"You're attractive and you have a great personality so WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?"

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  Oct 09, 2011 7:01 AM GMT

  Anyone else gets this question a lot from potential BFs? I do, and I hate it, I'm talking IRL not online.
  
  I hate it because it's like saying, well, you seem like a great guy but what is wrong with you? It just makes me feel inadequate and how am I supposed to reply to that? Well, yeah, I may look good on the outside but I'm rotten on the inside, that's why I'm single /endrant

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  Oct 09, 2011 7:06 AM GMT

  JINX!
  
  I JUST wrote a post similar to this!!!!
  
  Btw, I wasn't a big JLo fan, but realized I never give people a chance and I LOVE the "LOVE?" CD.
  
  Did you know Hypnoticeo was written by Lady Gaga?

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  Oct 09, 2011 7:07 AM GMT

  Unexplainable saidJINX!
  
  I JUST wrote a post similar to this!!!!
  
  Btw, I wasn't a big JLo fan, but realized I never give people a chance and I LOVE the "LOVE?" CD.
  
  Did you know Hypnoticeo was written by Lady Gaga?

  
  
  I didn't see your thread hahaha, sorry and yes, she also wrote Invading my Mind, LOVE? is definitely one of my favorite CDs ever!!! Papi, I'm Into You, Charge Me Up, What is LOVE?, they're all great songs!

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  Oct 09, 2011 7:13 AM GMT

  Hypnotico said

  Unexplainable saidJINX!
  
  I JUST wrote a post similar to this!!!!
  
  Btw, I wasn't a big JLo fan, but realized I never give people a chance and I LOVE the "LOVE?" CD.
  
  Did you know Hypnoticeo was written by Lady Gaga?

  
  
  I didn't see your thread hahaha, sorry and yes, she also wrote Invading my Mind, LOVE? is definitely one of my favorite CDs ever!!! Papi, I'm Into You, Charge Me Up, What is LOVE?, they're all great songs!

  
  Why're you apologizing? haha. Until it Beats no More, What is LOVE? and One Love are my Jams. I liked the Papi break in "I'm into You", but the final video was hot too. I got her unreleased one with "Good Hit" and a bunch of other sexy songs too
  
  And I think in your case, they don't realize how attractive you are and that guys might be intimidated.
  
  People assume every good looking guy is in a happy relationship just because they're so "hot". They don't realize not everybody has found 'that someone", I guess...just my two cents
  
  

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  Oct 09, 2011 7:19 AM GMT

  Unexplainable said

  Hypnotico said

  Unexplainable saidJINX!
  
  I JUST wrote a post similar to this!!!!
  
  Btw, I wasn't a big JLo fan, but realized I never give people a chance and I LOVE the "LOVE?" CD.
  
  Did you know Hypnoticeo was written by Lady Gaga?

  
  
  I didn't see your thread hahaha, sorry and yes, she also wrote Invading my Mind, LOVE? is definitely one of my favorite CDs ever!!! Papi, I'm Into You, Charge Me Up, What is LOVE?, they're all great songs!

  
  Why're you apologizing? haha. Until it Beats no More, What is LOVE? and One Love are my Jams. I liked the Papi break in "I'm into You", but the final video was hot too. I got her unreleased one with "Good Hit" and a bunch of other sexy songs too
  
  And I think in your case, they don't realize how attractive you are and that guys might be intimidated.
  
  People assume every good looking guy is in a happy relationship just because they're so "hot". They don't realize not everybody has found 'that someone", I guess...just my two cents
  
  

  
  
  I dunno hahaha, what unreleased one? Good Hit was on the official album, and yes I forgot to mention One Love, I love that song, "took a shot with the bad boy from the block" P Diddy and JLO made such a cute couple!!! She recorded a new song produced by Will.I.am and RedOne, can't fuckin wait!
  
  Thanks for the compliment I also hate it when guys tell me "You're single? all the other guys must have been blind", maybe I like being single and it's my choice, there's nothing wrong with me!!! That's what I would like to tell them

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  Oct 09, 2011 12:03 PM GMT

  Maybe it's because your too picky man.
  
  I'm sure guys must approach you and stuff but they aren't what your after.
  
  

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  Oct 09, 2011 12:41 PM GMT

  How's this; explain that puzzle pieces interlock with others that fit. The human race is a pretty big jigsaw puzzle and so the chances of two great fits easily meeting is not so easy.
  
  
  However, as humans we have a big advantage over a jigsaw puzzle, we're flexible and adaptable, making it possible for several other pieces out there to fit rather well. It simply takes time for two pieces like that to discover each other.
  
  -Doug

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  Oct 09, 2011 12:53 PM GMT

  Hypnotico saidAnyone else gets this question a lot from potential BFs? I do, and I hate it, I'm talking IRL not online.

  
  Everyone, straight or gay, is single at some point in their lives, unless they live in cultures that practice arranged child marriages. And a single gay guy at 21 doesn't make me wonder at all, and not something I'd ever question him about.
  
