Ain't nothing wrong with making the first move...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2011 4:57 AM GMT
    I bought this topic up in the past, about how people feel about hitting someone up or waiting for them to hit you up. Many guys are like, "I don't hit guys up, I'm too shy they have to hit me up." Or they don't want to 'put themselves out there' and risk rejection

    Well, the other day I was like you know what, I'm not going to sit here and accept getting hit on by the same guys who have been harassing me (e.g. sending me messages repeatedly when I did not respond to any of their other emails). And I was NOT going to sulk over a few people not responding to my emails

    So I went ahead and messaged a guy I felt was exactly my type. Latin, muscular, tattoos...what more could I have asked for LOL. I also messaged like 2 or 3 other guys that night but don't think I got any responses.

    Well, he responded to my message and we hit it off immediately. We had a BLAST everyday this weekend (which I don't normally do, but he lives in the next state over). I would have never imagined someone liking me as much as he did since I hit him up. And he was a gentleman, I didn't have to run him down or beg for his time. It was as if HE was the one who hit me up first. It was actually better than majority of the guys who have been hitting me up all these months.

    So, if you like what you see...go for it. Don't wait because they might never hit you up.



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    Oct 17, 2011 5:31 AM GMT
    Or they could look at your profile daily, stalk your forum posts, yet never respond icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 17, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    good call..
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:08 PM GMT
    Good post, mochamuscle. Go for what you want or the world will pass you by. Failure is a part of life. Failure is also the best classroom toward getting what you want whether it be pursuing a career or even making the first move and asking a guy out. Steve Jobs said it best in the following speech. http://youtu.be/D1R-jKKp3NA
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:22 PM GMT
    The worst you will get told is no.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Oct 17, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    BAMF saidThe worst you will get told is no.


    +1
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    Oct 17, 2011 12:59 PM GMT
    Good for you mochamuscle! I love that you took control.

    I want be more like that too, but i feel like i'm not ready to be that guy, coz i have some self-image problems.

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    Oct 17, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    CutePete saidGood for you mochamuscle! I love that you took control.

    I want be more like that too, but i feel like i'm not ready to be that guy, coz i have some self-image problems.



    Believe it or not, we all have self-image problems. Most of us anyway...Even the most arrogant, pretty, handsome guys have some form of insecurity about their looks. That's why we wear makeup, we go to the gym, we wear cologne, etc. (yes, I've started wearing makeup now and LOVE it! I only put on just enough to fill my pores though)

    BAMF saidThe worst you will get told is no.


    I mean, it's certainly not easy. When you start doing it in person the rejection can be exasperated. When it happens often enough you can certainly feel like uh oh, what's wrong with me?

    But it's okay. If YOU don't like me, someone else will. SOME BODY.
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    Oct 17, 2011 10:33 PM GMT
    JakeGHK said
    BAMF saidThe worst you will get told is no.


    Or a colorful, badly written reply topped with a block.


    Or no reply at all! Haha
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    Oct 19, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    you guys are awesome, bold men that is what this world needs, i just wish everyone was bold like you guys lolicon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 19, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    I'm still working on this problem. I have to let scars develop over my rejection wounds before I try again. icon_biggrin.gif

    Nothing bad has ever happened to me. I usually just get ignored. I'm not sure that's any better because then my mind just races trying to figure out all of the reasons why I might not be good enough.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Oct 19, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    If you know what you want, speak up.

    If they say 'no', they'd have said 'no' no matter what you did.

    Chemistry is inexplicable. To take 'taste' or 'chemistry' or 'type' personally is ridiculous. You can't change it. So you have to toss your chemical into the mix and see what brews, until you hit a potion that sparks.

    No risk, no win. Speak up boys!
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Oct 19, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidI'm still working on this problem. I have to let scars develop over my rejection wounds before I try again. icon_biggrin.gif

    Nothing bad has ever happened to me. I usually just get ignored. I'm not sure that's any better because then my mind just races trying to figure out all of the reasons why I might not be good enough.


    P.S. - lack of confidence and self-doubt are palpable. They rise off of a guy like 'visible' heat off of pavement, and they just scream "ugh...avoid at all cost". Therapy is somebody else's job, not your boyfriend's. It's hard enough dealing with chewing with your mouth open and not picking up wet towels. Self-esteem issues are not something anybody should be asked to take on.

    You're worth knowing, and you're more than good enough. If anybody thinks otherwise he's an asshole or, simply can't appreciate your flavor. YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE SOMEONE'S TASTE, and you can't change who you are. So aim, fire, and hope for a hit. Bold is far better than doubt. Doubt just sticks to you like shit, I promise. Rinse that shit off and get out there.
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    Oct 19, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    Nice man, glad that you make the effort and it paid off so well. As for me, I never get asked out so long ago decided that if I ever wanted to date I'd have to do the asking. I get shot down plenty, definitely more often than not, but that's alright. Even a professional ball player only gets a hit less than 40 percent of the time.

