Weird hookup... what do you think?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 21, 2008 10:46 PM GMT
    So it was the third night of trying to mack on this guy I've been working on, but yet again events conspired to keep us apart. So at 12:30 am I went home still majorly horny, logged on looking for a hookup, and went over to a guy's house in the neighborhood.

    He wasn't an underwear model by any means, and neither am I (though I am really close to my fitness goals -- gotta update those profile pics icon_wink.gif ). But I'm no body nazi -- over the many phases of my fitness (or lack of it), I've been with guys of varying "hotness" by our community's constricting standards.

    Anyway, his pics were fine, but when I got to his place, all the lights were off to the point where I could only make out shapes. I asked him if there were any lights, and he said, "Nope, no lights!" (It's worth mentioning that when I spoke to him on the phone before coming over, he had this kind of coy, affected way of speaking, which I chalked up to shyness.)

    At the point where he refused to even turn up the dimmer, I should have left, but I was still suffering from the blue balls that I developed earlier that night, and I figured what the hell.

    Long story short, we made out a lot, he sucked my dick and just about everything else on my body and didn't seem to ask for much reciprocation. No fucking. Even when I tried to talk to him about what he wanted to do, he wouldn't really say anything. As it was late and I was tired (he had essentially promised a blow-n-go) I just let him do his thing.

    The first time I came and tried to leave, he wouldn't let go of me. He really seemed to want somebody there in bed with him, which there's nothing wrong with, and I didn't want to seem like a dick and throw off his embraces and run out of there -- though that's exactly what I wanted to do.

    By the second time I came (after which I was *really* tired and wanted to go home), he just kind of fell asleep, or pretended to, and I put on my clothes, said "thank you," and left. No acknolwedgement or movement from him whatsoever. That's the part that I think freaked me out the most.

    Writing this down I know how stupid it sounds, and I really regret doing it, only because it was just such an odd interaction. Were the lights out because he didn't want me to see his gut? Did he say so little and pretend to fall asleep afterwards because he's closeted, or has guilt issues? Did he want a warm body in his bed because he's not a muscle god who can get guys at the bars? Or -- and this is me being paranoid here -- did he have lesions or breakouts that he didn't want me to see?

    Before you berate me for being stupid and going to a stranger's house in the middle of the night for anonymous nookie in the dark with someone who I couldn't see, let me just tell you that for a long time, I *was* one of those overweight guys who couldn't get laid. But now that I'm pretty much where I want to be physically, I'm restarting my sex life again and it feels like I'm learning all these lessons for the first time.

    For example, I guess I've got to learn that it's OK to say no if I'm uncomfortable and override the second brain in my pants. Or to have patience and not run to the computer when I'm drunk and horny (though I can't guarantee that won't happen again).

    So yeah, I think I've definitely learned some lessons here.

    But I'm still freaked out and less, um, arousable than I usually am. I just feel weird and scared about the whole thing, and I'm really wondering what you guys think about how things went down, whether I'm right to be freaking out or if I just happened to hook up with a severely insecure guy. I suppose I'm ready for your judgments, so judge away...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 21, 2008 11:16 PM GMT
    Having sex with a complete stranger in the dark, the possibilies for problems boogle the mind. I can't say the things I would like to you on here, because the holier-than-thou RJ vigilantes would have a hissy fit.

    But I guess in a week or two you will have your answer(s). Keep an eye out for oozings, lesions, and itching.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1755

    May 21, 2008 11:51 PM GMT
    Creepy... I mean the light thing most of all. I would've bolted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2008 12:30 AM GMT
    Interesting. You got your blue balls taken care of in a different way.

    I agree that safety is always an issue, but life is meant to be lived. Be careful.

    Chalk this one up to experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2008 1:17 AM GMT
    I would want to know what he was hiding...I would have already driven by his house just to get a glimpse. Next time you hook up...make sure you at least can see the guy. You dont know what he didnt want you seeing. The guy sounds SHADY!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2008 1:39 AM GMT
    Hookups are good and all. And doing something kinky like turning out all the lights and not seeing this anonymous blower is pretty hot. If anyone criticizes you for hooking up it is because they feel guilty over the legions of strange men they have fellated.

    But he could have kept the light out because his face was covered with herpes sores.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16308

    May 22, 2008 3:01 AM GMT
    Well I suggest you realize that you aren't one of those overweight guys that perhaps you still see yourself as.. that can't get it.

    You need to learn to raise your expectations. I mean if you want to go to some dudes house in the dark and you get off on it, thats one thing.... if its just an accepted hook up, thats another.

    All I will say is if I were single (which I am not) and if I wanted to pursue a hook up (with someone I knew.. thats the only way), it would be on my terms, at my house and under conditions I employ... and it would be fantastic for the guy, I'd see to it. I suggest you do your homework and realize that you aren't on the "bottom" of the hot scale.. you've moved up and deserve a hell of a lot better.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    May 22, 2008 9:10 AM GMT
    Chalk it up as one of lifes experiences, what you enjoyed about it, and what can you learn from it, rather than beat yourself up about it. These kind of situations, and experiences never end, and are what makes life interesting and rewarding.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2008 9:49 AM GMT
    Maybe he wasn't that into your looks which is why he had the lights turned down. Perhaps he just wanted some male attention.

    Anyway, you can go mad trying to second guess a man's motivation.

    I've done far worse over the years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2008 3:39 PM GMT
    Honestly it could be any number of things and only speculation occurs since you dont know and will probably never know. Things from him being closeted to being hideous and everything in between.

    You just have to remember one thing god gave us two brains and only enough blood to operate one at a time so plan ahead.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 22, 2008 8:14 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for your responses. A lot of good sense there (as well as some snark icon_smile.gif ). I'm slightly less freaked now, but I'm going to go get tested for STDs anyway. Might as well, since I'm sexually active again.

    HndsmKansan -- thanks for your compliments and especially for pointing out the leftover insecurities I have from having been overweight. You were right, and this whole episode was a major wake-up call in many ways. Of all the ways I am capable of being stupid, man-related stupidity always seems to be at the top of the list. Sheesh...