Is finding a guy to dating online a dumb move?

  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Oct 10, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
    I have been looking around and the only legit dating sites I found were Match.com, Okcupid.com and Plenty of Fish.com. I tried these sites over the years and I will admit they were not for me. They seem to recycle the same guys over and over again.

    It's sad to see that the only places that have in shape, attractive guys happen to be on sex sites/apps. It makes it seem like if you are remotely attractive - all you want is sex. Am I the only one that wants something a bit more in a man? Can someone suggest a better place?

    PS- I am not counting Real Jock since, in my experience, no one meets off online from this website.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Oct 10, 2011 7:13 PM GMT
    You have two options:

    A) Have sex with a shallow but smoking hot guy
    B) Enter a relationship with a wonderful but butt ugly goat of a man.

    There is no inbetween.
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    Oct 10, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    "There is no inbetween."
    None what-so-ever
    so give in and eat the Cheetos


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    Oct 10, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    a guy like you...would totally date you (based on looks solely)...but im an ocean apart!
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    Oct 10, 2011 11:06 PM GMT
    I found both my boyfriends on Adam4Adam... they were attractive and, for the most part, people who were relationship-oriented. Ignore people who say there's no bridging that gap... it exists. You're proof of it.

    Also... wanting sex doesn't mean you also don't want a relationship.
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    Oct 10, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    Only if you find dumb guys.
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Oct 10, 2011 11:43 PM GMT
    Thanks guys but boy this sounds depressing. Not one suggestion.

    As a side note, I have tried sites like A4A before. My experiences on those sites were the same- all they want is sex. Please note that I live in NJ- on the door step of NYC- the king city of hook ups. Perhaps guys on sex sites are different in smaller, less convenient oriented cities because they know the amount of guys in their areas are limited.
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    Oct 10, 2011 11:47 PM GMT
    FistersChoice said
    Larkin_PLR saidI found both my boyfriends on Adam4Adam... they were attractive and, for the most part, people who were relationship-oriented. Ignore people who say there's no bridging that gap... it exists. You're proof of it.

    Also... wanting sex doesn't mean you also don't want a relationship.


    Are you still dating both of them.


    No. But we broke up for reasons well apart from having met them on A4A.
  • umphreak

    Posts: 43

    Oct 10, 2011 11:55 PM GMT
    sbwlguy saidYou have two options:

    A) Have sex with a shallow but smoking hot guy
    B) Enter a relationship with a wonderful but butt ugly goat of a man.

    There is no inbetween.


    Hrm... Not sure if this between, but I met my partner, a then-med student (myself a lawyer) on gay.com and neither of us resemble goats.

    So it's possible, just unlikely.

    Tried manhunt? Kidding, kidding...
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Oct 11, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    I think the Internet can be a great tool for finding a guy to date if you use it effectively to communicate who you are and what you're looking for. And the way you find out you're not "the only one who wants" whatever kind of guy it is you want is by putting it out there.

    I don't know how your other online profiles have compared to your RJ one, but all I know about you from looking at it is that a) you're hot, b) which gym you go to, c) you prefer cam2cam chat and d) you're not into fake profiles or pics.

    Of those four bits of information, a) is pretty much the only one that would make your profile stand out. (Who is into fake profiles and pics?)

    And if all I have to go on is your hotness, I'm more likely to think of you primarily in those terms from the get-go. If I knew more about your interests and personality, then I'd probably think of you in more well-rounded terms right off the bat: "He's into __________; he's good at ______; and he's hot!"
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 11, 2011 12:18 AM GMT
    Given someone' s statistic that you only have a 0.8% of meeting a gay man (8 out of 1000) then the idea of using the internet to narrow your search to just gay men is almost necessary in theory.

    That being said, I've had far better luck with Manhunt, Adam4Adam, and Grindr meeting dateable guys than any other "dating only" site.
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    Oct 11, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    dancedancekj saidGiven someone' s statistic that you only have a 0.8% of meeting a gay man (8 out of 1000) then the idea of using the internet to narrow your search to just gay men is almost necessary in theory.

    That being said, I've had far better luck with Manhunt, Adam4Adam, and Grindr meeting dateable guys than any other "dating only" site.


