I Fell For Him...And Hard

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    Oct 18, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    So I recently came back from visiting a good friend who just moved away. We have a little history between us (one incident before we were even really friends) but nothing since then other than a little bit of playful flirting, but he has always intrigued me. There's a certain charm and sexiness he has that attracts both men and women, but he's so down to earth and smart and cool, but it was pretty evident that he wanted to just stay at the friend level which at first was hard but as time went on I started to appreciate our friendship more and more.

    So the 4 days were great. Great food, company, etc., but the 4 days together really made me think about what could have been, or rather what I wish was. We shared a bed and waking up to his beautiful face resting on my shoulder, and his smell, and the way he would tease me, or the way he would touch me leg when we sat next to each other just brought all of those old emotions back. Believe me, if he didn't have a boyfriend I would have been in heaven, but it was so hard being so close to someone that you knew would never be yours.

    As I was unpacking my bag yesterday I noticed how my clothes smelled like the lavender in his room. All I could do to hold back the tears was put the clothes in the hamper. I guess the good thing is that I'll be moving soon, and while I will miss him immensely maybe the physical distance will really help these feelings go away. Time to listen to sad music now as the rain beats against my window.
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    Oct 18, 2011 10:30 PM GMT
    awe... icon_sad.gif

    I have a similar story.
    I went and visited a guy that I've been talking to since this year.
    we have grown closer and our relationship has deepen, but yet our relationship is still undefined.

    But anyways, ALL my clothes smell like his apartment... takes me back icon_sad.gif

    damn i miss him ALOT!
    You're not alone.
  • ATXnative

    Posts: 240

    Oct 18, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    Give a couple weeks, a couple dates, write down how you feel.. maybe address a letter, but don't send it. This too shall pass.
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    Oct 18, 2011 10:39 PM GMT
    FannyBandit saidGive a couple weeks, a couple dates, write down how you feel.. maybe address a letter, but don't send it. This too shall pass.


    I just wanted to post here to show Fanny Bandit that I am in deed EVERYWHERE!
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    Oct 18, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    FannyBandit saidGive a couple weeks, a couple dates, write down how you feel.. maybe address a letter, but don't send it. This too shall pass.


    I just wanted to post here to show Fanny Bandit that I am in deed EVERYWHERE!

    Step away from the computer, son.
    Take a vacation. Without electronics.
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    Oct 18, 2011 10:45 PM GMT
    waimea said
    Chainers said
    FannyBandit saidGive a couple weeks, a couple dates, write down how you feel.. maybe address a letter, but don't send it. This too shall pass.


    I just wanted to post here to show Fanny Bandit that I am in deed EVERYWHERE!

    Step away from the computer, son.
    Take a vacation. Without electronics.


    Bitch I will cut you.

    I have been posting a lot lately...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2011 10:49 PM GMT
    The smell on the clothes is and should be comforting. Accept and feel.your feelings instead of repressing them. Acknowlege them and things will get better. Its about perspective- and if you feel the need to write it down and send it (or even not send it) then do that.

    Closure is the way to healing. Remember that because without closure it will haunt you with what ifs and what couldve been
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    Oct 18, 2011 11:09 PM GMT
    herdthosecats.png
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    Oct 19, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    running11 saidThe smell on the clothes is and should be comforting. Accept and feel.your feelings instead of repressing them. Acknowlege them and things will get better. Its about perspective- and if you feel the need to write it down and send it (or even not send it) then do that.

    Closure is the way to healing. Remember that because without closure it will haunt you with what ifs and what couldve been


    The smell is comforting. I actually have the t-shirt in the bed with me now, lol and I've already written him a letter. It's amazing how writing things down can make you feel a little better. I actually wrote two versions. One in which I really just pour everything out and let him know how I really feel, and the other saying how much I'll miss him and appreciate him as a friend. Out of respect for his current relationship I'll probably give him the second one. As much as I would like to tell him how I feel I have to respect certain boundaries.

