Relationship problems (again)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    Hi there. I'd really appreciate some advice into my situation.

    I've been with my current bf for 4 years in November. We don't live together, and due to the fact neither of us drive we only see each other at weekends, but share time off / holidays etc with each other.

    Earlier this year we started having relationship issues. It started with put downs of what i was wearing, that i was fat and had man boobs (I don't btw let me make it clear). He became very addicted to social networking sites (mainly Twitter), to the extent that his phone was never out of his hand and it seemed like conversation with me came second. He'd seemed to lose all interest in me and (I know it was wrong) i snooped on his phone and pc and found lots of gay apps (grindr etc) as well as lots of sex cam sites on his interest history. Now let me make it clear, I have no issue with this as long as a) he's honest about it and b) his interest in these doesn;t replace his interest in me.

    After several weeks of tooing and frooing in March, we seemed to get things back on track, and it improved. I asked him outright several times if he'd been cheating, or wanted to cheat (we are in a monogomous relationship) and he said no. Now he categorically told me he had a low sex drive which was why he didnt find the need to have sex all that often (he even said he didn't masturbate daily even though i knew that wasn't true from the frequency he looked at porn and camsites).

    We moved on and for a while things geniunely got better. It was a signifcant birthday for him a little while ago and I went all out to try to make it a memorable time. Unfortunately, I feel that we're back in the same place now. He's started his put downs of me again (they're all delivered as jokes, but they are too constant and personal to be playing around). Sex has dwindled, and most weeks it's just a bit of mutual masturbation i get, and he makes jokes that I don't last long enough. His attitude has shifted and he geniunely looks pretty bored the majority of the time we spend together. His phone is never out of his hand, and its clear that the new social networking site he is using (it is an innocent site) is more interesting and engaging than trying to talk to me. He's become really possessive of his pc again and seems to panic if I am in the room without him. (I did snoop before, so i can in part understand that, but it makes me thing that he has something to hide).

    I really don't know what to do. I really tried talking to him last time, but he just rages that all of it is in my own head. I am reluctant to try to talk to him, yet in my heart I think I know now he wont change, or even if he does, he'll change back pretty soon. What should I do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2011 1:39 PM GMT
    If you are not happy you owe it to yourself to move on. No one has the right to treat you like crap! That's what's happening here. Where does it say that you have to endure this form of abuse? It's not like you two are living with each other so it's a lot easier for you tell him to "Kick ROCKS"!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16412

    Oct 17, 2011 1:43 PM GMT
    I'm just curious, why doesn't either of you drive?
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 20922

    Oct 17, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI'm just curious, why doesn't either of you drive?

    LOL! That was the biggest question mark I took from the OP as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    @ HK & Courious,

    Considering that neither of them's pretty much a level playing field in respect don't you think? It appears that there are larger issues at hand other than the fact neither of them drives.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2011 3:04 PM GMT
    Hi guys thanks for the advice. lol - i know its weird isn't it! We just don't drive. Haven't needed to until recently. I am learning though lol - that's another thread all on its own.

    I will admit that perhaps we both should limit the teasing, I just know that his 'teasing' reaches the extent that its certainly not funny anymore. Do you think the problem is that he just doesnt' want to be with me anymore, but is either too scared to say or scared of ending up lonely say? How do I get him to tell me what's wrong.
    I just think i can't carry on not knowing really want type of relationship i am being offered here because without really knowing i can't decide if its what i want. i don't want to sound paranoid or untrusting, but i am suspicious - if he's not getting it with me very often, is it really just webcam sites etc that gets the rest of him or possibly worse?
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    Oct 17, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    Sounds like your relationship has gone to shit. I say dump him.

    By the fact of him ignoring you and hurtfully making fun of you, he's probably just too much of a baby to break up with you and instead is waiting for you to end it.