FIRST IMPRESSIONS

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 22, 2008 9:49 PM GMT
    So there you are... you meet someone and you realize instantly you dislike them..icon_mad.gif

    Do you really have "first impressions"? Do you have a 6th sense when it comes to recognizing "red flags"?
    If so... how has it worked in your life.
    Have you ever overuled the 6th sense to your chagrin later?

    This thread is inspired by that of Kissing Pro on meeting his friend's bf. Good topic and I'm curious.

    For me I do have first impressions. Generally they are
    within some bounds, meaning even if I don't have a real positive view of someone, it can be rectified. I have had a half dozen experiences in my life where I have met someone and the red flags fly. Something about them (involving trust).. and I've found it to be an accurate feeling.

    You?
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    May 22, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    I've found my first impressions about someone to always be accurate. I've given up on ignoring them and giving the person the benefit of the doubt...it never turns out well.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 22, 2008 9:53 PM GMT
    Sometimes there's just something about a person's face, expressions or mannerisms that just set me right off and I instantly dislike them. Sometimes it's the opposite.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    May 22, 2008 9:54 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidSometimes there's just something about a person's face, expressions or mannerisms that just set me right off and I instantly dislike them. Sometimes it's the opposite.


    What about someones nipples? icon_wink.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 22, 2008 9:56 PM GMT
    ShawnTO said[quote][cite]Timberoo said[/cite]Sometimes there's just something about a person's face, expressions or mannerisms that just set me right off and I instantly dislike them. Sometimes it's the opposite.


    What about someones nipples? icon_wink.gif[/quote]

    as long as they aren't those giant pencil eraser ones i'm good
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    May 22, 2008 10:03 PM GMT
    blink.jpg

    "Drawing on recent cognitive research, Gladwell concludes that those who quickly filter out extraneous information generally make better decisions than those who discount their first impressions."

    "Utilizing case studies as diverse as speed dating, pop music, and the shooting of Amadou Diallo, Gladwell reveals that what we think of as decisions made in the blink of an eye are much more complicated than assumed. Drawing on cutting-edge neuroscience and psychology, he shows how the difference between good decision-making and bad has nothing to do with how much information we can process quickly, but on the few particular details on which we focus."

    The book has been out for a year. If it hasnt made it to Kansas yet, try Amazon.com or bn.com ... icon_wink.gif
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    May 22, 2008 10:26 PM GMT
    I think the two situations are very different when using "first impressions"

    With a friend introducing you to a new BF you are essentially in the passengers seat. You really don't have a say so in this new guy suddenly being in your life. He's going to be there for whatever period of time so you have to "adjust" to his presence even after that first negative impression. All you can do is acknowledge those red flags privately. Unfortunately, you can't do the wise thing and just turn your back on that person.

    When you are personally in the process of inviting someone new into your life one on one you are in the drivers seat. I do go with intuition but I also make sure I'm observing everything properly. One bitchy comment should never define the person. Repeated bitchy comments or certain personality traits you find annoying need to be noted. Listen to your instincts at that point and move on.

    So yes, I do believe in first impressions. They've been dead on for me but I'm very fair.
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    May 22, 2008 10:47 PM GMT
    Like Shawn, I've stopped ignoring my first impressions as everytime I have and doubted myself instead, I found that I've wasted too much time.

    And I don't think that I've gotten bitter, I think that I've just figured out that rainbows and butterflys flying out of my butt, doesn't make people become something that they're not.
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    May 22, 2008 10:53 PM GMT
    polobutt saidLike Shawn, I've stopped ignoring my first impressions as everytime I have and doubted myself instead, I found that I've wasted too much time.

    And I don't think that I've gotten bitter, I think that I've just figured out that rainbows and butterflys flying out of my butt, doesn't make people become something that they're not.


    LOL.. love the rainbows and butterflys comment icon_lol.gif

    Putting on an act and laying it on too thick with kindness is just as annoying. What I do is just relax and create a comfort zone so that the other party is comfortable enough to show who they are. Rainbows and butterflys would irk the shit out of me hahahaha
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    May 22, 2008 11:03 PM GMT
    I think judging someone based on first impressions is in the same mindset as judging people for being black, gay or whatevr. So I try not to judge anyone on my first impressions if them, but there are always those good and bad flags that come up. I always keep them in the back of my mind about a person.
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    May 22, 2008 11:33 PM GMT
    Pretty much a 50/50 thing, as a first impression is vital to liking a person, they might need a second chance due to them being over excited or overlly shy in the first meeting. Everytime I have based my opininon on the first meeting or "impression" It has been wrong.
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    May 23, 2008 12:40 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidSo there you are... you meet someone and you realize instantly you dislike them..icon_mad.gif

    Do you really have "first impressions"? Do you have a 6th sense when it comes to recognizing "red flags"?
    If so... how has it worked in your life.
    Have you ever overuled the 6th sense to your chagrin later?

    This thread is inspired by that of Kissing Pro on meeting his friend's bf. Good topic and I'm curious.

    For me I do have first impressions. Generally they are
    within some bounds, meaning even if I don't have a real positive view of someone, it can be rectified. I have had a half dozen experiences in my life where I have met someone and the red flags fly. Something about them (involving trust).. and I've found it to be an accurate feeling.