    He'll be coming back one more time before I go to the states so I'll see him one last time. I'm sure the tears will flow but that's ok. As you said, accept the feelings instead of repressing them. And even if we're never "together" at least out of all this I will have gained a wonderful friend.
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    Oct 19, 2011 1:17 AM GMT
    FannyBandit saidGive a couple weeks, a couple dates, write down how you feel.. maybe address a letter, but don't send it. This too shall pass.


    Thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2011 6:14 AM GMT
    Been there. Sounds like a good cathartic release is necessary.

    Buy this,

    adele-21-2011-back-cover-63812.jpg

    and this,

    tub.jpg

    Have at least one night alone with both of these every week. You'll be good in a couple months.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2011 10:52 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidBeen there. Sounds like a good cathartic release is necessary.

    Buy this,

    adele-21-2011-back-cover-63812.jpg

    and this,

    tub.jpg

    Have at least one night alone with both of these every week. You'll be couple in a couple months.



    Now that sounds like a good idea.
  • bostonboy516

    Posts: 36

    Oct 20, 2011 11:33 AM GMT
    Ugh I have a story like that. Met this guy who said wanted to date me, we hung out a few times, then he fell off the face of the earth (saying he had "personal problems"), then in the meantime we started seeing different people. My relationship didn't work out (I was basically seeing someone else to try and get over him), his relationship did work, and i still liked him a lot. He definitely kept me on the back burner.. he would pay me pay for shit,I helped him move into school like 4 hours away, once he was at school he had me edit schoolwork for him, etc. He knew i would say yes to anything because I liked him so much. Anyway, his bf moved away to TX and he said he wanted to date me and that his feelings for me started coming back a while ago. I was soooo freaking happy. Then literally just a week later, i noticed he wasn't responding to texts or anything. Then I log onto facebook one day and the first story on my newsfeed is: "going to try the long distance thing" and he was in a relationship with the bf who had just moved away. I was sooo hurt/angry and felt so stupid that i got jerked around like that. All he said was that his bf "presented a good case" and he wanted to give it a shot. I kind of had to say, "Well, I hope i works out because I'm not going to be there for you to fall back on anymore. Have a good life. Delete my number, I don't wanna hear from you". (Oh, and i forgot to mention, that this kid made a condition: if I kept working out and gaining weight, he would be more motivated to date me. Who the FUCK says that to someone they supposedly "like".)

    It really really sucked cutting someone I liked so much out of my life, but I kind of had to do it. I was just feeling constantly hurt and rejected. I was sooo sad when I cut off contact with him, and still am to some extent. But trust me, it gets better. The guy who visited seems nice, but just be careful.. you don't want someone who teases you and keeps you on the back burner like that. But yeah, my point is: it gets better! Go out an meet other people, talk to other guys on here, do whatever you have to do. But try not to sit a wallow in sadness about it. That'll only make it worse.
    Hope you feel better soon! :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2011 11:50 AM GMT
    I felt much the same. Ended a long term relationship. By chance met this guy. fell hard. His tshirt on my bed made me feel great. Living together now. You will never know until you try. You can either look back and say at least I tried and it did or didn't work out, or you can look back and wonder what would have happened.

    If it feels right and makes you happy, go for it. Even if it just remains a close friendship, at least you have something between you that brought you happiness. It truly is a wonderful thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    a guy i was dating sent me his (and my) fave t-shirt. it lies, unopened, on my bed. i'm thinking of opening it just 2 so i can smell his aroma....
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    Oct 20, 2011 9:59 PM GMT
    bostonboy516 said
    It really really sucked cutting someone I liked so much out of my life, but I kind of had to do it. I was just feeling constantly hurt and rejected. I was sooo sad when I cut off contact with him, and still am to some extent. But trust me, it gets better. The guy who visited seems nice, but just be careful.. you don't want someone who teases you and keeps you on the back burner like that. But yeah, my point is: it gets better! Go out an meet other people, talk to other guys on here, do whatever you have to do. But try not to sit a wallow in sadness about it. That'll only make it worse.
    Hope you feel better soon! :-)


