Gay guys are very sensitive

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    Oct 17, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    Yes we all know this is true. But I also feel that gay guys are very sensitive to THEIR own feelings and they can give less than a rat's ass about OTHER people's feelings. Some people they can just flirt all they want and do all of these things that will make you think that they like you, yet at the end, they were just toying with your emotions.

    Do you guys feel that this is true? Do you care about other people's emotions just as much as your own? Have you been hurt before, but now you feel that you can just circulate that toying mentality so the shit that goes on in the gay dating just kind of perpetuates? Circle of SHIT, that's what I call it.

    What are your thoughts on this, dudes?
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    Oct 17, 2011 4:03 AM GMT

    I think being sensitive and having empathy are two valuable emotional muscles to have. They work in tandem. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    PS I think you sure sound frustrated!
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    Oct 17, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    waimea saidYes we all know this is true. But I also feel that gay guys are very sensitive to THEIR own feelings and they can give less than a rat's ass about OTHER people's feelings. Some people they can just flirt all they want and do all of these things that will make you think that they like you, yet at the end, they were just toying with your emotions.

    Do you guys feel that this is true? Do you care about other people's emotions just as much as your own? Have you been hurt before, but now you feel that you can just circulate that toying mentality so the shit that goes on in the gay dating just kind of perpetuates? Circle of SHIT, that's what I call it.

    What are your thoughts on this, dudes?


    I don't like people flirting with me if they don't actually find me appealing/attractive. It's confusing to me. When I first came out, people flirted with me a lot, and I thought they all really liked me, but in they end, some of them wanted nothing to do with me, others were just having some light fun, and a lot of them just wanted sex.

    At this point if a gay guy tells me he likes me or flirts with me, I take it with a grain of salt. I'm not a cynical person by nature but it's classical conditioning I guess....or is it operant.....its late. I forget. The point is, I never know who is interested in me and who isn't and thus don't have the energy to try to sift through the mind games.

    Unfortunately I am guilty of making people think that I have feelings for them. If someone had a dream, I like to see them go after it, if someone has a problem, I like to see it fixed etc. There's a lot of things that I fail at but I consider myself a pretty good friend. But I find a lot of times that because I tend to be so demonstrative about my feelings toward people, (even platonic feelings) they always think that I am infatuated with them even if I am not. I just sometimes do nice things.......sometimes.

    If I really like a person, I will tell them straight out. I know that's not normally how the game is played but I think we all owe each other more than games. If I really like you, the last thing I want to do is make you spend unnecessary time and energy figuring that out.

    Even if I don't tell someone I like them, I tend to try to show it in some way. I may listen really intently to them, but typically, I will try to engage a part of them that the rest of the world doesn't value or seems to ignore.

    There is a guy I have been talking too for a few months. He is a super hot and incredibly funny computer scientist who just graduated from MIT. Every time I talk to him, I try to figure out what his dreams are and try to encourage him to go after them. He is assembling a team to start his own project group and I love asking him how its going because I bet he doesn't get to talk about that a lot. We tend to hide our dreams or goals from other people. I remember he said he wanted to jump out of a plane but no one supported him. He doesn't know it yet, but when he gets to new york, we are going out to Long Island and we are gonna jump out of a plane. icon_smile.gif If someone share's their dream with you, it's like sharing a part of themselves so if you like them you should listen really really closely. He's not my BF, but whether we develop into anything romantic or not is irrelevant to me. I just want to see him smile. That's kinda how I am....If you make me smile, I want to make you smile ten times as hard.

    SO the point I'm trying to make is.....you really have to look at the little things to determine whether or not someone is really into you. You can't just go on what they say or little flirty things they do...because that could be bullshit. It's their empathy and their receptiveness to your opinions, fears, dreams.... etc that will tell you whether or not they are really into you.
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    Oct 17, 2011 11:40 AM GMT
    I usually care about others more than my own... i put myself behind others in most cases... its a Cancer trait... its very mothering... I mother....
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    Oct 17, 2011 11:49 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    I think being sensitive and having empathy are two valuable emotional muscles to have. They work in tandem. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    PS I think you sure sound frustrated!


