Getting Gay when Surrounded by Straights?!

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    Oct 12, 2011 1:54 PM GMT
    Hey guys. New to RJ, and wanted to get a conversation going of something I often wonder...

    How do you find your experience of being gay, when you're constantly in a straight environment? Having only straight friends, only going to straight bars, living in a predominantly straight area, etc..

    Whether it be dating, relationships, hookups, or even simply making friends with other gay guys you share common ground with?

    I don't currently experience any of the above, which can be frustrating at times, but I'm aware that I don't actively seek any of it out, either. My situation is pretty much exactly as I described earlier; my friends, the places we socialise, the area I live in - all straight. I've now fully exhausted the very few gay friends of friends I've met and didn't have any chemistry with, and unfortunately for me, I would describe my feelings toward the local gay scene as... Horrible!

    Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and really enjoy the places we socialise, but it makes meeting other gay guys a real pain.

    I'm 25 years old, yet still sometimes feel like I'm back in the closet... I do the whole Scruff/Grindr thing (although mainly Scruff - I find Grindr quite off-putting), and really get into chatting or flirting with guys who appeal to me, but guess what? They're usually American and between 3 & 5,000 miles away! So it amounts to general conversation, the odd pic exchange, or, "You should come visit."... Let me rephrase that - it amounts to NOTHING!

    Maybe it's time to relocate...
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    It's the same where I am, there is no local gay scene here (that I know of).

    Actually, two good female friends of mine are a couple and are perfectly happy being in a straight environment, they have each other which is enough for them I guess. I reckon if they did split up, they would both be more likely to find a boyfriend over a girlfriend.

    Myself on the other hand, not so much. I enjoy socialising with all my straight friends but it gets a bit lonely- plus it doesn't help that they are all gradually coupling up.

    Any male gay friends of friends all seem to have moved to London and are studying there or working on their careers.

    Guess it's time to do the same!
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    I hang out with straight guys all the time. I also hang out in gay environments.

    One thing to remember, gay men are scared to act in a straight environment for fear of hitting on a straight guy.

    Go gay, it helps.
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    wotcher geordie
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    Oct 12, 2011 6:58 PM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidA distant cousin of mine grew up in Ffuffing-on-Ffuffing, in the Ffuffingshire district. The quaint little village lies less than a mile from Ffuffing Manor, a house which, though extensively modeled and re-modeled over centuries, sits on the same estate won by his Norman ancestor, Sir Henri Pfouffe, a chevalier in the emploi of William the Conqueror.

    Ffuffing-on-Ffuffing is picturesque but very small, and the social life is divided between the gentry and their hunting and shooting parties, and the other classes, whose traditional forms of relaxation include copping a cheap feel from under the skirt of the barmaid at the pub, drinking until one passes out, and then falling asleep in a pool of one's own vomit.

    Cousin Leicester Woolsey Ffuffing was so hard up for gay company that he resorted to shagging the stable boy. It wasn't much, but it was all he had.

    Get out while you still can.

    Hah. Thanks for the warning, and the awesome story!

    Yeah, can't really see myself staying here much longer... Apart from the lack of decent gay guys, there's a general lack of anything worth staying for.

    mil0 - same situation, most of the guys I've known have jumped ship to London, "the place to be". Not a big fan of it myself, but there definitely comes a point where you have to get your priorities straight instead of just going through the motions.

    That's the thing with straight bars - you have no idea who's gay and who isn't! I guess that's why gay bars came along. Too bad my local gay bars are god awful.
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    Oct 14, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    As a gay American living in London, I went to the London LGBT Center, and got housing, found a job, and met lots of great people. They have numerous resources 'boards" and were very helpful. Good luck!
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    Oct 14, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    I grew up in a town with no "scene" (southern Idaho, as close to Mormonville as you can get without being in the heart of it,) and tried to keep it "straight" when i went out. Then i got fed up with it and just started being me. Im not fem or anything, but I stopped suppressing those moments and actions that would spell it out for those around me. What I found out is that I wasnt the only one. I had a great group of friends with me and that tended to stop any bull that might have come my way, well my size may have had something to do with it too. The point is, be yourself, no matter what the situation. Maybe there are others around you just dying to do the same themselves and need an example. JMO
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    Oct 14, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    If you don't live for being gay it's probably best to be closeted, since you will encounter hostility, as well as acceptance, with no particular benefit to being open.

    Some in your straight environment will be gay, just statistically, but won't thank you for broadcasting it by announcing that you are too.

    The UK is far less shallow than the US, so if you encounter difficulty there, the pastures will not prove greener here. Try Manchester, Birmingham, London and other metropolitan centres, where you can be gay anonymously until you feel secure enough in yourself to introduce those at home to your partner.