For those in actual worthy relationships - kissing after the UFC match-up

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    How did you choose "the one?"

    My best friend, I have posted about before who is my "equal" is single and kind of looking for something. He is totally not a ho bag. Very stable. Very supportive. Finishing a masters, well educated, and his family still wants something to do with him which is more than my family so I feel like his family can be mine, and I kind of miss that, since my Thanksgivings are usually a bottle of Jack and a big thing of wings alone in my apartment because I am too fragile to go out and get rejected at a gay bar. But he is my best friend. His mother really, really, really likes me. We talk on facebook .... totally homo. His mama keeps complimenting me in the "make my son not single way" ... which kind of indicates my friend has had some kind of conversation with her so she knows who I am and how our "friendship events" usually go.

    I just started "talking to" someone else and we have a really close bond already. Most gays seem like its a faucet but I really have a hard time connecting to anyone, when I do it is rare. We have a first date coming up.

    Feel like my options are quickly collapsing to say "Best friend, be my LTR" (which would totally work for both of us) or just see what happens with new guy and risk losing best friend to another grindr guy he falls in love with and ditches me for over another month like last time.

    What would you advise? I feel like I can lose a lot in this situation - and never win.
  • massbuildah

    Posts: 276

    Oct 10, 2011 11:35 AM GMT
    Seems like you already know your answer.....its the lost gay art of communication....

    "Best friend, be my LTR"


    Say it now, you have nothing to lose but opportunity or a great relationship. If he says no, agree to remain friends, and go on that date with the new guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 11:47 AM GMT
    Good friendships are supposed to survive the ups and downs. That includes the periods where your friend has a boyfriend and is involved with that. The mark of a good friend is being there to hug him when shit comes crashing down. Be the consistent, stable friend in his life.. not the jealous unstable one icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 12:26 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidHow did you choose "the one?"
    Feel like my options are quickly collapsing to say "Best friend, be my LTR" (which would totally work for both of us) or just see what happens with new guy
    What would you advise? I feel like I can lose a lot in this situation - and never win.

    You don't choose the one like you choose a new pair of shoes. If he is the one, you will know it with every cell of your body. True love won't come into existence without some igniting spark. It can't be willed into being by some well-reasoned evaluation that someone would make a logical partner.
    Of course subsequent events can prove your body was wrong, but it you don't start out with that initial surge of attraction you are unlikely to progress far beyond being friends with benefits.
    If you see him as a relationship prospect mainly because the other options are so limited, you would be doing neither of you a favor if you pursue it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 1:19 PM GMT
    huh.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    Do you love him like that? If yes then say it before its too late.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 10, 2011 2:30 PM GMT
    dude, if you are seeing someone and you really like them then you should stick with that person. however, if you do not see yourself with that person than you should cut him lose. there is no reason to string him along because you can not make up your mind. as for as your friend is concerned i think you should tell him how you feel but only after you have broken off things with the guy you are dating
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Just fuck him and get the sexual tension over with, then go on the date with that other guy...and fuck him too. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    spaghettimonster saidHow did you choose "the one?"
    Feel like my options are quickly collapsing to say "Best friend, be my LTR" (which would totally work for both of us) or just see what happens with new guy
    What would you advise? I feel like I can lose a lot in this situation - and never win.

    You don't choose the one like you choose a new pair of shoes. If he is the one, you will know it with every cell of your body. True love won't come into existence without some igniting spark. It can't be willed into being by some well-reasoned evaluation that someone would make a logical partner.
    Of course subsequent events can prove your body was wrong, but it you don't start out with that initial surge of attraction you are unlikely to progress far beyond being friends with benefits.
    If you see him as a relationship prospect mainly because the other options are so limited, you would be doing neither of you a favor if you pursue it.


    I don't know it with every cell of my body that he is the one. So that means he is not?

    I think we are perfect on paper - but I am typically always wrong about that and I discover it after one month icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 3:32 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidJust fuck him and get the sexual tension over with, then go on the date with that other guy...and fuck him too. icon_biggrin.gif


    Devil on my shoulder ... icon_biggrin.gif

    Is probably the best advice I am going to get though. There is a lot more sexual tension than is likely healthy between us.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    I'm sorry I really don't get it :/

    You're basically saying that your best friend would be your perfect match?
    Why don't you give it a try then?

