Communication Barrier (Deaf Issue)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2008 5:21 PM GMT
    I don't know where to start... I am not kind of a person that would open up about myself on the Internet. I just find it a little strange for me, but I guess it is sometime good to venting my feelings.... Me being a deaf makes my dating life little much harder with the communication barrier. I have dated several hearing guys (hearing is a term for people that could hear and talk) guys and I have dated couple deaf guys. Sometime, the communication barrier between me and my date could be very pretty difficult (keep in mind that I am deaf 100% and I could not talk that well and I'm not awesome at reading lips). My friends kept telling me that I should not go for hearing guys and go for a deaf guy that makes things easier because we (I and deaf guy) share same experience and grew up in same world. Not that I don't mind to date a deaf guy.... At same time, I just don't want to limit myself to deaf guys because that will makes dating pool much slimmer. It is just so hard because if I like a hearing guy and goes out on several dates w/ him then he would have to learn sign language in order to have the communication much effective and I feel like I am a burden.... But, at same time, soon as guys find out that I'm deaf and they run away... It is just sucks.

    Right now, it is just so really frustrating for me that I am having a hard time meeting guys. I mean, it is not my fault that I was born deaf. It's not like that I asked to be a deaf person. It just happened that way and I just wish that guys wouldn't let my deafness getting in the way. But, again, I know learning sign language is just so much harder. It is a visual language, not a verbal language. I just wish that sign language would be so easy to learn, but it is not. Sometimes, I wish that I am straight because most girls find it so fantastic and learn sign language easier compare to guys that do not really find it so fantastic and it take a while for them to learn sign language. Too bad that I don't like boobs and vagina, hahah. I am trying to figure it out how to make the communication much easier between me and a hearing guy. But, it seems like there's like every obstacle in the way of overcoming the communication barrier. I mean, any advices or any idea of how to approach a guy without scaring him away with my deafness at some place.

    Sorry if I'm babbling too much! I mean, who would date a deaf guy tho.?
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    May 22, 2008 6:10 PM GMT
    It sucks that we are not in the same city because I find dating deaf guys to be extremely sexy for some reason icon_redface.gif. And it makes a nice challenge too which can be overcome.
  • Hagan_F

    Posts: 210

    May 22, 2008 7:09 PM GMT
    Gemini, I appreciate your frustration as well as your desire to "not limit" yourself when it comes to dating. I would (and have) dated hearing impaired men and know a decent amount of sign language. I think that if someone finds you worth knowing they will take the time to learn to communicate with you and it's no burden to them. I would find it no different than dating someone from another country who knew no English. Together we would take the time to learn how to communicate to each other. I wish you luck. You seem very sweet and it will happen for you when it is meant to. Be patient.
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    May 22, 2008 7:10 PM GMT
    I dated a deaf guy for a while. At first, communication was just via notes. When our interest in each other continued (and I got tired of picking notes out of the bedding), I learned basic Signing and fingerspelling.

    I didnt learn ASL. That is too much like a foreign language. But I learned Sign English which was a nice half-way point.

    I remember that I used to sit on my lunch hour with the book "The Joy of Signing" and practice. I used napkins to cover each side of the page so I could quiz myself. People at work would make little jokes about my practicing. But they were really cool about it.

    I found that I hate fingerspelling. I have a very hard time keeping the letters in order in my head. Signing is fine.

    I would say. You have to accept that you are deaf. These are the problems of a deaf person in a hearing world. But dont let the reactions of some hearing people get you down. If the guy runs away, be glad he didnt waste your time when he really wasnt going to make a commitment to overcoming the communication barrier.

    Is Sign English an acceptable compromise for communicating for you?

    Also, I think "The Joy of Signing" is a good book for a hearing person to use. It is clearer and better illustrated than many others, in my humble opinion.

    Cheer up and good luck! You will find a guy who will glad overcome the communication barrier to be with someone as cute and nice as you. ...and tell the rest to go fuck themselves ...hmmmm...how would you sign that? hahahahahahaha
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    May 22, 2008 7:26 PM GMT
    I really think there is a correlation in the higehr percentage of homosexuality in deaf guys. So don't worry you're not alone. I knew another deaf gay guy in another site.

    And yes, I'd date a deaf guy.

    Maybe I should start putting ASL on my list of things to learn. icon_razz.gif
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    May 22, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
    Sedative saidI really think there is a correlation in the higehr percentage of homosexuality in deaf guys. So don't worry you're not alone. I knew another deaf gay guy in another site.

    And yes, I'd date a deaf guy.

    Maybe I should start putting ASL on my list of things to learn. icon_razz.gif


    ASL is hard. It's a whole different way of thinking and "speaking."
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    May 22, 2008 8:14 PM GMT
    Speaking of communication barriers, a little constructive criticism.

