Need some relationship advice

  • mrconfused

    Posts: 1

    Oct 17, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    First, this is not a troll thread. I would just prefer not to say my name so I get feed back based on the info given. So to that end, answer if you wish.

    So I have been dating someone for nearly 10 years. This is the first person I ever dated. I dated women most of my life. We do not live together. We dont really have a lot in common. We enjoy a few things together but for the most part, we do not like the same things. We spend most of our time watching tv or just being in the same room together. We stopped having sex a while ago. He has no friends and doesnt really care for mine so there is no other interaction with other people when we are together. When we met, he was very social, we went out, etc. Over the last 5 years he has become more and more isolated socially. I go out alone when I want to go to a bar or something. So even with the limited time I see him, that is often shortened due to his lack of wanting to go out. I even vacation alone. Sometimes we will go a few weeks without seeing each other

    I am not happy. I would like to feel the passion of a relationship again. This feels more forced and like a chore. The problem I have is that I am all he has. All these issues dont seem to effect him. I would have thought he would get sick of it, but apparently not. I know what I need to do, but I think it would crush him. A decade is a long time. I am not even sure what I am asking. I just know I am not happy and cant figure out a way to be happy in this situation.
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    Oct 17, 2011 6:23 AM GMT
    No sex? No going out? That sounds Gawd-awfully boring! Man, when I hear people talk about they stopped having sex, I get jittery. I cannot imagine winding up in a sexless relationship. Even if it's just once a week. But to not have sex at all...neither of you got castrated but obviously one or both is getting it from someone else.

    The fact that he doesn't ever want to go out is another issue. I had a friend who solidly believes that lovers should never go to a bar/club together. That you shouldn't "bring sand to the beach." I always disagree with her on that. Whom are you supposed to go to a bar and club with? Alone and leave your partner free for all?

    I have a client that is in his 40s and his lover have been together for over 20 years. They go to strip bars EVERY WEEK! They have fun looking at guys, they go out, have drinks...and enjoy it.

    You need to give him an ultimatum, which I do to every guy I date when things aren't going the way they should be going. An ultimatum is: either change for the better, improve, show me more love/affection, do more fun things together...or I'm going to have to say goodbye.

    Give him that choice. If he doesn't want to change, perhaps the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on. Do not continue to waste another year with this man as obviously it sounds as the relationship is flaccid.
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:41 PM GMT
    the only thing relevant is that you are unhappy.

    Just tell him.... I am unhappy, and I think the only way to become happy again is to leave you.

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    Oct 17, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    You should tell your boyfriend that you're unhappy and why you're unhappy. You seem to have very specific reasons, so there's obvious solutions: more sex and more quality time together if you two want to stay together or a break up if you don't.

    But you won't know which is best until you talk to him about it.