Straight guy sending gay flirtatious signals im confused help!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    im friends with a 20yo supposed straight guy but he keeps sending signals like hes gay,he hasnt had a girlfriend in a few years,we have grown really close but the people ive talked to that know him even say hes not totally straight.

    could it be that hes afraid to admit something to me or what cuz i didnt come out of the closet until recently


    (not sure if this topic has been done yet)
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    to add all my gay friends are telling me not to bother with it and tell him to fuck off which i may end up doing if it gets to the point where it pisses me off
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    He is desperately wanting to come out... Probably hoping you'll say something to him to make it easier.


    I can smell his type from a mile away....




    I'd start by emailing him motivational cards and poems...
    its_okay_to_be_gay.jpg
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    i dont feel too comfortable doing that yet lol
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    Ask him indirect questions about his sexuality and see how he answers. Don't confront. If he's not out to you, there must be a reason on his part. Don't out him if he chooses not to be outed at this point.
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    Oct 17, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidHe is desperately wanting to come out... Probably hoping you'll say something to him to make it easier.
    I can smell his type from a mile away....
    I'd start by emailing him motivational cards and poems...
    [its ok 2 b gay]
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    Oct 17, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    lol but his parents can be assholes though so i dont know if i could deal with them
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    Oct 17, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    bigkevc saidim friends with a 20yo supposed straight guy but he keeps sending signals like hes gay,he hasnt had a girlfriend in a few years,we have grown really close but the people ive talked to that know him even say hes not totally straight.

    could it be that hes afraid to admit something to me or what cuz i didnt come out of the closet until recently


    (not sure if this topic has been done yet)


    This topic has been SO done, so many times.

    But what the heck, let's visit it again! icon_lol.gif

    If you are attracted to him, invite him over for movie night and some brewski. Allow nature to take its' course and see what happens. Have condoms and lube ready.

    If you're not attracted to him, then be his friend, take him out for some brewski, and allow him to open up and share what's on his mind. However, if he's flirting with you, and once a bit snockered if he hits on you harder you're either going to have to throw him a mercy fuck so that he doesn't feel rejected and go further into the closet, or you're going to have to get him so drunk that he passes out so that you don't have to put out.
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    Oct 18, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    but people are telling me to just drop him and not bother with it and im thinkin about doin that
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Oct 18, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    bigkevc saidbut people are telling me to just drop him and not bother with it and im thinkin about doin that


    Quit talking to "people" and talk to him. Tell him some times you get the vibe from him and you need to know if there anything there so you won't do anything to ruin your friendship. Make sure he understands you are cool either way.

    And yes you win the grand prize; you are the 1000th RJ member to post this topic.

  • Oct 18, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    I'm kind of in a similar position, I'm living with a roommate, who I'm not out to, because he's not that close of a friend of mine. Actually we met off craigslist. But I'm bi, so It's been pretty easy so far hiding it from him. I'm not sure if our old roommate, who knew, told him or not. But he's said a couple things, like jokingly saying we should take a nap together. It drives me crazy cause I don't know if he knows, or if he's really just joking and has no idea what he's doing to me. *sigh* Part of me wants to tell him, but part of me doesn't. He's from a really conservative family, and he's never made any mention of being cool with gay people or anything against it for that matter.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Oct 18, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    CastleMadeofSand saidI'm kind of in a similar position, I'm living with a roommate, who I'm not out to, because he's not that close of a friend of mine. Actually we met off craigslist. But I'm bi, so It's been pretty easy so far hiding it from him. I'm not sure if our old roommate, who knew, told him or not. But he's said a couple things, like jokingly saying we should take a nap together. It drives me crazy cause I don't know if he knows, or if he's really just joking and has no idea what he's doing to me. *sigh* Part of me wants to tell him, but part of me doesn't. He's from a really conservative family, and he's never made any mention of being cool with gay people or anything against it for that matter.


    Someone doesn't jokingly suggest taking a nap together unless they want to do it.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Oct 18, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    Hmm. Not sure what kind of signals you're getting.. But, allow me to let you in on an interesting comment I received from a straight friend of mine. Mind you, he does not know I'm gay. So, the long story short version. We're driving home in my car from the club and a friend's house after. We had quite a bit to drink, but neither of us were trashed or anything. So, just in normal conversation he comes out with, "I flirt with everyone. Even guys. Doesn't make me gay." To that I said nothing. Then when we get to his house he asks if I needed to stay or if I was okay to drive. (He's a very good friend, so staying would have been no biggy.) I told him I was fine to drive (even though I probably wasn't), but he again asked me if I wanted to.. Went on to remind me that his parents were out of town so the house was empty. I asked him if he wanted me to stay, and if he did then I would. He said it was up to me, but the house was lonely.. I opted to just go home, we both had things to do the next day.