  Many guys ARE single at 21, at best doing short-term dating, learning the ropes (not necessarily THOSE ropes ), preparing themselves for the more significant LTRs to come. I find nothing out of the ordinary in this at all.
  
  I'll tell you the ones I really do wonder about: older guys, some even closer to my age, who have never had a partner, or an LTR, some never able to keep a BF in their entire lives. And I've met these guys. Worse, I've dated a few.
  
  And while I was never so blunt to ask them outright, I did wonder about it once I learned of it, and they usually told me anyway. Generalized answers about not being ready to settle down (with time running out on them), not finding the perfect guy yet (don't hold your breath), and being a solitary person not able to live with others (for which I felt sorry for them, almost breaking out into Streisand's "People" but realizing they were not for me).
  
  BTW, Hypnotico, I think you're one of the most attractive of our young members here, with an irresistible smile. Maybe that's why some rather insensitive guys ask you such a personal question, it being inconceivable to them that you wouldn't be hitched already. It may be their idea of a compliment.
  
  Answer that you enjoy dating at this point, but really too busy with school to do much more for a while yet and before seeing where you might relocate (actually a wise strategy for yourself), but after getting yourself settled you don't expect to stay single for long. All true, correct? And if the guy doesn't like hearing that mature plan for your life, and can't see the logic of it, maybe the problem is with him and not you. He's an example of Doug's jigsaw puzzle above.

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  Oct 09, 2011 1:19 PM GMT

  Not everyone is meant to be in a relationship. Some are lasting, some are fleeting and others are far and few between. Simple as that. Not everyone is meant to be with someone.
  
  Maybe I'm lacking a heart and a "care-o-meter" but when people ask me this question I reply "So what's the problem because I don't see one?" or when someone asks me to give them an honest opinion as to why they are single I just say "Maybe it's not in your cards" and they kinda get miffed by that response.
  
  Bottom line is if you want to be in relationship then you'll be in a relationship. From my experience those who complain about not being in a relationship are often the ones who sabotage their own success and opportunity at being in one and quickly claim that they aren't the problem. If that were the case then they'd be the one's turning people down instead of being turned down.

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  Oct 09, 2011 1:53 PM GMT

  NO

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• NerdLifter
  
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  Oct 09, 2011 2:03 PM GMT

  Often guys that ask that question forget that meeting other gay men is not as easy as it sounds.
  
  I'll be blunt: statistically speaking, there are far fewer of us and spread out, so unless you live in a gay-hub town/city, you plainly have a lower population density to work with.
  
  The statistics problem is compounded by the fact that there are still people who actively hide their sexuality from co-workers, family, and/or friends.
  
  That is compounded again by the fact you have to *share* a romantic interest in one another.
  
  So, the probability of finding a man is third-order statistical probability, which makes it very slim. Let's take very optimistic (by no means accurate) numbers. 1 out of 10 men are gay, 8 out of 10 gay men are out, 1 out of 10 out-gay men will find you attractive.
  
  (0.10)*(0.80)*(0.10) = 0.008 = 0.8% Chance the man you are talking to will find you attractive and you can pursue dating him. That is 8 in 1000 men. And that is based upon extremely optimistic numbers.
  
  Ironically, people find other attractive when they are in relationships; in their minds it validates that they is something right about this person that makes them worthwhile. The same phenomenon can be seen in the job market: many employers do not want to hire you if you are not currently employed. Ironic? yes. Stupid? Yes.
  
  Every other date I've been on I've been asked: why are you still single? Which hints at they are trying to actively find what is wrong with you in order to reject you. It's a viscous little cycle that feeds on itself.
  
  And, at the risk of sounding like a pompous dick, I personally do think I'm an attractive guy with a lot to offer a mate, but getting your foot in the door out of single-dom is perhaps the hardest step of all.

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• HndsmKansan
  
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  Oct 09, 2011 2:12 PM GMT

  I have received that online, on things like FB and here on RJ....
  
  I just make sure they understand that I'm not single...and since coming out, have never been....
  
  

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  Oct 09, 2011 2:15 PM GMT

  I've received some variant of this comment in my life and my comment is very simple - because I want to be. When I'm with someone, it'll be for the long-term.

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  Oct 09, 2011 4:01 PM GMT

  Some people mean "why are you single?" (and variations on it like, "how could he break up with you!?") as a compliment... even though it's pretty insensitive. If you are at all uncomfortable with the fact that you're single, it sounds like a criticism: they are saying "what's wrong with you." Whereas the speaker usually (naively) assumes it's the more positive "you're so great, anyone would be lucky to have you!"
  
  People ask me how I can be single somewhat frequently. It used to irritate me, or even hurt my feelings, but now I sort of roll my eyes and say, "It's hard work having no dates, but I manage somehow."