    It depends on where you live. In San Francisco its much easier stepping outside and being active in your community than perusing A4A.
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    Oct 11, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    It depends.
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    Oct 11, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    Don't you realize that although RJ is a community for gay fitness nuts, that it also has the potential for you to meet a guy to date? RJ shouldn't be a dating site - it's a fitness site FIRST. Lord help us all if this becomes a hookup/dating site. Ugh. But seriously, this is a great place to meet new people. If something comes of that, then great.
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    Oct 11, 2011 1:14 AM GMT
    bostonxfit saidDon't you realize that although RJ is a community for gay fitness nuts, that it also has the potential for you to meet a guy to date? RJ shouldn't be a dating site - it's a fitness site FIRST. Lord help us all if this becomes a hookup/dating site. Ugh. But seriously, this is a great place to meet new people. If something comes of that, then great.


    I see no problem with people meeting on here... I just think people tend to talk/bounce ideas back and forth and form friendships with people before meeting them and then consider those met, actually, genuine friends. This isn't a dating hookup site nor do I see a lot of potential for it to be, but I think it has potential for people to meet like minded individuals to date and see....
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 11, 2011 1:25 AM GMT
    I've met some really great guys online, however they were not from dating sites. They were all from social networking sites. There are many ways to " put yourself out there". icon_wink.gif
  • no1timehookup...

    Posts: 208

    Oct 11, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    Adam4Adam and those type of sites you're only gonna find one time hookups.. Relationships do happen meeting from those sites, but it's rare..

    Bars.. Most likely you're gonna find some bar hopping queen, and the relationship will be short lived due to the fact he would probably be out flirting with other guys, or maybe even sleeping around..


    Best place to find someone is to meet them out while doing some activities, join some groups such as a tennis or volleyball team, or get togethers, maybe some gay group that involves these type of things..
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Oct 11, 2011 1:52 AM GMT
    @slimnmuscly: Thanks for the advice. I used to have more information about myself but found that 95% guys never read it and would ask me questions which, if they read my profile, would not have to ask. Thus, I removed it. Sadly, I think most guys just look at pictures and go from there.

    @MacLukcas: I do go to the gym and occasionally, Yoga. The Yoga classes do not normally have men in them & my gym is basically THE JERSEY SHORE. Guess how many gay guys are there? Yup, very few- as in you can count them on one hand.

    @Bostonxfit: This is a cool site and as you mentioned this site is primarily for chatting about fitness. The guys in my area do not want to meet in person. Online chatting only goes so far for me. I prefer to meet in person or even talk on cam.

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    Oct 11, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    malefeet saidI've met some really great guys online, however they were not from dating sites. They were all from social networking sites. There are many ways to " put yourself out there". icon_wink.gif


    I met a nice guy in Vancouver via an online dating site. But it seems to be the exception rather than the rule. Dating is the strangest pursuit. It's more like auditioning for Simon Cowell than meeting someone through work.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Oct 11, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    italguynj said@slimnmuscly: Thanks for the advice. I used to have more information about myself but found that 95% guys never read it and would ask me questions which, if they read my profile, would not have to ask. Thus, I removed it. Sadly, I think most guys just look at pictures and go from there.


    I think so too, and I totally get that about guys asking questions that are answered in the profile -- happens to me too -- but you're not looking to date from the 95 percent anyway, right? And it only takes one guy you're compatible with from the 5 percent to make it worthwhile. Just a thought...
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    Oct 11, 2011 2:29 AM GMT
    Guys like you, don't want date a guy like me


    Period.


    icon_neutral.gif
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    Oct 11, 2011 2:35 AM GMT
    sbwlguy saidYou have two options:

    A) Have sex with a shallow but smoking hot guy
    B) Enter a relationship with a wonderful but butt ugly goat of a man.

    There is no inbetween.


    "A" is a great idea.
    "B" is a bad idea.

    Fortunately there are all the shades in between. Just don't hold your breath.
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    Oct 11, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidI found both my boyfriends on Adam4Adam... they were attractive and, for the most part, people who were relationship-oriented.[...].


    How did all three of you get along?
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    Oct 11, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidGuys like you, don't want date a guy like me


    Period.


    icon_neutral.gif


    Why's that then, FiveAlive? Canadians have sex appeal coming out of their ears ;).
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 11, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    well when you find one let me know