Problems with not being out and confused.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2011 7:00 AM GMT
    So I find myself in a trying situation. I am interested in guys but due to the fear of rejection from a very anti-gay family and being looked down at I have to keep it a secret. I have some friends who know but thats it. I broke up with my girlfriend awhile back so I could figure myself out but realize its kinda hard when people think you're straight. When I go out I have trouble meeting anyone since I'm shy, lack self confidence, and are socially awkward. I'm really at a lost for what to do and how to think. In my mind I keep telling myself that its wrong and I often find myself asking God why I have these feelings that don't go away.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Oct 11, 2011 9:51 AM GMT

    The thoughts and feelings you express indicate that you might benefit from seeing a psychologist/therapist (a gay one), who could help you work through these issues so you felt better about yourself. If you are ever to be happy with yourself, you will have to find some way to reconcile your religious beliefs with your gay nature. As to your gay desires, consider that if you believe God to be perfect, as most christians do, and a perfect god would not create beings that offended, and could not make a mistake by creating beings that offended, and God created you, and you have gay desires, then God must have intended you to have the gay desires that you have, so that you are not offending God by having them. Otherwise, God would not be perfect.
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    Oct 11, 2011 12:58 PM GMT
    I think you know what you want inside, it's just because of your family and background that's it's hard for you to get there.

    Finding some counseling would certainly help. The counsellor doesn't need to be gay, but ideally familiar with gay challenges.

    It's great that you've told your friends. If you haven't already, seek out some gay friends or a gay social group so you can make some connections. All of us have a lot in common when it comes to being gay. It will help.

    Even just posting here can be therapeutic. We're all gay and can identify with some or all of your feelings. You're surrounded by gay brothers here, though in a virtual way.

    Stay well, be safe, and find what makes you happy. There is nothing wrong with you.
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    Oct 11, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    I'd like to second mdstudio's words that there is nothing wrong with you and the way you are feeling. It is who you are, and it is who you are naturally.

    The first step towards self confidence is acceptance of yourself. It won't happen overnight, but as you begin to trust yourself it will happen. It's a journey we all go through and I know it's not an easy one, especially in a society that very often is not openminded.

    Some day, hopefully soon, it will be no big deal to be gay and no one will have to worry about being who they are. It's certainly a lot easier now than it was even fifteen years ago, when I was dealing with this myself. There is power in numbers, and the more of us who live our lives openly and proudly, the better. You've told some friends, and I think that's a powerful thing you've done. Eventually you'll find the strength inside to tell the other folks you love. After all, it's hard to be in full union with your family if you're keeping a big secret from them.

    Do remember always you are fine, there's nothing wrong with the way you are, and you are not alone. We're all here with you and we've got your back.
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    Oct 11, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    Oh, this one is easy.

    God made you perfect the way your are.

    Just come out of the closet.

    You owe it to your life and to God to live truthfully.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 11, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    It all depends on what consequences you would face from your "anti-gay family". Been there done that. icon_confused.gif

    1. It might cause you to lose financial support from parents.
    2. It might cause you to lose your job.
    3. It might cause you to be homeless.
    4. You don't have the mental and emotional strength to handle the people in your family and friends who will reject you.
    5. It might cause your family to become physically violent against you.

    For each person the situation and consequences are different. There is no "one answer fits all".
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    Oct 11, 2011 3:17 PM GMT
    motov8 saidOh, this one is easy.

    God made you perfect the way your are.

    Just come out of the closet.

    You owe it to your life and to God to live truthfully.


    First of all, I am sending you a huge hug. What you are going through sucks. I have been there. I grew up extremely religious, church 3x a week, private Christian school, want to be a miissionary religious.
    That said, I found it hard for me to live a life that was dishonest to myself. To explain, I felt like I was hiding. That hiding tore me apart and made me extremely depressed and unpeaceful. I figured that god did not want me like that. He wanted me to be whole and to be at peace with myself. So, I took a risk...
    I told my friends, they didn't hate me. In fact, they already knew. Then...
    I told my family....Oh dear god, they were worried that I was going to hell, that I would contract aids, that I would be alone. So, I've had a lot of really hard discussions with them. But I feel that I can be me around them....
    Note that they have a singular perspective and that there are other views. What is right for you in this? Do you have a place to go if you need to move out? Can you support yourself? Will they really care if their son is gay?
    Love yourself...xoxo
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2011 1:52 AM GMT
    im currently a college student and i try not to but i still rely on my parents for financial support and during the summer and christmas break i live at home. I'm 99.9% sure that if I told them i was curious i would be on my own and going to a private school in the major that im in i dont have time to get a full time also that'll pay enough to support myself