What is wrong with me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    The last three guys I have met on reputable dating sites have all gotten obliteratingly drunk and incapacitated at dinner on either the first or second date. I blame my personality.

    Why I think I have societal worth: I have an earned doctoral degree, I make good money, I am athletic/play sports, I do a lot of community service not pursuant to court orders, and I f'ing love receiving Flyers game updates on my phone when my ass can't be in front of a tv with a beer in my hand.

    Look at my photos, my past RJ posts, this thread ... halpz! I must be doing something wrong in trying to draw in a long termy/raise kids together mate. Halpz is required - make this a good teaching moment and reflect well on the new and improved Zachary Quinto gay scene icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 18, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    I think you're good looking and smart. I would have sex with you. Maybe you're giving off a vibe that you're not fun? Guys our age likes fun. There aren't that many serious like you. You seem very earnest and sincere and most guys our age perceive that as a turnoff.
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    Oct 18, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidThe last three guys I have met on reputable dating sites have all gotten obliteratingly drunk and incapacitated at dinner on either the first or second date. I blame my personality.

    Why I think I have societal worth: I have an earned doctoral degree, I make good money, I am athletic/play sports, I do a lot of community service not pursuant to court orders, and I f'ing love receiving Flyers game updates on my phone when my ass can't be in front of a tv with a beer in my hand.

    Look at my photos, my past RJ posts, this thread ... halpz! I must be doing something wrong in trying to draw in a long termy/raise kids together mate. Halpz is required - make this a good teaching moment and reflect well on the new and improved Zachary Quinto gay scene icon_biggrin.gif


    That whole middle paragraph is irrelevant. If you think it's important you need to renovate your outlook on how to play the game. I'm doing that myself.
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    Oct 18, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    Okay, so I've said this before in other forums, but it bears repeating: Forget about looking for Mr Right. Be Mr. Right.

    As you work on the latter, one thing to consider: There was little in what you posted to tell someone what your values are. It's great that you have a good job, a quality education, etc. But who are you as a person? What sets you apart from others?

    Another question that's interesting to consider: If you were to die tomorrow, what would you want folks to say at your funeral? And what would they actually say? Are the two the same?

    My advice in a nutshell: Relax. Enjoy life. Do right. Don't sweat the details.
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    Oct 18, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    Dude! People get bombed on dates with you because they're drunks. Has nothing to do with your personality. I'm sure it's all good.

    People on even the most reputable dating sites are still a dime a dozen. If you're dating people from the internet, it's best not to take it too seriously. Just have fun with it, and don't expect things to go in any solid direction until you've been seeing eachother awhile. Even if the experience is a disaster, you have a good story to tell. icon_twisted.gif

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    Oct 18, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    Aww. It broke my heart to read that OP, especially considering who it Is from.

    Well bud, In the gay world there are many ways to play the dating game, in which it is not similar to the courtship rituals of the straight dating world. The traditional gender roles do not apply here. In the straight world, the convention is that guys are the aggressor and the ladies are being chased. In the gay world, these rules don't apply: both can be used to play the role of the chasers, or both can be used to play the role of the chasee. Therefore, there isn't a standard to follow. To add more to the confusion, some guys thinks random hookups are the standards while some thinks completely the opposite. When you have a mixture of nonapplicable societal dating standards with potential offsets of dating ritual / belief systems, no wonder gay dating is so screwy.

    My suggestion is that, you need to find your dates from a pool of guys that matches with your values and belief systems. I also feel that with your personality and education background, you probably need to mentally connect with the guy first before you can make physical advancement. Maybe the pre-date conversation had some miscommunication or lack of communication and that's why it didn't turn out to be a success. My personal opinion is that I do not think there is anything wrong with you, but perhaps your dating strategy is misapplied. Because I think you've got a lot of good stuff to offer. icon_biggrin.gif

    ...and no, I'm not just saying that to be nice. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2011 5:31 AM GMT
    How long after you meet the guys on reputable dating sites do you wait to go on a date? Maybe you could send messages or chat/skype a few times before going out to weed out the undesirables.
    These guys might be nervous or intimidated. Maybe they're not necessarily drunks, just have poor coping skills. Silver lining.
    The third option is that alcoholics like you. If you learn to tell which guys are alcoholics before you go out on a date, you won't have to deal with these bad dates any more.

    spaghettimonster saidI f'ing love receiving Flyers game updates on my phone when my ass can't be in front of a tv with a beer in my hand.

    This may be your problem Stop watching the Flyers icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidThe last three guys I have met on reputable dating sites have all gotten obliteratingly drunk and incapacitated at dinner on either the first or second date. I blame my personality.


    YOU LIVE IN AUSTIN, TEXAS! It wouldn't be it without alcohol.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 18, 2011 7:51 AM GMT
    Why not put in your profile-no drinkers no drugs???

    Better yet use your personality and meet men in real life.icon_idea.gif