    Your profile on this site is very bare. If I lived in your area and was looking to date someone I would skip right on past you because there is very little in your profile. You have to give a sense of your personality, otherwise you are just one of thousands of near empty profiles.

    So, add some more of you to your profile and keep trying. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 22, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    I wouldn't discriminate against dating someone because they are deaf.

    One of the first guys I ever dated was from Austria. He barely spoke any English, and I didn't speak any German. I know this is not the same at all, but the point I'm getting at is that he and I liked each other, so we did the best we could to communicate, and in doing so, learned a lot more about each other.

    Unfortunately, he had to go back to Austria a lot sooner than expected due to a family emergency, and I never saw him again. icon_cry.gif

    The best way to approach a guy is just by being yourself. When the right guy comes along, you will both have to make efforts to learn to communicate with each other. And when you do learn to communicate, things will be even more special.


  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 22, 2008 9:38 PM GMT
    I would have no problem dating a deaf guy. I'd learn to sign if he interested me enough.

    at least we wouldn't disagree over music ;)
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    May 22, 2008 9:45 PM GMT
    You are right it is not your fault you were born deaf. Growing up we had a family who had one deaf child and adopted another, who lived near our Summer Home. We tried to use ASL but would forget a lot since we only used it during the Summer Big joke was that we signed with an accent.
    If you find somebody who is Hearing and you think you love him and him you. Trust me you will work something out.

    Best of Luck !!
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    May 22, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
    GeminiSkiier saidI mean, who would date a deaf guy tho.?


    I would. First of all, I wouldn't let something like that get between myself and someone I was attracted to.

    Secondly, people just eventually zone out and ignore what I'm saying anyways, so I think I could hold on to a deaf boyfriend! icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 22, 2008 10:22 PM GMT
    Altho the world of the deaf is quiet, they aint! tee hee hee.

    I remember one incident in particular when the deaf guy I dated was in the kitchen. What a racket!!! So I tipped toed (what was I thinking! hahaha) to peek in and see what was going on. Nothing. At least, nothing unusual that I could see. So I told him that I was hearing a lot of noise. He explained that he can't hear a cabinet door click closed, so he tends to shut them firmly (read: slam them).

    He was stone deaf. He also made a lot of breathing noises. We dont realize how much feedback we get from the sounds around us.

    But none of this mattered to me, he was the cutest guy.
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    May 22, 2008 11:23 PM GMT
    Oh I dated a deaf guy once, sweetest guy I've ever been with, gawd, no matter where he was though he was as loud as sin (just as Caslon was saying) unbelievable and in the morning when he woke up OMG hahaha

    But, I didn't care, I learnt some basic sign language its not super difficult for the simple things, its the stringing it all together thats the hard part, but we managed although I did call him a few bad things unintentionally.

    hehe he was awesome in the sack too, he didn't know he was moaning and he was LOUD hahaha the whole street could hear him sometimes I swear hehehe but it was hot as hell!

    So too GeminiSkiier, the ones the run away, forget them, they aren't worth your time anyway there are lots of guys out there who wont care that your deaf, your as cute as a button and I'd give ma left nut for a chance to date ya if I was even moderately closer hehehe

    You'll find someone.

    One thing though, the guy I dated because I occasionally struggled signing he practiced lip reading as well, he got heaps better at reading lips then I got at trying to sign, plus we always had postit notes icon_smile.gif

    arguments where never fun though, I could never get my point across unless I wrote it down and I could never write fast enough so we both ran out of steam before it ever got big enough to end up having make up sex.. still be tried icon_razz.gif
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    May 23, 2008 1:48 AM GMT
    I would. And it helps that you're a bit cute too.
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    May 23, 2008 2:32 AM GMT
    GeminiSkiier said

    ...the communication barrier between me and my date could be very pretty difficult (keep in mind that I am deaf 100% and I could not talk that well and I'm not awesome at reading lips)....

    My friends kept telling me that I should not go for hearing guys and go for a deaf guy that makes things easier...At same time, I just don't want to limit myself to deaf guys because that will makes dating pool much slimmer...

    It is just so hard because if I like a hearing guy and goes out on several dates w/ him then he would have to learn sign language in order to have the communication much effective and I feel like I am a burden....

    But, at same time, soon as guys find out that I'm deaf and they run away... It is just sucks.


    Many, if not all, relationships have to overcome communication barriers. Money aside, lack of communication is usually cited as the main reason for the ending of many relationships. Your situation is simply skewed to a more extreme level.

    Do not bother yourself with the guys who flee from you when they learn of your hearing status. The chances are that those men/guys/boys lack the patience needed to deal with verbal communication, let alone visual communication.

    I completely agree that you shouldn't restrict your dating pool to hearing impaired men only (no one should limit themselves), but I disagree with you on the labeling of yourself as a burden. Don't think that way. Any man who doesn't want to put up with the task of communicating with you isn't worth the time (that applies to both the hearing and hearing impaired). Water under the bridge.