    In my opinion it's way more likely to have a well working realtionship with a guy you know you can trust and you like. And how would you feel when you'd lose him to some random guy?

    Maybe I just don't get it, cause I don't know what LTR means icon_wink.gif

    Anyway, then you'd still have the problem with the other guy
  • swimmerdude52...

    Posts: 119

    Oct 10, 2011 4:28 PM GMT
    I hope that I never get into a relationship because it is convient

    If you do not have prior feelings for your friend that are more than platonic or you are simply looking to get into this because you want a relatioship- I am sorry to say that those have a habit of not working out too well.

    But, hell- sometimes things work out and maybe it would be a great relationship. I am just saying from what I have seen, that isnt the trend
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster said
    I just started "talking to" someone else and we have a really close bond already. Most gays seem like its a faucet but I really have a hard time connecting to anyone, when I do it is rare. We have a first date coming up.

    Feel like my options are quickly collapsing to say "Best friend, be my LTR" (which would totally work for both of us) or just see what happens with new guy and risk losing best friend to another grindr guy he falls in love with and ditches me for over another month like last time.

    What would you advise? I feel like I can lose a lot in this situation - and never win.



    If it is so evident that you are meant to be together - why aren't you? Why isn't he banging the door down to speak to you about it? Or you his door?

    If you really feel this way - why are you dating someone else?




  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster said
    I don't know it with every cell of my body that he is the one. So that means he is not?
    I think we are perfect on paper -

    If you aren't feeling it, but you see it as perfect on paper, then you are basically considering a historical re-enactment of the way they did it in the works of Jane Austen - "Mr. Knightley has a fine estate and it would be such a suitable connexion."
    Actually I did embark on just such a relationship once and the results were totally predictable. We both quickly sensed the lack of spark. He dealt with it by indulging in increasingly flagrant infidelities. Eventually he moved in with a new bf and only told me about it afterwards. So not only did I lose a good friend, I had to suffer the embarrassment of having everybody keep updating me on each new phase of who he was seeing behind my back.
    Don't do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    TexDef07 saidActually I did embark on just such a relationship once and the results were totally predictable.

    I could have told you that Mr. Elton was a gold-digger, but would you listen? Badly done, Emma!

    Well, JP, between us we should be able to project more than enough jaded cynicism to convince the OP that his hopes are doomed to be dashed. Hope-dashing is what distinguishes real life from fiction.
  • sonnet129

    Posts: 116

    Oct 11, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    motov8 saidhuh.gif


    I'm with this dude. What the hell does the UFC Matchup (whatever the hell that is) have to do with anything?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 11, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    spaghettimonster said
    I don't know it with every cell of my body that he is the one. So that means he is not?
    I think we are perfect on paper -

    If you aren't feeling it, but you see it as perfect on paper, then you are basically considering a historical re-enactment of the way they did it in the works of Jane Austen - "Mr. Knightley has a fine estate and it would be such a suitable connexion."
    Actually I did embark on just such a relationship once and the results were totally predictable. We both quickly sensed the lack of spark. He dealt with it by indulging in increasingly flagrant infidelities. Eventually he moved in with a new bf and only told me about it afterwards. So not only did I lose a good friend, I had to suffer the embarrassment of having everybody keep updating me on each new phase of who he was seeing behind my back.
    Don't do it.


    I am not sure how fine his estate is yet icon_lol.gif

    I know everyone looks for different things in a partner. I want kids in less than five years; I want a best friend to go home to every night, someone supportive, someone that makes a good impression on people I introduce him to. We are both at the same place in life, we want the same things and support each other already, but for some reason neither of us has ever broken down and just said the "c'mon, look at us, how about it?"

    The only thing holding me back is that the new guy is kind of different than all of my past mistakes, I might have actually learned from them and found someone suitable/compatible (and not in the Mr. Knightley way.) I kind of want to see where it goes - but I am doing so knowing full well I will lose the friend to the next grindr guy that compliments him.

    For the other posters:

    The UFC thing, I thought was clear, but at the close of a UFC fight they always look deeply into each others' eyes. And I yell out "Kiss! C'mon! Do it! You look perfect together!"

    Reason why I am not allowed back at multiple BW3 locations or the entire state of Utah icon_lol.gif
  • sonnet129

    Posts: 116

    Oct 11, 2011 3:12 AM GMT
    Okay, thanx 4 explaining that. I still don't know what the rest of it meant, but that's the only thing I was concerned with.