    Very good answer Doug and I agree. Being sensitive to others feelings and extending oneself to help others is the key. Altruism has its own personal reward.
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    Oct 17, 2011 11:52 AM GMT
    waaaa.gif
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    False generalization is false.
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:04 PM GMT
    INORITE
    Animus saidFalse generalization is false.
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:21 PM GMT
    I haven't been around or close to alot of gay people. I am just a countryboy who lives near a lake outside of a small town.

    You guys make me feel good.

    I see I am similar to some of you and not others.


    I try and not hurt peoples feeling in general. I want to be liked in general.

    I like making people laugh at times.

    I care about people in general.

    You guys make me think,,,,,,,,,,,,,thanks!
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    I treat people the way I demand and want to be treated with dignity and respect.Along with that I'm very sensitive to the plight and the feelings of others. That is until after I discover that one is a "STUNT QUEEN".
    Then my Scorpio stinger comes out and it's "DEADLY"! icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

    My friends often say that I'm wayyyyy to sensitive and I am but it's part of who I am and I can't change that.
  • xflex2000

    Posts: 44

    Oct 17, 2011 1:44 PM GMT
    i find gay men are the same as any other 'group' of people in general - some are selfish, some are giving... some are arrogant, some are considerate and humble... some are rude and obnoxious, some are tactful and gracious.

    we're all on a journey... what do we choose to be?
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidI usually care about others more than my own... i put myself behind others in most cases... its a Cancer trait... its very mothering... I mother....

    Mother me, mother me. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    Xflex200, you're spot on.

    it's a journey, what do you choose to be......

    well said. icon_biggrin.gif

    mike
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    Oct 17, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    XFlex2000, I shorted you a zero. I am being considerate of your feeling.


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    Oct 17, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    TerraFirma said
    GreenHopper saidI usually care about others more than my own... i put myself behind others in most cases... its a Cancer trait... its very mothering... I mother....

    Mother me, mother me. icon_smile.gif


    lol HAHA there there *gives bottle* icon_razz.gif
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    Oct 17, 2011 2:11 PM GMT
    Look at it this way: A lot of gay guys are horribly insecure. They flirt with guys they think are cute in the hopes of getting a response, which then validates their own attractiveness and gives them a self-esteem boost. This has nothing to do with whether they actually want to pursue anything with the object of their flirtation. Usually, they don't.

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    Oct 17, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    Nobody's perfect, gay or straight. Most people are petty good, but even the best have bad moments. Don't let it sour you on people.
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    Oct 17, 2011 2:38 PM GMT
    Have a question along the same lines so here goes. I went to this really nice gay club for the first time this weekend alone. I have a hard time approaching people so ended up talking to one of the bartenders and we really hit it off. So i basically just stayed there talking to him and his husband the whole night. got approached by a few guys while they were getting drinks and I was trying to be decent and have a conversation with them. I was really only there for making some friends and not looking for sex. So if anyone would flirt i would simply thank them for the complement and tell them I was just looking for friends. I wasn't being rude at all but for some reason got called an asshole multiple times for not flirting back. Is it rude not to play along? didn't make any sense.

    Also any advice on how to approach people in clubs to make friends?
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    Oct 17, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    hairymusclejock saidHave a question along the same lines so here goes. I went to this really nice gay club for the first time this weekend alone. I have a hard time approaching people so ended up talking to one of the bartenders and we really hit it off. So i basically just stayed there talking to him and his husband the whole night. got approached by a few guys while they were getting drinks and I was trying to be decent and have a conversation with them. I was really only there for making some friends and not looking for sex. So if anyone would flirt i would simply thank them for the complement and tell them I was just looking for friends. I wasn't being rude at all but for some reason got called an asshole multiple times for not flirting back. Is it rude not to play along? didn't make any sense.

    Also any advice on how to approach people in clubs to make friends?


    Yes, dont go to clubs to make friends. Join a sports team or some activity that you enjoy to make friends.
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    Oct 18, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    Generally, I care about other people's feelings. I'm true to myself and in turn, I'd like to think I don't hurt people's feelings by not being genuine to them. To that point:

    I definitely don't flirt if I'm not interested. I hate leading people on. And actually I rarely make the first move, in real life or online. I've no problem being assertive once I know someone's into me and I'm also interested. I dunno, usually people make it known they're into me.

