Anyone currently in a LDR?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    Are there any guys here who are in a long distance relationship right now with anyone? And by that I mean seeing each other regularly, not someone that you been dating online for 12 months and never met yet LOL.

    There's a possibility I may be considering one myself. It's not too far, the trip can be done in less than a day. What would you consider to be the challenges and benefits of being in one? Are you in an open relationship with the other person?

    How can it feel like a relationship if you're not seeing each other every week, but rather maybe once or twice a month?
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    Oct 19, 2011 10:04 PM GMT
    mochamuscle saidAre there any guys here who are in a long distance relationship right now with anyone? And by that I mean seeing each other regularly, not someone that you been dating online for 12 months and never met yet LOL.

    There's a possibility I may be considering one myself. It's not too far, the trip can be done in less than a day. What would you consider to be the challenges and benefits of being in one? Are you in an open relationship with the other person?

    How can it feel like a relationship if you're not seeing each other every week, but rather maybe once or twice a month?


    I am in a LDR. I go to Los Angeles every Thurs/Fri- Sun to spend there with him.

    The benefits of being in one, I personally feel, are that you get to spend the time together on a regular basis but you also have the time to have space and your own "time". It keeps things fresh, fun, and it makes spending time together that much more fun.

    The negatives of it are, for me, leaving. I'm terrible at saying goodbye and I hate leaving. I dislike being home/at work much more now that I am in the relationship because I wish to be there. Also emotions over text and phone conversations can be very hard to express.

    HELL NO am I in an open relationship. Never.

    And I can't answer the last question because I go there every week.

    I do have to ask tho- didn't you JUST post about meeting this guy who's a little bit away from you? So wouldn't it be just a little too soon to be starting a relationship? Just food for thought.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Oct 20, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    It depends on both of you and your circumstances. If you're both need distance with benefits, it's awesome. You can explore each others cities when you visit each other and be great friends with benefits. If you're looking for constant intimacy, obviously it's not going to last for long.
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    Oct 20, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    running11 saidThe benefits of being in one, I personally feel, are that you get to spend the time together on a regular basis but you also have the time to have space and your own "time". It keeps things fresh, fun, and it makes spending time together that much more fun.

    The negatives of it are, for me, leaving. I'm terrible at saying goodbye and I hate leaving.


    Agree.
    The time apart is both an advantage and a challenge.
    It allows two very different guys to get along without killing each other.
    But there'll be nights like this when it's cold and rainy and you want to snuggle up, but your 6' heat source is 500 miles away.

    It works for secure, independent types.
    But maybe not over the long term....someone is gonna be expected to move eventually.
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    Oct 20, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    Beaux said
    running11 saidThe benefits of being in one, I personally feel, are that you get to spend the time together on a regular basis but you also have the time to have space and your own "time". It keeps things fresh, fun, and it makes spending time together that much more fun.

    The negatives of it are, for me, leaving. I'm terrible at saying goodbye and I hate leaving.


    Agree.
    The time apart is both an advantage and a challenge.
    It allows two very different guys to get along without killing each other.
    But there'll be nights like this when it's cold and rainy and you want to snuggle up, but your 6' heat source is 500 miles away.

    It works for secure, independent types.
    But maybe not over the long term....someone is gonna be expected to move eventually.


    That is so true. It's killer on me to leave... i always allow myself 24 hours to wallow in self pity haha. Luckily my bf understands. But at some point something is gonna have to change. Thanks for bringing up that point.
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    Oct 20, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    running11 said
    I do have to ask tho- didn't you JUST post about meeting this guy who's a little bit away from you? So wouldn't it be just a little too soon to be starting a relationship? Just food for thought.


    Well we have to start somewhere! LOL. We hung out everyday this past weekend and I have not met a guy in months who I've been able to hangout with everyday and really feel the attraction grow. It was just there.

    He mentioned that he has the ability to move where ever with his job. He also travels a lot himself as well. So that's why I think we've both been considering it.

    It's just honestly, running...I have not been able to meet much of anyone here (around my age or at the very least, in their 20s) that I've really been able to connect with and both really enjoy each other's company and actually WANT to do things with.

    Way I see it, I can either see someone occasionally that I really like albeit out of state, or I can continue wasting my time with these guys here in hopes of something will happen.

    barriehomeboy saidIt depends on both of you and your circumstances. If you're both need distance with benefits, it's awesome. You can explore each others cities when you visit each other and be great friends with benefits. If you're looking for constant intimacy, obviously it's not going to last for long.


    LOL, But why it gotta be like that? I don't just want to have friends with benefits. I can get that at home. I do get that at home and also have that at home. But I'm not really 100% attractive to them and they aren't really my type. icon_neutral.gif
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    Oct 20, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidIt depends on both of you and your circumstances. If you're both need distance with benefits, it's awesome. You can explore each others cities when you visit each other and be great friends with benefits. If you're looking for constant intimacy, obviously it's not going to last for long.