    I've been there. Good luck to you dude.
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    Oct 25, 2011 3:37 PM GMT
    bostonboy516 saidUgh I have a story like that. Met this guy who said wanted to date me, we hung out a few times, then he fell off the face of the earth (saying he had "personal problems"), then in the meantime we started seeing different people. My relationship didn't work out (I was basically seeing someone else to try and get over him), his relationship did work, and i still liked him a lot. He definitely kept me on the back burner.. he would pay me pay for shit,I helped him move into school like 4 hours away, once he was at school he had me edit schoolwork for him, etc. He knew i would say yes to anything because I liked him so much. Anyway, his bf moved away to TX and he said he wanted to date me and that his feelings for me started coming back a while ago. I was soooo freaking happy. Then literally just a week later, i noticed he wasn't responding to texts or anything. Then I log onto facebook one day and the first story on my newsfeed is: "going to try the long distance thing" and he was in a relationship with the bf who had just moved away. I was sooo hurt/angry and felt so stupid that i got jerked around like that. All he said was that his bf "presented a good case" and he wanted to give it a shot. I kind of had to say, "Well, I hope i works out because I'm not going to be there for you to fall back on anymore. Have a good life. Delete my number, I don't wanna hear from you". (Oh, and i forgot to mention, that this kid made a condition: if I kept working out and gaining weight, he would be more motivated to date me. Who the FUCK says that to someone they supposedly "like".)

    It really really sucked cutting someone I liked so much out of my life, but I kind of had to do it. I was just feeling constantly hurt and rejected. I was sooo sad when I cut off contact with him, and still am to some extent. But trust me, it gets better. The guy who visited seems nice, but just be careful.. you don't want someone who teases you and keeps you on the back burner like that. But yeah, my point is: it gets better! Go out an meet other people, talk to other guys on here, do whatever you have to do. But try not to sit a wallow in sadness about it. That'll only make it worse.
    Hope you feel better soon! :-)


    Thanks for the advice. It's been getting better. I told the friend how I felt about him, not expecting him to say that he felt the same way, but just because I needed some closure and if we were going to continue to be friends I had to tell him. He was totally cool about it. And then I talked to one of my good friends who was able to help me put things in perspective. She said, "As for your friend, I think it's good for you that you lived that experience. Even if you know he's not the one for you, it's really important to know what your dream guy should make you FEEL like. Knowing clearly how you want to feel with that person, how you want to make them feel, what's really important to you with that special someone, what are absolute deal breakers...all of these things will help you get a really clear and grounded vision of what you want to create the rest of your life to look, sound, feel and taste like!" After that I was like, she's right. And since then things have been a lot easier. Thank God for great friends.
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    Oct 27, 2011 2:32 AM GMT
    And the end. I saw that special friend for the last time before moving away today. It was a little awkward at first, but after about 10 minutes it was the same great friendship. We even did a little shopping together. He told me that I should stop saying so many nice things, I called him a horrible little frenchman, and then we gave each other a big hug with a few looks back as we walked away. No regrets!!!
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    Oct 27, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidBeen there. Sounds like a good cathartic release is necessary.

    Buy this,

    adele-21-2011-back-cover-63812.jpg

    and this,

    tub.jpg

    Have at least one night alone with both of these every week. You'll be good in a couple months.



    Now why wasn't that album available a couple of years ago when I had my first heartbreak. But I swear if I hear anything Adele ever again I will punch a wall!
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    Oct 27, 2011 9:31 AM GMT
    Gosh that got me feeling a little giddy inside haha.
    It's good though that things ended really well between you two. Good to know that even though you may not be with him, at least in the future you will still be good friends.