    I figure that everyone has their type and it's totally fair when I'm not theirs. That isn't any dig on me. I can't help it if I'm not whatever it is that they like. I just hope that one of these days I run into someone who works well with me and we can head off into the sunset together in total happiness.
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    Oct 19, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    YAY! No more bitching about guys being flakes/not approaching you/not responding/being douches/hating denver/hating life/hating guys (did I cover them all)

    But in all seriousness it's about time you took control of your life and made the change you want to see. I hope everything works out for you icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 19, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said
    DudeInNOVA saidI'm still working on this problem. I have to let scars develop over my rejection wounds before I try again. icon_biggrin.gif

    Nothing bad has ever happened to me. I usually just get ignored. I'm not sure that's any better because then my mind just races trying to figure out all of the reasons why I might not be good enough.


    P.S. - lack of confidence and self-doubt are palpable. They rise off of a guy like 'visible' heat off of pavement, and they just scream "ugh...avoid at all cost". Therapy is somebody else's job, not your boyfriend's. It's hard enough dealing with chewing with your mouth open and not picking up wet towels. Self-esteem issues are not something anybody should be asked to take on.

    You're worth knowing, and you're more than good enough. If anybody thinks otherwise he's an asshole or, simply can't appreciate your flavor. YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE SOMEONE'S TASTE, and you can't change who you are. So aim, fire, and hope for a hit. Bold is far better than doubt. Doubt just sticks to you like shit, I promise. Rinse that shit off and get out there.


    I may have given you the wrong impression. I wasn't talking about face-to-face rejection. I don't go to bars or clubs, so direct interaction doesn't happen all that much for me, unfortunately. In my head, when I wrote that, I was thinking more in terms of places like RJ. If my lack of confidence is palpable from a simple e-mail, then I am royally screwed. I don't need therapy from my boyfriend. I just have to get past that invisible barrier of first meeting someone. I'm not good at introducing myself to people as just friends either. I think people view me as a snob because of it.

    And for the record, I don't chew with my mouth open, and I always pick up my towels, wet or dry! icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 19, 2011 6:04 AM GMT
    running11 saidYAY! No more bitching about guys being flakes/not approaching you/not responding/being douches/hating denver/hating life/hating guys (did I cover them all)

    But in all seriousness it's about time you took control of your life and made the change you want to see. I hope everything works out for you icon_smile.gif


    Lol, now hold up now. I've most always been taking control over my life. Even in the dating department I've always generally approached guys. Sometimes it worked, or not.

    But, I have to say honestly; when I look at the best relationships I've had in the past it's been because I hit them up first.

    Yeah, it's true usually guys who hit you up first are less likely to flake. That's because they are going after what they want. So right then and there, the attraction is there. On the flip side, guys who hit people up are more than likely hitting up other guys too. They tend to be the ones with 4 or 5 boyfriends behind your back LOL. Because they are aggressive and always looking.

    Speaking generally here, but majority of the guys who hit me up are never my type anyway. Especially here in Denver, just downright repulsive replies. I don't deserve that. So I said to myself, only way to change is to risk going after what I want.
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    Oct 20, 2011 6:21 AM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said
    P.S. - lack of confidence and self-doubt are palpable. They rise off of a guy like 'visible' heat off of pavement, and they just scream "ugh...avoid at all cost". Therapy is somebody else's job, not your boyfriend's.


    And all friends are therapists to some degree. Especially boyfriends.
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    Oct 20, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    Hey Mochamuscle, you're right.
    I just joined a couple of days ago so I'm pretty green to this.

    Because I'm new I feel really awkward about messaging guys I think seem cool. I mean, they are public profiles, they're on here for people to look at and to get to know each other. So It's not totally creepy to randomly message a guy and say hi, right??
    If you want to talk to a guy, talk him.

    But, if you "hot list" someone, should you message them too, or is that over kill, or is it weird to not message them and just hot list them? Or?... Just wondering.

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    Oct 20, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    Shinaniganery_8 saidBut, if you "hot list" someone, should you message them too, or is that over kill, or is it weird to not message them and just hot list them? Or?... Just wondering.



    It depends on how you use your hot list. If you just use it for people you admire, then you don't need to send them a message. If you really want to talk to those guys, then you should e-mail them instead of hot listing them. Don't expect a response if all you are doing is clicking on them to add them to your list.