Helping Others - A Serious Post

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 10, 2011 2:04 AM GMT
    helpingothers2.jpg

    About 3 months ago my roommate came home and introduced me to 2 new friends of his. A lady named Dana who is 28 years old and her 10 year old daughter Delilah.
    Dana, Delilah and Dana's brother had just moved into our neighborhood from the L.A. area. Her brother works as a cabdriver and she does not work, nor does she drive or have a driver's license.

    To make a long story short, since then, they have been over to the house several times a week for dinner, my roommate has been called several times to take Delilah to school when she missed the bus and also to pick her up in the evenings from school. He says he doesn't mind this because he feels sorry for the little girl.
    My roommate has a heart of gold and is willing to help anyone, and so also am I. He suggested that I offer Dana a job at my office. Though I had my doubts, I did and she turned me down.

    The last time they came for dinner, Delilah called my roommate "Daddy". I looked at him with a questioning look and then Dana said.."Don't mind Delilah, she never had a daddy." I replied, " Well, I'm just wondering what Melissa ( my roommate's fiancee) would say if she heard that." He agreed with me that it could not continue.

    Then Delilah says" I think he should break up with Melissa and marry my mama because he's the perfect man for her." I was speechless.

    Now their electricity is off and won't be turned back on for at least 3-5 days. My roommate suggested that since we have an extra bedroom that we invite them to stay with us until they get the utilities restored. I am sorry, but I feel that something is wrong with this picture somewhere. Yes, my heart goes out to them, but I told him I didn't feel comfortable enough having them stay with us but perhaps we could offer to give them the $$$ to have utilities again.

    I'm just wondering, where do YOU personally draw the line at helping others?



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    Oct 10, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 10, 2011 2:10 AM GMT
    Anduru said


    I've always loved this song.... icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 10, 2011 2:13 AM GMT

    Hey Malefeet, I'd say no to the moving in for awhile thing. The mom and her daughter are living with the mom's brother, yes? He's working, yes? She turned down your job offer, yes?

    There is a difference between helping and enabling.

    Delilah should be told kindly and warmly by your roommate that he'd be happy to be called Uncle instead. icon_wink.gif

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 10, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Hey Malefeet, I'd say no to the moving in for awhile thing. The mom and her daughter are living with the mom's brother, yes? He's working, yes? She turned down your job offer, yes?

    There is a difference between helping and enabling.

    Delilah should be told kindly and warmly by your roommate that he'd be happy to be called Uncle instead. icon_wink.gif



    THANKS....and it's great to hear from you again...icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 10, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    Sounds like a bad idea. It's nice your roommate wants to help these people, but having them move in is the beginning of trouble. What if they can't get back on their feet. How long are you going to let them live there? What if they don't want to leave? It will just be an awkward situation.
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    Oct 10, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    icon_wink.gif


    x o -us
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    Oct 10, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    I think you already know where the boundary is here. And that line is in a different place in each situation. I think we both know this boundary has already been crossed.
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    Oct 10, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    meninlove saidicon_wink.gif


    x o -us

    Definitely what they said. And what Scruffypup's post says. I'd craft my own personal one, but they took the words and did it simply.
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    Oct 10, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    It took most of my adult life to learn that helping people who are not willing to help themselves only ends up hurting them (and you) in the long run. I used to be addicted to that feeling you get when you help someone until I realized it was becoming more about my ego boost than the other person. After getting burned a few dozen times I finally got it. I made the personal choice to focus on helping animals and the environment instead. The only time I help a human these days is if I see a true eagerness to help themselves.
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    Oct 10, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    Your roommate is an enormous 'enabler'........ you have a problem! I agree with scruffy.. that line has already been crossed.
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    Oct 10, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Hey Malefeet, I'd say no to the moving in for awhile thing. The mom and her daughter are living with the mom's brother, yes? He's working, yes? She turned down your job offer, yes?

    There is a difference between helping and enabling.

    Delilah should be told kindly and warmly by your roommate that he'd be happy to be called Uncle instead. icon_wink.gif



    I agree, though I would not feel uncomfortable at what the child said, only flattered.. if it does make you feel better, do the above
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    Oct 10, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    I'd be very careful and investigate a little, no a lot more. Have you actually been to where they live etc. or are you/him just taking their word for it. I have a ne'er do well nephew in law years ago with a common law wife (with two kids of hers) and they were pro's at scamming people and agencies. They always had money for new "toys" smokes and booze and used the kids as sympathy pawns.