    I recount all of that to say, don't be too analytical. This dude is super hot, suuper hot. Truely a beautiful man inside and out. But, understood straight. Was that a conversation typical of two straight dudes? Maybe. Or were those signals he was trying to send me? I really missed the boat if so. Bottom line, be careful how literal or serious you take things. Are the signals you're getting really signals or are they just perceived signals?
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Oct 18, 2011 5:43 AM GMT
    waccamatt said
    CastleMadeofSand saidI'm kind of in a similar position, I'm living with a roommate, who I'm not out to, because he's not that close of a friend of mine. Actually we met off craigslist. But I'm bi, so It's been pretty easy so far hiding it from him. I'm not sure if our old roommate, who knew, told him or not. But he's said a couple things, like jokingly saying we should take a nap together. It drives me crazy cause I don't know if he knows, or if he's really just joking and has no idea what he's doing to me. *sigh* Part of me wants to tell him, but part of me doesn't. He's from a really conservative family, and he's never made any mention of being cool with gay people or anything against it for that matter.


    Someone doesn't jokingly suggest taking a nap together unless they want to do it.



    I'm sorry, but I disagree. Granted the context in which it was said, along with many other things need to be considered.. But how unfair of you to state as fact the intentions of another person regarding a conversation you did not take part in. You mean to say there is NO WAY that could have been a joke?
  • freakybytch

    Posts: 1

    Oct 19, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    FOLLOW YOUR FIRST MIND IF IT TELLS YOU TO KEEP IT MOVING THEN DO SO BUT IF IT TELLS YOU TO DO YOU THEN GUESS WAT DO YOU PEOPLE TEND TO HATE ON OTHERS SOMETHING YOU IS NEVER SUPPOSE TO DO IS ASK ANOTHER PERSON FOR THERE ADVICE AND EXPECT THEN TO FEEL LIKE YOU FEEL BUT ONE THING DAT I HAVE EXPERIENCE IS STRAIGHT MEN ALWAYS TEND TO CUM AFTER US BUT YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG BECUZ IF THEY ARE IN THE CLOSET ONE OF THE THINGS DAT THEY WILL ALWAYS DO IS CHOOSE A FEMALE OVER A MALE IN PUBLIC BECUZ THEY ARE SCARED OF WAT THE NEXT PERSON HAVE TO SAY SO WITH ALL OF THAT SAID IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR LOVE YOU HAVE YOUR EYES ON THE WRONG BALL GAME YOU NEED TO FIND SOMEONE THAT WANTS YOU IN NOT WAT YOU HAVE IF YOU WANT A QUICK FUCK THEN DATS THE PERFECT GUY FOR YOU..............GOOD LUCK I REALLY HOPE IT ALL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    I think all your gay friends are probably telling you not to bother with him so they can have a crack at him. LOL.(jokinng).

    In all seriousness, I wouldn't take it too seriously. If he's straight then let him be straight with his flirty ways. It seems he's ok flirting with people both male and female. Not really a big deal. You could just be analyzing the whole thing too much because you might have a thing for him. A very common thing among gays is to take signals the wrong way from straight guys especially if they are hot and appealing to you.

    Don't go off of what others say about this dude. They are as clueless as you are so they aren't a reliable source of information. They don't know and are only assuming. Stay away from that word and it's actions.

    If he is gay and he is having a hard time figuring some things out about himself then just let him know that he has a friend in you and make yourself available to him if he needs someone to talk to. You said yourself that you just came out recently so maybe he's going through the same stuff and doesn't know how to deal with it. He might just be flirty because he doesn't know what else to do. A silent cry for help if you will. Regardless, just be a friend and let him know that you'll be there for him whenever he wants to talk.

    Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2011 6:13 PM GMT
    im probably not gonna bother with him no more cuz his parents can be complete assholes
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    Oct 19, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    but thanks for all the Advice guys!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 19, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    bigkevc saidto add all my gay friends are telling me not to bother with it and tell him to fuck off which i may end up doing if it gets to the point where it pisses me off
    do not listen to your friends. i think you should do what you feel is best for you. here are a few questions for me to help you. do you like him? what is he doing that is sending you gay signals? does he flirt with you? answer these questions and maybe i can offer some advice for you
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    Oct 19, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    bigkevc saidto add all my gay friends are telling me not to bother with it and tell him to fuck off which i may end up doing if it gets to the point where it pisses me off
    do not listen to your friends. i think you should do what you feel is best for you. here are a few questions for me to help you. do you like him? what is he doing that is sending you gay signals? does he flirt with you? answer these questions and maybe i can offer some advice for you


    i do like him the gay signals hes sending is that when im laying on the bed he lays on my legs and leans on me a lot
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    Oct 19, 2011 6:48 PM GMT
    This kind of shit pisses me off. Straight guys need to stop flirting with gay guys like this. I fell in love with a straight guy a couple of years ago...HARD. He was very playful with me and would wipe sweat off my face with his hands.

