How to come out to friends.

  • Moyero87

    Posts: 1

    Oct 14, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    I would please just like some advice from some of the experiences some of you've had.

    I've recently accepted that I'm gay and told my parents, they have absolutely no problem with it. My problem is that I don't know how to tell my friends. It feels like I've been 'lying' to them for so long I don't know how to set things right.

    If anybody can relate to this, and maybe just can give some advice I would really appreciate it.

    Thanks.
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    Oct 14, 2011 6:12 PM GMT
    Just... tell them.

    It's really that simple. You don't have to dress it up or anything. If they're really your friends, they will be happy for you, maybe question you a bit and still be your friend at the end of the day. The others will weed themselves out somehow.
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    Oct 14, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    I just told my straight friends early this past summer

    See I kinda took the pussy way out and told them when I was wasted. But it worked haha. They were all super supportive and actually all my close relationships grew closer. Some of the guys are still a tiny bit awkward if I talk about guys in front of them, but that is the worst of it. They all at some point tell me they don't care and they still love me.

    I actually ask guy advice from one of my straight friends because he has a good d-bag mindset so I like to ask him what a guy really means when he does something haha.

    Just do it when you want to, but don't put it off because that is my biggest regret!
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    Oct 14, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    If you mean going up to them and saying you're gay, this may be more of a bombshell than mentioning it in passing when they ask about your boyfriend.

    I was open about being homo-romantic asexual and straight guys had less of an issue than gay guys. Women are all over me when I tell them, which is a bit of a nuisance at times.
  • BrownsTown

    Posts: 158

    Oct 14, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    I'm 41 and just coming out now. I have some friends whom I have known for decades and I have not had anything less that a positive response. Maybe my situation isn't typical, but even some friends whom I thought were more conservative and homophobic have been great.

    Just let yourself shine through. Being gay is a portion of you, it doesn't define who you are—your character, your sense of humor, your opinions, your outlook on life, etc., etc. If they are really your friends, they will see that and support you. And if they understand ANYTHING about today's world, they will understand how coming out was a (long or difficult) process for you.

    Good luck, my friend!
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    Oct 14, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    KSUOWL saidI just told my straight friends early this past summer

    See I kinda took the pussy way out and told them when I was wasted. But it worked haha. They were all super supportive and actually all my close relationships grew closer. Some of the guys are still a tiny bit awkward if I talk about guys in front of them, but that is the worst of it. They all at some point tell me they don't care and they still love me.

    I actually ask guy advice from one of my straight friends because he has a good d-bag mindset so I like to ask him what a guy really means when he does something haha.

    Just do it when you want to, but don't put it off because that is my biggest regret!


    Haha d-bag friends rock, I'm such a d-bag to mine but that's why they ask for advice when they need the cold truth to their face.
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    Oct 14, 2011 8:29 PM GMT
    Moyero87 saidI would please just like some advice from some of the experiences some of you've had.

    I've recently accepted that I'm gay and told my parents, they have absolutely no problem with it. My problem is that I don't know how to tell my friends. It feels like I've been 'lying' to them for so long I don't know how to set things right.

    If anybody can relate to this, and maybe just can give some advice I would really appreciate it.

    Thanks.


    Hey man, dont sweat it so much... Tell someone your really close to first, alone... Start with a girl... Girls never give a shit, so tell them first... theyll make u feel better about yourself, then when you tell guys it wont seem like such a big deal.. Message me if you have any questions man, I can totally relate to how you feel... its terrifying but once you take the jump, you'll wonder why it seemed like such a big deal to begin with!
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    Oct 14, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    Moyero87 said 'lying' to them for so long I don't know how to set things right..


    Just say something like that? lol


    Honestly, all I said when I came out was "Oh btw, turns out I'm gay LOL Thought I'd let ya know"
    Your friends don't need a long, awkward, drawn-out, coming out session. Being blunt is truly the best way.
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    Oct 14, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    I AM A HOMO.
    kthxbai

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    Oct 14, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    Chances are they have thought you are gay or maybe already know it. Friends are usually better than parents at detecting the homo-ness.

    Think about a friend who you think will be receptive and tell them. Then see how it goes.

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    Oct 14, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    oh and as for thread relevancy i forgot to post this..

  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Oct 14, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
    Just remember its your choice to come out - you don't have to do it, and you can take your time about it. Don't let anyone force you to come out, do it when you are ready.

    Best thing to do may be to take your friends away somewhere - maybe individually if its a group of them that you are coming out to? Also it helps to think about what could happen if you get a bad reaction and try not to argue with them if you do- saying things like "I know you're not accepting this and it would help me if you can try to understand me". They may not accept it at first then come round to it. Most people are happy though when you come out to them (or in the case of two of my friends, they couldn't care less).

    As the recent campaign goes, it DOES get easier the more you do it. Best of luck!

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    Oct 14, 2011 9:24 PM GMT
    You have NOTHING to lose.. if 'friends' abandon you, they weren't ever real 'friends' in the first place.
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    Oct 15, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    do it like I did. Post on facebook, and say that if you're my true friends, you'll accept me for being who I am and that get lost if you don't like me because of this
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    Oct 15, 2011 1:25 AM GMT
    since your parents already knew it and accepted it, your friends well also do the same i'm sure. Your lucky because have the chance to tell them without any complications.
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    Oct 15, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    Man, I can totally relate. Have only come out to a handful of people so far, all with positive reactions. But it's still tough. It's not that people won't try to understand... the good ones will, but their perception will still change. I hate the idea of being defined by sexuality, especially since people tend to single out a characteristic like being gay, but that's no excuse to stay in the closet.

    Anyways, my advice to you is the same thing I'm telling myself: Make sure the timing feels right, and then just do it. The rest will work itself out with time.