    GeminiSkiier said
    Right now, it is just so really frustrating for me that I am having a hard time meeting guys...I just wish that guys wouldn't let my deafness getting in the way. But, again, I know learning sign language is just so much harder. It is a visual language, not a verbal language. ...I am trying to figure it out how to make the communication much easier between me and a hearing guy. But, it seems like there's like every obstacle in the way of overcoming the communication barrier. I mean, any advices or any idea of how to approach a guy without scaring him away with my deafness at some place.

    Sorry if I'm babbling too much! I mean, who would date a deaf guy tho.?


    Obviously, your signing skills are going to be far more superior when compared to those of a hearing individual. I would recommend that you be passive when communicating to a hearing person. A person of hearing would probably come up with a poor man's version of sign language. In other words, you're going to have to learn sign language from him; as well as him learning sign language from you!

    Oh, and by the way, I find deaf men to be sexy. I even tried to learn sign language in middle school because I wanted to associate with the non-hearing. I would totally date you icon_smile.gif
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    May 23, 2008 3:46 AM GMT
    I agree with the guys who say that it would be like overcoming a langauge barrier...if you like each other, you make it work.

    I guess that's nothing that anybody else hasn't already said, lol...and I'm also not alone in saying that I'd date you in a second ;)..you're really cute and seem like a total sweetheart. icon_smile.gif
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    May 23, 2008 4:20 AM GMT
    I dated a deaf guy for a while in New York. He was adorable. Like Caslon, I learned Sign English. I was planning to learn ASL and even bought a book on the subject, but he was French and got homesick, so back he finally went to Paris and that was that.

    The other thing we would do is call each other over the TTY system. He told me that by law the TTY operators had to relay everything exactly as said word for word. And since they were mostly blue-haired biddies in Omaha, he delighted in the most crude and specific sex talk when he called me.

    He was great. He was also amazing sexually. He told me that deaf guys are usually way over-sexed. Compensation, or something.
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    May 23, 2008 12:22 PM GMT
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    May 23, 2008 12:48 PM GMT
    I've dated a deaf guy before and really enjoyed it! We started out by using notepads, which turned really funny! When we went to the bar and used the bartender's charge pads, one of my favorite bartenders would try and read out our conversation and comment on what we said to the rest of the bar!

    My current boyfriend's parents are deaf so he knows ASL and is teaching me it because we have a deaf couple that we hang out with. I love learning new languages, so if the boy's worth the effort, I wouldn't let something like being deaf hold me back.
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    May 23, 2008 1:38 PM GMT
    My ASL isn't amazing, but it's ok...so the deaf thing wouldn't be an issue to me at all. And for those that don't know any sign, it just takes time to learn. If you're faced with guys who aren't up to the task, they aren't worth lamenting over.

    (In the end, it doesn't matter how something is communicated--it's what is actually said that matters.)
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    May 23, 2008 1:41 PM GMT
    I agree with the above posters, I wouldn't have a problem dating someone who is deaf and if things went well, I would be more than happy to learn ASL. Don't think that its a burden for someone who likes you to learn ASL, if they like you it will be something they want to do!
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    May 23, 2008 1:46 PM GMT
    Rhodielifter saidI agree with the above posters, I wouldn't have a problem dating someone who is deaf and if things went well, I would be more than happy to learn ASL. Don't think that its a burden for someone who likes you to learn ASL, if they like you it will be something they want to do!


    You know there's a big difference between ASL and Sign English ...and ASL and English, for that matter?
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    May 23, 2008 2:11 PM GMT
    I sign icon_smile.gif
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    May 23, 2008 2:25 PM GMT
    caslon said
    You know there's a big difference between ASL and Sign English ...and ASL and English, for that matter?


    Years ago. I started to learn ASL. I'm not familiar with Sign English. Is there any brief way of describing the difference?

    As for ASL, I found it to be a rich language. I didn't find it really difficult, but finger spelling was hard. I had a lot of difficulty trying to spell out a word while saying/mouthing the word instead of saying the letters of the word.

    To GeminiSkiier, I'd say that much of what's said here is true. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. If they really want to be with you, they'll meet you halfway.
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    May 23, 2008 2:27 PM GMT
    caslon said[quote][cite]Rhodielifter said[/cite]I agree with the above posters, I wouldn't have a problem dating someone who is deaf and if things went well, I would be more than happy to learn ASL. Don't think that its a burden for someone who likes you to learn ASL, if they like you it will be something they want to do!


    You know there's a big difference between ASL and Sign English ...and ASL and English, for that matter?[/quote]

    YEP! ASL is like learning Latin. You can't directly translate English to it. Like "I like that" in sign is more like "That like I" But I'm lucky enough to be around some people that immerse me into it, so it forces me to change my mindset for it.