimes just a few yards....

    Life is a process. Ask yourself this question, "Am I moving the ball downfield today?" You dont have to make a touchdown.... just move the ball down field. Process.
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREOn the other hand, being patient doesn't make up for the current social and psychological aspect of not being able to socialise with guys I admire and want to be like.

    I can be as patient as a snail who wants to go on vacation, but according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, forming such relationships are necessary when one is a young adult. If one does not receive that validation, then it takes a toll on one's psychological state.

    --------------------------

    Truth truth truth, let me tell you how true this is....

    I moved to Turkey for many reasons, some of which I must not even be able to consciously articulate, but it was really great coming here and being treated by an equal by so many manly-looking guys my age.

    Yes, I didn't have too many friends back in my US college, I studied abroad over here one year, made a ton of very close platonic friends, and now I am living here. But sometimes I think...."Is it that, subconsciously, being accepted as a man, being accepted as one of their friends, being accepted as a Turk (most ppl here assume I am a Turk)....by so many hairy, manly-looking guys is really good for your self-esteem?

    And the answer is probably yes. Alpha_Muscle I really appreciate it your encouragement but I can really emphasize with nicerough. I'm sure it happened for a lot of reasons, but I'm a fucking expat. And I am sure my beard will come in in the near future, maybe I'll gain some muscle naturally too, but I really feel like part of my life is just wasted in the meantime.....no relationships for me until Age X!?? icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 08, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    The one on the right is cute/perfect/desirable/worthy of being asked out - the one on the left is not.

    Problem solved. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 08, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster, thank you for the kind words, but did you read my post? icon_sad.gif This is exactly my problem.

    Some guys like the kid on the right.
    This isn't a problem, but I like the guy on the left.
    I want to be like the guy on the left.
    I want to FEEL like the guy on the left.
    On the inside, I FEEL like the guy on the left.
    I don't consider guy on the right attractive.

    Even some guys who look like Left-Guy like me, invariably they will see as the "cute boy" on the right.
    Which makes me want to puke. icon_sad.gif So no gay relationships for me until I find a guy who has some Dom/Sub qualities and wants to make me into his project, somehow turning me into the guy on the left as best he can (and getting off on it.)
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    Oct 08, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    DMaxC--

    It seems like much of what you're dealing with is a confidence issue.

    No matter who you're interested in, you will meet guys who are going to have preconceived ideas about what you like to do in the sack because of what you look like.

    Some of them will not be able to wrap their minds around the idea that you are not submissive. Cross these guys off the list and move on. Don't take it personally: it's their limitation, not yours.

    There will be other guys who will be either a) willing, or b) excited to learn that you're not just looking to be a sub. Try posting a hookup ad that says something like, "Young, lean, innocent-looking guy wants to dominate 30-something muscle jocks" and you'll rock more than a few guys' worlds.

    And yeah, AlphaMuscle hits it pretty head on. You've got the chance to grow into something. You're a lot better off because you know what it is.

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    Oct 08, 2011 3:06 PM GMT
    DMaxC said
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREOn the other hand, being patient doesn't make up for the current social and psychological aspect of not being able to socialise with guys I admire and want to be like.

    I can be as patient as a snail who wants to go on vacation, but according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, forming such relationships are necessary when one is a young adult. If one does not receive that validation, then it takes a toll on one's psychological state.

    --------------------------

    Truth truth truth, let me tell you how true this is....

    I moved to Turkey for many reasons, some of which I must not even be able to consciously articulate, but it was really great coming here and being treated by an equal by so many manly-looking guys my age.

    Yes, I didn't have too many friends back in my US college, I studied abroad over here one year, made a ton of very close platonic friends, and now I am living here. But sometimes I think...."Is it that, subconsciously, being accepted as a man, being accepted as one of their friends, being accepted as a Turk (most ppl here assume I am a Turk)....by so many hairy, manly-looking guys is really good for your self-esteem?

    And the answer is probably yes. Alpha_Muscle I really appreciate it your encouragement but I can really emphasize with nicerough. I'm sure it happened for a lot of reasons, but I'm a fucking expat. And I am sure my beard will come in in the near future, maybe I'll gain some muscle naturally too, but I really feel like part of my life is just wasted in the meantime.....no relationships for me until Age X!?? icon_sad.gif


    Bless your heart, man. I am so sorry that you guys went through this. But I still think that you need to give yourself a break. I know it is hard. Guys, being gay is hard... maybe that will change, and it is changing. But it isn't changing fast enough for most of us.

    I came out at 45 years old. I am started life all brand new and it has really been difficult. You guys are also learning to make your own way. All I want you boys to do it be your own best friend... it is hard enough to live in a world that criticizes you, so dont criticize yourself so much.

    Moving to Turkey was difficult for you, but it sounds like a good move! Making that sort of courageous and dramatic change is so strong and so powerful! Good luck to all of you.
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    Oct 08, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    DMaxC saidSome guys like the kid on the right.
    This isn't a problem, but I like the guy on the left.
    I want to be like the guy on the left.
    I want to FEEL like the guy on the left.
    On the inside, I FEEL like the guy on the left.
    I don't consider guy on the right attractive.

