Am I gay-centric instead of theocentric?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    I found a church a few months ago, and it feels okay for now. But a little problem has kind of crept up for me...

    A lot of the guys there are achingly beautiful. That's fine; that hell I have made peace with.

    A lot of them are dangerously warm and their company fatally addictive. That's cool; I can stifle my chronic hunger for a nourishing connection deeper than they or any human being can provide, my boyfriend included. I can accept reality on its own terms and in fact, following Christ means leaving people's personhoods intact and not manipulating them into my own image but leaving them in Christ's. Which means that even if I were single, the complexity of these beautiful men's sexual orientations would be none of my business until they decided to trust me with it. It's knowledge that's kept from me for a reason; people have a right to privacy.

    But I can't push aside a nagging feeling that a disproportionately large number of them have gay feelings for some of the other guys. That some, in fact -- so many it's disorienting -- in particular are attracted to me. Not always sexually, not always romantically, but nonetheless attracted and are curious about the possibility of something a bit more intimate than friendship.

    If this is merely wishful thinking on my part, then I have a gay-centric personality and not a Christocentric one. Which means two things: I have elevated my sexuality to a level of absolute importance (idolatry) and I assess everything from that twisted mind-set. I can't see things and people as they are. That prevents me from making legitimate connections with people and not to mention corrodes my integrity towards my partner -- and God! lol. It actually isolates me from the very thing it promised: the opportunity to truly connect and fellowship with other believers. If I'm mistakenly making everything about gayness, then how do I cleanse my mind from that habit?

    If it's not wishful/twisted thinking, and the vibes I'm picking up are what I feel they are, then how do I form intimate but non-sexual relationships with these guys? Please keep in mind, this is one of those churches that really does "love the sinner" and "hate the sin" in a way that doesn't feel like shallow lip-service, but I am not out to anyone there.
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:05 AM GMT
    Babe, you're obsessing... chill out! You're in a normal place....
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:19 AM GMT
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    On this side of heaven, we're always going to be walking contradictions. That said, being self-aware of this tug between our carnal selves and our spiritual yearning for holiness is the first step. Fortunately, you're there. icon_biggrin.gif

    I'd say, allow for appreciation of the beauty of all that God has created ;-) yes, those guys in church. Know your boundaries and where you are weak, always reaffirm your commitments to your bf, to God and to yourself. And if those commitments need to be made explicit to those with whom wish to be in friendship with you, make it clear. Very clear. Avoid putting yourself in possible positions of compromise of your commitments. Always have an exit.

    Your word is all you have, so just be vigilant about honoring those commitments.

    This is true for gay and straight people alike. So in that sense, it's not a gay issue. It's about integrity and holiness—being consecrated unto Christ.
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    I don't see any problem with an abundance of eye candy at your church. There is nothing wrong with appreciating their physical as well as their inner beauty. I agree with Greenhopper, just go with the flow and enjoy the worship experience in the company of your fellow parishoners. Is gay a sin? I don't believe it is, so I would not like the "love the sinner, hate the sin" dogma. Fundamentalists seem to think that heterosexuals have the monopoly on God. Practice sincere love, compassion, mercy, and empathy and you will never go wrong.
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    Oct 17, 2011 12:29 AM GMT
    Hot straight guys that are in a comfortable environment have gay tendencies, some of which they don't even notice themselves.


    It's hilarious.
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:31 AM GMT
    why is it always gay vs christ? I have been in church before when i used to hardcore religious and back then i was always focused on prayer/worship services and good looking gay guys never distracted me.
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    Oct 17, 2011 2:35 AM GMT
    You have a boyfriend. That should be reason enough to stifle any yearnings which you may have. Keep it in check or you're going to ruin your relationship and a community.

    Be grateful for what you have.
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    Oct 17, 2011 7:40 AM GMT
    Maybe all I needed to do was vent my feelings somewhere safe (here) and then have a night's sleep. Which I have.
    This puts everything in perspective: a lot of the above comments agree with what I feel I have to do, especially TerraFirma's suggestions.
    But I'll never grow as a human being if I get stuck on this. There is so much more to church than this...there's serving the part of the city that we're in, for example.
    So I have to let the whole thing go. It was God's business to start with, not mine :-D
    Thanks, guys.