Are things supposed to just get routine?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    I have always been good at being a single guy. I like to flirt and go out and just have fun. I am spontaneous and a bit crazy at times... But i have been in a relationship for a few months now and things are a bit well, for a lack of a better word, boring. Our life is so routine .. we never do anything really crazy ... And when i want to I am left feeling guilty for leaving my man out. I love him but this is weighing down on me I am starting to feel anxiety as though something is missing in my life...but i am just worried i am just used to being single.

    On top of our big problem wth how predictable life is our night life aint soo hot ether. I have always been the one to feel like a sex toy in a relationship and have to put on the breaks. but i am finding myself waking up at night soo horny i gotta jack off just to get to sleep. and my partner wants little to no part in it .. we do it about 3-4 times a month. icon_sad.gif for me that's a lil scarce!

    I have never been soo in love, in such a healthy way, emotionally ... but physically i am bored. I need some advice. I don't want to break up .... and talking to him doesn't seem to work ether .. I find my self fantasizing about other men and i am scared sum1 will come onto me and i won't be able to fight the urges. icon_sad.gif

    well looking forward to hearing from some other people in relationships.
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:44 AM GMT
    Has it been this way from the start?

    If you guys are emotionally secure, perhaps he would be okay with you pursuing other physical needs outside your relationship? This is something you may have to consider to remain truly happy for the long term.

    My bf and I have been together for five years now, but we do play with others together and occasionally on our own in the right setting. It's all a matter of what you're comfortable with.
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    Oct 12, 2011 8:17 AM GMT
    Mr. Muchmorethanmuscle is going to tell you need therapy icon_rolleyes.gif
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Oct 12, 2011 2:29 PM GMT
    my two cents:
    You need to be able to have a completely honest conversation with your mate about this, if you cannot have that conversation then there are more fundamental problems in the relationship that need to be addressed--you need to develop open lines of communication and trust. You won't get what you want if you can't say what you want.
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    Oct 12, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    If you're thinking about getting it on with other dudes, like actually thinking about acting on it - end it, because doing that to someone is shitty.
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    Oct 13, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    7Famark saidIf you're thinking about getting it on with other dudes, like actually thinking about acting on it - end it, because doing that to someone is shitty.



    nope i am not thinking about it.... just scared it may happen down the road if i get that insecure .. i mean it plays on ur emotions when ur used to more sex single then in a relationship .... thanks guys though.
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    Oct 13, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    mochamuscle saidMr. Muchmorethanmuscle is going to tell you need therapy icon_rolleyes.gif


    icon_sad.gif I hope you recover from the pain he put you through, mocha.
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    Oct 13, 2011 8:52 AM GMT
    A few months is not that long for a relationship. I wouldn't even consider it one until you atleast hit one year...and that's a year of really being together, or seeing each other quite often, and not just for dates. (I am in a 3 year relationship right now)

    I'm sorry to say, but sex is a BIG part of a healthy relationship. 3-4 times a month...is torture!

    You have to solve these problems now before it festers. Life in general does become a routine, and you get comfortable...but in your case, you already feel like he can't keep up with you. If you start to feel that he's not your equal, you will have problems, and you will feel resentful.

    When you're totally in love you will know. What you may have felt in the beginning was probably just lust..and can easily be confused with love. If you want to try to make it work, you have to communicate. If he doesn't want to compromise, do yourself a favor and end it now for the right reasons, before you end it something like cheating.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Oct 13, 2011 9:00 AM GMT
    semperguy saidA few months is not that long for a relationship. I wouldn't even consider it one until you atleast hit one year...and that's a year of really being together, or seeing each other quite often, and not just for dates. (I am in a 3 year relationship right now)


    what tripe.
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    Oct 13, 2011 10:28 AM GMT
    SkottyBoy saidOn top of our big problem wth how predictable life is our night life aint soo hot ether. I have always been the one to feel like a sex toy in a relationship and have to put on the breaks. but i am finding myself waking up at night soo horny i gotta jack off just to get to sleep. and my partner wants little to no part in it .. we do it about 3-4 times a month. for me that's a lil scarce!


    Although I wish this wasn't the case, sex is a very important part of relationships. Sounds like your bf might have an unusually low libido or there's an underlying issue/problems between you two.

    SkottyBoy saidI have never been soo in love, in such a healthy way, emotionally ... but physically i am bored. I need some advice. I don't want to break up .... and talking to him doesn't seem to work ether .. I find my self fantasizing about other men and i am scared sum1 will come onto me and i won't be able to fight the urges.


    I also wish this wasn't true but, its in a guy's nature to want what's new and different. I myself am relationship oriented so find it much easier to resist these urges- but I do get them. In the end, if you have a strong character and really love the guy, then you wouldn't even think about cheating on him.
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    Oct 13, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    fable said
    semperguy saidA few months is not that long for a relationship. I wouldn't even consider it one until you atleast hit one year...and that's a year of really being together, or seeing each other quite often, and not just for dates. (I am in a 3 year relationship right now)


    what tripe.


    Please explain your comment on an statement that was phrased as an OPINION and not as a fact...
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    Oct 13, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    Start by sitting down with your bf and telling him what you just told us. Communicate! If you don't talk openly, how will he ever know? It's OK to feel the way you feel but it's not OK to hold it all inside.

    There may be options that the two of you can explore, such as porn or websites, that might help you with the physical excitement but still allow you to remain committed and monogamous. Share your wants, desires, fantasies and needs and then be sure to discuss boundaries. If the relationship is as meaningful on his side as it is on yours, he'll gladly listen and discuss. If he shuts down or shuts you off, then your relationship has some more serious challenges to face. Good luck if you're still on here!