    Exactly!

    DMaxC saidAnd I am sure my beard will come in in the near future, maybe I'll gain some muscle naturally too, but I really feel like part of my life is just wasted in the meantime.....no relationships for me until Age X!??

    NO!

    What Alpha_Muscle's been saying does have a certain truth to it. You can't just expect yourself to 'gain some muscle naturally'. You need to work for it.

    Even I've started taking steps to get built. Very small steps, but it's certainly in the right direction. You can't just sit around and feel bad for this part of it. I can understand not feeling like your inner self, and not wanting guys to like you for something you feel isn't who you really are, but I can't agree with this. You need to be the change you want!
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    Oct 08, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    You forgot one solution:

    Eat. You have to eat big to get big. Seriously- if you ever saw how much food I, a 6'7" 295 lb giant, packs away, you'd be impressed scared shitless. Look up a meal plan that works for you and figure out how many calories, protein, carbs and fats you need in order for you to be your desirable size.
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    Oct 08, 2011 3:59 PM GMT
    Bullwinklemoos saidYou forgot one solution:

    Eat. You have to eat big to get big. Seriously- if you ever saw how much food I, a 6'7" 295 lb giant, packs away, you'd be impressed scared shitless. Look up a meal plan that works for you and figure out how many calories, protein, carbs and fats you need in order for you to be your desirable size.


    that is where I get fucked in the head (only place lately, but thats another emo thread). I am always afraid I will just get fat instead of "GRRRRRR"
  • ConnerHabib

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    Oct 08, 2011 4:02 PM GMT
    1. Wait a sec, but the guy on the left is about to fuck the guy on the right. So, uh, if you're attracted to the guy on the left and look like the guy on the right, what's the problem?

    2. Your metabolism changes as you get older, you may gain weight then. Don't sweat it.

    3. Read How To Eat, Move, and Be Healthy by Paul Chek if you want to start changes soon.

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    Oct 08, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    You can buy testosterone over the counter in turkey...

  • Timbales

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    Oct 08, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    Be healthy and confident and don't get hung up on 'types' and you'll find there will be more guys than you can handle after you.
  • Sparkycat

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    Oct 08, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
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    Oct 08, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    If you have a hot face and a twink body, it's like you won the lottery, many guys absolutely love the twink look, at least you're not fat, there's this guy I see around campus who's very fat and ugly (I feel so mean typing that icon_confused.gif) and who's obviously gay, God fucked him over. It sounds like you need to work on your self-esteem.
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    Oct 08, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    eat every 3 hours!
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    Oct 08, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    Sexy is confidence and confidence is SEXY.

    Be happy with what you have, work to improve what you can, accentuate the positive, and accept the body you were given.

    I would love to be considered beefy, but I know it's just not in my genes. My man thinks I'm hot, and that's all that matters to me right now.
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    Oct 08, 2011 5:37 PM GMT
    Q: Where do you see muscles in the guy on the left? the one in the suit? Dude is just plain fat if you ask me...
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    Oct 08, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    two sites to check out:

    recon.com
    daddyhunt.com

    I'm still not sure of the type if guy you want to attract - but trust me... he's out there, and I can pretty much guarantee you are the type (just as you are) that he's lookin' for. There are plenty of bearish guys that like slim "twink" types. I think you're being too hard on yourself (patience is THE word here) and you're assuming a lot about how the world works.

    At 45 I'm still discovering things I didn't know about myself and other people. Relax, cast a wider net, and be patient with this process. You're quite young - and I remember how intense everything was for me... but trust me/us: you and your world/situation will change. Give it time. icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 08, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    I have no sympathy for twinks trying to pack on meat. EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT. If you want to gain size. THEN EAT SOME MORE. But not just crappy junk food, make sure you're conscious of what you eat.

    I have the exact opposite problem... due some some medical bad-luck, my metabolism is about as slow as George Washington's horse... (i.e. DEAD) So I eat celery and get fat pretty much...

    But this isn't about me, it's about you. What I'm trying to say is I know what you mean about wanting to look like a 'type' that you may just never be. For me it's the muscular built look, for you it's the 'muscular(?)' bear look.. but what it all comes down to is acceptance that maybe we just will never 'be who we want to be' in that physical sense, but that CERTAINLY doesn't mean I'm not going to be hot or sexy to other people.

    Also, opposites attract, so if you LIKE that kind of person, maybe think about the type of person that THEY are attracted to... clearly that dude on the left is about to dominate the shit out of the guy on the right.. so who cares? Bed-room rules end at the threshold to the rest of the house. If you're the bitch in the sack, you might very well be the MAN of the house...
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    Oct 08, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    When I first read "bear cub trapped" I literally though it was about a baby bear trapped in something. Then I read on, saw "in twink's body" in horror, and realized nope..it was just another gay thread.
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    Oct 08, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    So...let me get this...your a straight acting twink with body hair (I think?) Thats kind of like the lottery for tons of guys. They love the twink look but hate the "fem" that comes with it (traditionally). Love who you are and get the guy on the left...