    It takes a special kind of guy for me to make the first move in any way, whether for friendship/because i'm attracted/a mix of both. I have to have a good feeling about someone to do so. And even then, it's not worked out so great.

    But to be honest - at this point, I just want friends. So sometimes I might be into someone on a completely platonic basis, which means more to me than some fleeting attraction. And then it doesn't work out if they're just into me as friends. icon_sad.gif

    The perpetual sigh.
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    Oct 18, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    waimea saidYes we all know this is true. But I also feel that gay guys are very sensitive to THEIR own feelings and they can give less than a rat's ass about OTHER people's feelings. Some people they can just flirt all they want and do all of these things that will make you think that they like you, yet at the end, they were just toying with your emotions.

    Do you guys feel that this is true? Do you care about other people's emotions just as much as your own? Have you been hurt before, but now you feel that you can just circulate that toying mentality so the shit that goes on in the gay dating just kind of perpetuates? Circle of SHIT, that's what I call it.

    What are your thoughts on this, dudes?



    LOL. I honestly don't give much thought about other people's feeling when I'm online and I suppose the same could be said for others when they are dealing with me. I think some people just have thin skin. I think I've proved that with a few characters on here (they know who they are).

    I always have options when dealing folks and generally opt to go for the one that best suits me and my personality. A lot of times that just means I have to be blunt and take rather realistic approach to things like say if some shows interest in me but I'm not feeling it on my end. I'm just gonna let that person know straight up that I don't feel the same. I do this because sugar coating things tends to send the wrong message. Also when giving an opinion I'm not about to sugar coat that either.

    I was always taught that if you aren't gonna be honest with a response when asked for one then you shouldn't give one. Some people are sensitive and just don't like realness. They'd rather people cater to their emotions and show sympathy then give a honest answer that usually seems harsh.
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    Oct 18, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    Guy101 said
    waimea saidYes we all know this is true. But I also feel that gay guys are very sensitive to THEIR own feelings and they can give less than a rat's ass about OTHER people's feelings. Some people they can just flirt all they want and do all of these things that will make you think that they like you, yet at the end, they were just toying with your emotions.

    Do you guys feel that this is true? Do you care about other people's emotions just as much as your own? Have you been hurt before, but now you feel that you can just circulate that toying mentality so the shit that goes on in the gay dating just kind of perpetuates? Circle of SHIT, that's what I call it.

    What are your thoughts on this, dudes?



    LOL. I honestly don't give much thought about other people's feeling when I'm online and I suppose the same could be said for others when they are dealing with me. I think some people just have thin skin. I think I've proved that with a few characters on here (they know who they are).


    Oh no no no buddy. Online is different, it's not as a big deal when you're talking to a guy who is like half way around the world. But I'm talking about real life as well, a lot of guys just care about their own feelings being hurt and not so much about other people's feelings. I mean if you're gonna reject them, at least do it with some dignity and with some heart.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Oct 18, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    I find alot of gay men to be narcisstic, its a sad truth...or opinion lol
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    Oct 18, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    we can say MOST but not all :/
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    Oct 18, 2011 2:03 AM GMT
    waimea said
    Guy101 said
    waimea saidYes we all know this is true. But I also feel that gay guys are very sensitive to THEIR own feelings and they can give less than a rat's ass about OTHER people's feelings. Some people they can just flirt all they want and do all of these things that will make you think that they like you, yet at the end, they were just toying with your emotions.

    Do you guys feel that this is true? Do you care about other people's emotions just as much as your own? Have you been hurt before, but now you feel that you can just circulate that toying mentality so the shit that goes on in the gay dating just kind of perpetuates? Circle of SHIT, that's what I call it.

    What are your thoughts on this, dudes?



    LOL. I honestly don't give much thought about other people's feeling when I'm online and I suppose the same could be said for others when they are dealing with me. I think some people just have thin skin. I think I've proved that with a few characters on here (they know who they are).


    Oh no no no buddy. Online is different, it's not as a big deal when you're talking to a guy who is like half way around the world. But I'm talking about real life as well, a lot of guys just care about their own feelings being hurt and not so much about other people's feelings. I mean if you're gonna reject them, at least do it with some dignity and with some heart.


    I'm talking in real life as well. Some people just need to buck up and expect some people's response to them to be real and honest. If they aren't interested then they just aren't interested and you just have to deal with that.