graphicb saidMy parents been on my back for a long time about finding a girl and getting married, but I never told them about me. I am not out to anyone. Also They are very old and worried the news will give them a stroke or put them in the hospital. It seems I have to just keep it within me.
I have no choice but to put up with their nagging about getting married. What do you think? I just don't have the heart to put it out on them, specially when they are both sick and fragile.
My Mother died first without our ever discussing it. My Father was in the last year of his life, diagnosed terminally ill, when my Sister told me our parents always knew I was gay. And had told her about me, she 17, when I enlisted in the US Army.
And I wanted to scream at her: "You three knew this, so why didn't anyone ever tell ME?" Because I was in deep denial back then at 20, and would have benefited from knowing before I went another 20+ years and made lots of stupid mistakes as a result.
So anyway, now Dad's dying, and I finally know I'm gay. Do I tell him before he passes, and confirm for him what he already assumes?
And I decided no. Every situation is different, every family dynamic unique. I judged that my Father (who would have been 100 this last September) came from a generation that imagined homosexuality to be "curable." And that marriage and 25 years in the Army had indeed cured me.
I don't think he wanted me to be gay. And I didn't want to disappoint him. I didn't want to upset him in his last months, to spoil the real pride he had in me, when he'd take me to his favorite local haunt, the American Legion Hall, and introduce me all around as "my son the Colonel."
I think at the end of his life he was really proud of me at last, something I never knew him to be before, always something of an underachiever compared to him and my Mother. I didn't want to ruin that pride, for his sake, and frankly, for mine, too.
If there's a Heaven, he knows about me now anyway. If there's not, then he died happy in at least one regard. Much as I wanted to tell him, to share with him, I had to ask myself was I motivated to tell him for his good, or for my own? It hurt me to keep that secret from him, but I think it benefited him more. Sometimes we have to put others ahead of ourselves -- it's not all about us.
You, OP, must judge your own circumstances for yourself. You heard what I did, and what others suggest. Not an easy decision, and I wish you, and your parents, the best.