I'm bored, tell me a joke!!

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    Oct 12, 2011 7:19 PM GMT
    At work and bored as heck while waiting for a SQL query to execute. Tell me a funny!!!
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    Oct 12, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    What did the ghost say to the bees?

    Boo-bees!
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Oct 12, 2011 8:09 PM GMT
    What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A carrot!
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    Oct 12, 2011 8:13 PM GMT
    Have you heard the germ joke?

    ...I only ask cause I don't want to spread it.
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    Oct 12, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    He asked for a joke, and you all are boring him to tears. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 12, 2011 8:25 PM GMT
    An oldie but goodie...

    A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The Personnel Manager explains her duties and tells her to report to work promptly at 8.00am.

    The next day at 8.45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the Personnel Manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

    Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

    The Personnel Manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman and says "I am sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday, I said, your job is to give Elmo "two test tickles".
  • Arab_in_NL

    Posts: 100

    Oct 12, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    joke
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    Oct 12, 2011 8:35 PM GMT
    after reading first comments,hand me a knife or a gun please .
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    Oct 12, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    Whats green and smells like ham?

    Kermit's finger....

    HAHAHAHAHA
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    Oct 12, 2011 8:50 PM GMT
    I got a joke for ya:

    Women's rights!

    Zing!
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    Oct 12, 2011 8:53 PM GMT
    SQL! Reminds me of my favorite XKCD comic icon_smile.gif

    exploits_of_a_mom.png
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    Oct 12, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    A young man was spending time with his mother at the mall when they decided to stop and get manicures. While sitting at the table getting their nails done, the son said, "Mom, there's something I need to tell you."

    "You're gay," she casually replied.

    "How did you know?" he asked. "Am I too effeminate?"

    "No, son. You have poop under your fingernails."
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    Oct 12, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    The Greek economy.
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    Oct 12, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    After visiting a "Farms New Tech Convention" in the city, a farmer heads back to his remote farm with a brand new Cow Milking Machine.
    The machine is great, easy and efficient. Plus the cows seem to enjoy it, thats when a strange idea pops in the farmers mind: "why not try it for himself?" so the farmers puts his dick in the tube, and turns the machine On.
    Later the farmer feels ecstatic, and reaches orgasm later and cums heavily... but the machine kept on suction, so he switchs the On/Off button to turn it off, yet the machine is still working.... Now all he feels is excruciating pain and agony. he notices a number on the machine, he dials it with pain...

    Woman: "Hello Farms New Tech, how can i help you?"
    Farmer:"The...Cow Milking ...machine wont stop.. Ouchhh!!!"
    Woman: " Don't worry sugar, its brand new and fully automated, it won't
    stop untill the bucket is full"
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Oct 12, 2011 10:00 PM GMT
    A guy goes into the pharmacist to enquire about viagra...

    Guy: Do you sell viagra?
    Pharmacist: Yes I do
    Guy: Does it work?
    Pharmacist: Yes it does
    Guy: Can you get it over the counter?
    Pharmacist: I can when I take two....
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    Oct 12, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
    UKgunz saidThe Greek economy.


    Lol
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Oct 12, 2011 10:26 PM GMT
    Woman from (insert community that is the butt of jokes here) is in the produce section of her supermarket when she happens to come across a display of potatoes.

    "OHHHHHH!! OHHHHHH! HOW BEAUTIFUL! OHHHH!"

    The produce manager comes over to her and asks if he can help her.

    The woman says, "These potatoes! They are so beautiful!! They remind me of my husband's testicles."

    The produce manager says, "Why? Because of their size?"

    The woman says, "No! Because they are so dirty!"

  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Oct 12, 2011 10:38 PM GMT
    An infinite crowd of mathematicians walks into a bar.

    The first mathematician approaches the bartender and orders a pint.

    The second one walks up, points to the first, and says "I'll have half of what he's having."

    The third walks up, points to the second, and says "I'll have half of what he's having."

    The fourth walks up, points to the third, and says "I'll have half of what he's having."

    The fifth one walks up, and points to the fourth, but before he can speak the bartender cuts him off: "You're all idiots." and pulls two pints.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Oct 12, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    Little Rascals joke here:

    The teacher goes to the board and writes the word D-I-C-T-A-T-E.

    "Class, who can use the word "dictate" in a sentence?

    The class looks confused so the teacher calls on Spanky. "Spanky! Use the word "dictate" in a sentence."

    Spanky looks around for some help, but the others have no clue as to the meaning of the word.

    "Never mind Spanky," says the teacher. "Alfalfa! Please use the word 'dictate' in a sentence."

    Alfalfa looks around unsure then it comes to him....

    "Spanky and I went around to the back of the barn last night and I know how his dictate..."

    (I know....don't quit the day job, right??)
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    Oct 12, 2011 11:03 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidWhy did the sperm cross the road?

    I put on the wrong sock.


    hahaha... that one made me bust out laughing.


    What did the teddy bear tell the dessert menu? - "No, Thank You... I'm stuffed" icon_razz.gif
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Oct 13, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    A blond girl walks into a bar and proudly proclaims "Beertender, I have heartburn! And so I'll have a martooni. I want it shivering, and extra wet. With a pickle."

    He says "You want WHAT?"

    She repeats herself. "BEERTENDER. I WANT A MARTOONI. SHIVERING. EXTRA WET. PICKLES. I HAVE HEARTBURN."

    He kindly makes her the best drink he can, and she thanks him for the "best martooni I've ever had."

    He takes the drink away.

    "First of all, I'm a bartender, not a beertender. That drink I made you is a martini, not a martoonit. It's shaken, not shivering. And it's extra dry, not extra wet. Those green things in there? They're olives, not a pickle. And you don't have heartburn. Your tit's in the ashtray."
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    Oct 13, 2011 8:04 AM GMT
    You guys this is the worst jokes thread ever! lol