    You?
    First impression...are pretty good.
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    May 23, 2008 1:17 AM GMT
    I'm fortunate to have good, accurate intuition and first impressions. When I go with something - I usually am right. When I sometimes ignore a first impression or intuitive feeling - I end up regreting that I didn't go with my gut. This goes for whether we're talking about a person, place, investment, etc.
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    May 23, 2008 1:19 AM GMT


    LOL.. love the rainbows and butterflys comment icon_lol.gif

    Thanks... My bf gets on me all the time for the rainbows and butterfly's. I guess that I've just always figured that both the good and the bad are always going to be there, so why worry about. If you can't change things, you can't change things, so just try and appreciate the good stuff in life.
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    May 23, 2008 1:24 AM GMT
    I try not to work with first impressions. You can never trully know a person from meeting them once. There are so many ppl in my life who I thought I would never speak to or befriend in a million years and they have ended up being really nice people. Not in all cases though. There are times my impressions are right and other times completely wrong. So to avoid alienating potentionally great friends I don't judge based on first impressions.

    A few years ago I met this guy and I couldn't stand him and he couldn't stand me. The first conversation we ever had was an argument and we were forced to put up with each other for a week because we had to represent our University at a conference. Long story, short....he's my current best friend.
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    May 23, 2008 2:05 AM GMT
    Good lord. What about those you like instantly, those you claim to fall in love with on first sight? I've learned to run in the opposite direction when I have the latter experience. My "gut" is not that reliable.

    As for the opposite experience: disliking someone instantly means you don't like them -- not that there is something objectively wrong with them. So, of course, your intuition is going to be "correct" most of the time. You're only intuiting your own, um, dislike.

    When I have a strong reaction to a stranger, they're usually stimulating some part of myself that needs attention.
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    May 23, 2008 2:08 AM GMT
    Yes, I too sometimes feel a disturbance in The Force. And sometimes it's just gas.
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    May 23, 2008 2:26 AM GMT
    I've caught myself establishing first impressions, but then stupidly prejudging sometimes without more information. So now I try to actively keep an open mind. It doesn't always work...

    Regarding Caslon's "Blink" recommendation...I've got a copy to give--just pay me postage.
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    May 23, 2008 2:34 AM GMT
    I usually trust my intuition because it is usually right. I think it's just picking up on things that I've seen in other people I dislike and then making a kind of pattern recognition in a way that isn't on a conscious level, kind of like that Blink thing

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 23, 2008 3:43 AM GMT
    I'm usually very good at summing up someone right on the spot
    Usually when I have an instant dislike for a guy it means one of two things
    * either he really is an asshole and there's no harm done

    *... or it turns out that we have really good sex together

    the Universe gives in strange ways icon_wink.gif
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    May 23, 2008 7:48 AM GMT
    obscenewish said...your intuition is going to be "correct" most of the time. You're only intuiting your own, um, dislike.

    Ah, love you man. Thanks for saying what has needed to be said on so many levels.
    obscenewish saidWhen I have a strong reaction to a stranger, they're usually stimulating some part of myself that needs attention.

    So true. I realize sometimes how much I would hate myself if I met me. God, it's a wonder I have friends.
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    May 23, 2008 8:10 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said obscenewish said :When I have a strong reaction to a stranger, they're usually stimulating some part of myself that needs attention.

    So true. I realize sometimes how much I would hate myself if I met me. God, it's a wonder I have friends.
    The beginning of friendship can be seen as the patience and tolerance of one and the gratitude of another. Sometimes in trying to define ourselves we move further away from who we are and create divisions between self and others. In moving closer to ourselves underneath all the ideas of how we should be we can realize how much we are alike.

    Life is full of contradictions:
    I hate myself, I Love myself,
    But I still have to {manage to] live with myself.

    When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad.


    A great nation is like a great man:
    When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
    Having realized it, he admits it.
    Having admitted it, he corrects it.
    He considers those who point out his faults
    as his most benevolent teachers.
    He thinks of his enemy
    as the shadow that he himself casts
    .
  • Mars

    Posts: 158

    May 23, 2008 8:41 AM GMT
    If first impressions were all any of us ever allowed each other to form opinions on weather to accept or reject a person it seems to me like there would be a good chance that a lot of people would be missing out on a lot of other great points of view. You never know when you might simply encounter someone on a bad day or even a bad month. Sometimes the truly good relationships we have with people have to begin with a bigger picture than what can be observed in one single encounter.
    That having been said, first impressions can often be right on target, but I don't care how good at judging character we think we are, as human beings there will ALWAYS be errors in that judgement.
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    May 23, 2008 10:59 AM GMT
    When this happens it usually means that you/we have found a "mirror" of ourself. Sometimes those very things about others we find GLARING are the characteristics we also display from time to time.

    So it basicly is an area of personality we ourselves may need to take a look at and "adjust".
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    May 23, 2008 12:27 PM GMT
    I disliked all humans when I first landed. Then little by little they grew on me. And when they were ripe, I harvested them.