    My advice? Be direct with him. Tell him that he's sending you these signals and that you don't want to be confused and misinterpret his intentions. He needs to stop what he's doing if he's only being playful. If there's something more than that, this conversation would be an opportunity for him to lay it out there. It may not be fun to think that he can't flirt with you - let's be honest, it's fun - you also need to realize what he's inadvertently doing.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 19, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    bigkevc said
    tuffguyndc said
    bigkevc saidto add all my gay friends are telling me not to bother with it and tell him to fuck off which i may end up doing if it gets to the point where it pisses me off
    do not listen to your friends. i think you should do what you feel is best for you. here are a few questions for me to help you. do you like him? what is he doing that is sending you gay signals? does he flirt with you? answer these questions and maybe i can offer some advice for you


    i do like him the gay signals hes sending is that when im laying on the bed he lays on my legs and leans on me a lot
    i say just go with the flow. do not stop your daily routines or the things in your life that you continue to do. i am not saying wait around for him forever. i think if he is gay or bi he will eventually let you know. now here is my personal opinion. i do not think he is gay. he might be bi but from what you have told me. i do not think he has done anything out of the ordinary. i have a buddy of mine who use to come in my room while i got out of the shower and watched me change in front of him. he use to hug me and jump on me. we would even wrestle. he was not gay. there are some guys who are just a little bit more comfortable with male bonding than others.
    like i said if he is gay or bi he will let you know in his own way and his own time. one more question. does he know that you are gay?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    bigkevc said
    tuffguyndc said
    bigkevc saidto add all my gay friends are telling me not to bother with it and tell him to fuck off which i may end up doing if it gets to the point where it pisses me off
    do not listen to your friends. i think you should do what you feel is best for you. here are a few questions for me to help you. do you like him? what is he doing that is sending you gay signals? does he flirt with you? answer these questions and maybe i can offer some advice for you


    i do like him the gay signals hes sending is that when im laying on the bed he lays on my legs and leans on me a lot
    i say just go with the flow. do not stop your daily routines or the things in your life that you continue to do. i am not saying wait around for him forever. i think if he is gay or bi he will eventually let you know. now here is my personal opinion. i do not think he is gay. he might be bi but from what you have told me. i do not think he has done anything out of the ordinary. i have a buddy of mine who use to come in my room while i got out of the shower and watched me change in front of him. he use to hug me and jump on me. we would even wrestle. he was not gay. there are some guys who are just a little bit more comfortable with male bonding than others.
    like i said if he is gay or bi he will let you know in his own way and his own time. one more question. does he know that you are gay?


    yes he knows im gay
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 19, 2011 7:32 PM GMT
    bigkevc said
    tuffguyndc said
    bigkevc said
    tuffguyndc said
    bigkevc saidto add all my gay friends are telling me not to bother with it and tell him to fuck off which i may end up doing if it gets to the point where it pisses me off
    do not listen to your friends. i think you should do what you feel is best for you. here are a few questions for me to help you. do you like him? what is he doing that is sending you gay signals? does he flirt with you? answer these questions and maybe i can offer some advice for you


    i do like him the gay signals hes sending is that when im laying on the bed he lays on my legs and leans on me a lot
    i say just go with the flow. do not stop your daily routines or the things in your life that you continue to do. i am not saying wait around for him forever. i think if he is gay or bi he will eventually let you know. now here is my personal opinion. i do not think he is gay. he might be bi but from what you have told me. i do not think he has done anything out of the ordinary. i have a buddy of mine who use to come in my room while i got out of the shower and watched me change in front of him. he use to hug me and jump on me. we would even wrestle. he was not gay. there are some guys who are just a little bit more comfortable with male bonding than others.
    like i said if he is gay or bi he will let you know in his own way and his own time. one more question. does he know that you are gay?


    yes he knows im gay
    oh ok, like i said, just go with the flow dude. i am willing to bet that if he is really interested you he will let you know. however, i say you are probably just misinterpreting those signals.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Oct 19, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like you are both too shy to make a move. Next time he is draped across your bed or touching you casually, reciprocate. Rub his neck. Or just say "That feels good," or cuddle back. There is a whole range of behavior between just being platonic friends and having hot and heavy sex. Give him a chance to explore his own curiosity if you want.

    Just try not to make it a big deal. I think most guys, gay or straight, do not like it when a partner either male or female makes a big fuss. this is especially true with a shy, closeted, curious but maybe not sure, person. And whatever you do, don't kiss and tell. Don't gossip. That would simply throw gasoline on the anxiety fire.