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• CuriousJockAZ
  
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  Oct 09, 2011 4:18 PM GMT

  I really don't mind being single, but I think I'm starting to bore myself

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• MarvelClimber
  
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  Oct 09, 2011 4:32 PM GMT

  Comments like that speak to our notion that humans must be paired to be truly happy and fulfilled. It's a bit naive to think that all attractive, good-natured people are paired, so the rest of the undesirables have to battle it out for mates When I get asked that question, or any other silly question, I let it roll off. My advice: don't take it to heart. It's one of those things people say because they heard it somewhere, but don't understand that it has no real meaning behind it. If you think of it that way, then you won't insert a meaning into the statement that harms your self esteem.

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  Oct 09, 2011 4:51 PM GMT

  "Single" doesn't mean unhappy or incomplete, anymore than "Relationship" means happy or content.
  
  I always suspect that guys that say something like to me that are transferring their own issues with being single over to me.. and assuming anyone who is single must have something wrong with them in some way like they are.
  
  To be honest the most damaged guys I know are the ones always playing "serial monogamy" in this effort to fix something wrong in their lives, without ever pausing to realize a relationship should compliment a life already good, not to fix something that's wrong with it..
  
  when choose to date someone to fix something wrong with their lives, they also plant the seed for the relationship to fail.. seen it many times.
  
  - rj
  
  
  

  Hypnotico saidAnyone else gets this question a lot from potential BFs? I do, and I hate it, I'm talking IRL not online.
  
  I hate it because it's like saying, well, you seem like a great guy but what is wrong with you? It just makes me feel inadequate and how am I supposed to reply to that? Well, yeah, I may look good on the outside but I'm rotten on the inside, that's why I'm single /endrant

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  Oct 09, 2011 7:32 PM GMT

  Hmhmhm. I had to turn a lotttt of people down until I got to the one that I'm in.
  
  
  I... yes ... have probably gotten that question from every single one of those potentials, as well. I honestly don't know what the appropriate response to that question is either! I would hope that I am not that stingy. I get along with a very large number of people. There are very, very few people that have that intriguing quality about them. *shrug* I sorta feel like I am a little too stingy.

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  Oct 09, 2011 7:34 PM GMT

  You can always say because you're a slut.

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• dancedancekj
  
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  Oct 09, 2011 7:48 PM GMT

  What I mean when I say this:
  "You're attractive and you have a great personality but WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?" Damn, he's cute, and I like him, and he's AVAILABLE! Hope I don't fuck this up.

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• tuffguyndc
  
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  Oct 09, 2011 7:55 PM GMT

  bro, i am single because i choose to be single. that is what you tell them the next time someone ask you why you are single

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  Oct 09, 2011 8:12 PM GMT

  Attractive with personality and single because
  
  1) You do not have planets in the 7th house of your astrological natal chart
  
  2) Your north node is in your first house rather than in your seventh house
  
  3) Your rising sign is in Leo
  
  4) Your north node is in Leo
  
  5) Your sun is near your Ascendant rather than your Descendant
  
  6) Your sun is near your Midheaven rather than your Descendant. Accomplishment in your field has a higher priority than relationships.
  
  7) Your north node is near your Midheaven rather than your Descendant. Your inner motivation is for accomplishment while relationships are secondary.
  
  8 You're one of the Chinese Astrological signs that should not date someone too close to your age.
  
  9) You're not ready for a relationship until you progress into an astrological sign that gives you motivation for a relationship. I progressed from Taurus to Gemini. Stuck-in-the-rut Taurus can get through a single phase of 30 years maximum. A progression into Gemini makes a person more needy for companionship. It's like the cow/bull has finally looked up from the grass he was eating.
  
  Other possibilities,
  
  A person has strong planetary placements at the IC of their chart. (The IC is at the southern point of their natal chart.) Their own relationships take secondary priority to family obligations.
  
  A person is living under a Saturn influence (locational astrology). Here, life is not much fun which makes one less attractive in courtship.

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• ja89
  
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  Oct 09, 2011 8:30 PM GMT

  My answer:
  
  I am single because I don't feel the need to always be in a relationship with someone just to fill a void and I value my alone time.
  
  This might have been said already, but I feel like when someone ask you that, they are really trying to say "I'm single as well so we should date because I like you." At least that's what I think people really mean haha. I hate it at times as well, but you can always take it as a compliment, even if they're trying to be cynical and snarky.
  
  Personally i rather be single and have peace than be in a relationship that has dysfunction and constant fighting. I already have enough on my plate to deal with and adding someone who I'm not ready for will just make matters worse. live life and do what YOU feel like doing.

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  Oct 09, 2011 8:35 PM GMT

  I'll just
  
  
  Or
  

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  Oct 09, 2011 8:42 PM GMT

  I get this all the time, Thing is... I usually unconsciously choose to be single rather than in a relationship where I don't feel completely comfortable being with them.

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