    I don't think it has to be like that at all.

    And good for you for making decisions based on what's best for you.
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    Oct 20, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    My first boyfriend and I were long distance... not an incredibly long distance, a few hours drive between my city in Florida and his in Georgia, but still... enough that seeing each other every day was impractical. As others have said, there are upsides and downsides. If you're the kind of person who needs your space, then long distance is ideal. The time during the week apart builds anticipation and makes the time together on weekends that much more special. If you're someone who craves constant intimacy (some couples need to be up in each other's business constantly) then it'll be harder.

    The main obstacle in this kind of relationship is trust, though. You have to trust the other person more than you would if you were constantly in their presence. And not just about faithfulness or something like that. My boyfriend was somewhat insecure (one of those who would always say "You're out of my league" and so forth) so he didn't really trust that I did all I could to come see him when I could. You need a pretty solid understanding of one another, and pretty good self-confidence and maturity, for this kind of arrangement to work.
  • HndsmKansan

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    Oct 20, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    My partner and I are long distance.. its about 100 miles. We see each other every other weekend. It has its challenges, certainly. Hasn't always been this way, but we are on the phone at least once a day, 99% of the time. We don't plan to always have it this way.
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    Oct 20, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    My bf is 5 hours away. It's going great for now. Been at it at 2 years. We see an end to the distance, so we are both happy :-)

    For me, I'm always working. It will be a change when we live in the same city, I suspect he will want me around more.

    Def no open relationship for us. He doesn't want to share me, and I don't like guys hitting on him haha.

    Honestly, it works for some, it doesn't for others. My ex was LDR as well as I move away for work. We gave it a shot and the distance made us distance. My current LDR is nothing like that. I visit as much as he does and we make the best of our time together. That's what really matters.
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    Oct 20, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    simple_collision saidMy bf is 5 hours away. It's going great for now. Been at it at 2 years. We see an end to the distance, so we are both happy :-)

    For me, I'm always working. It will be a change when we live in the same city, I suspect he will want me around more.

    Def no open relationship for us. He doesn't want to share me, and I don't like guys hitting on him haha.

    Honestly, it works for some, it doesn't for others. My ex was LDR as well as I move away for work. We gave it a shot and the distance made us distance. My current LDR is nothing like that. I visit as much as he does and we make the best of our time together. That's what really matters.


    This is what I was saying icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 20, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    I agree with running11. Just to add, the worst part is leaving.

    When I'm in Toronto, I have 4 hour drive where I do nothing but drive and think. It makes me anxious and not feel well by the time I get home. When I get home it's usually dark and I'm headed for sleep and I realize how much I miss him.

    When he comes up, I never let him leave Sunday. He goes home Monday the same time I head to work. He usually makes it so he works from 1-9 in the afternoon so that when he leaves I'm on my way to work. One time he left Sunday night, and I didn't sleep because I was (a) worried he was driving home so late and (b) I just missed him so damn much I couldn't sleep icon_sad.gif

  • waccamatt

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    Oct 20, 2011 2:18 AM GMT
    I just verified tonight that a guy I've been seeing long distance lied to me 2 times he was supposed to come see me in the last 2 months. As soon as he calls me back tonight I'm cutting it off with him. Arrrrgh, I'm so pissed. This doesn't mean anything about the OP's post, but I just needed to vent. icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 20, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    Unfortunately I have to ask the question: How long has running11 done this? How long have the two of you been together?

    long distance is not to be confused with long term.
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    Oct 20, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    I'm currently in a LDR (San Fran and Phoenix) for a few months now

    we dated for about 7 months before I had to move away for grad school

    Definitely tough, but we try to see each other every other week.
    I actually find the weekend that we don't see each other a good time to catch up with some of the new friends I've made here, do errands and house stuff, and lots of studying.

    ...and since we're both so busy with our own grad programs, before we know it, we're together again! Definitely gives you something to look forward to, and also about 2 weeks to plan amazing weekends for each other icon_smile.gif

    Definitely helps if you guys are on the same network or something (in regards to calling each other frequently throughout the day)

    Sadly...he's on AT&T and I'm on Verizon, so we stick to txting and skype until 9pm lol

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    Oct 20, 2011 5:23 AM GMT
    I'm in an LDR right now (GA to NV) I moved to Las Vegas after we were dating for about 4 months. It is the hardest way to be in a relationship, some people can maintain relationships from a distance and some people can't. At the end of the day I think it comes down to communication, trust and (at some point) an understanding that it isn't a permanent situation. Don't be afraid to take it slow, better not to rush things and develop hard feelings if it doesn't work.
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    Oct 20, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    waccamatt saidI just verified tonight that a guy I've been seeing long distance lied to me 2 times he was supposed to come see me in the last 2 months. As soon as he calls me back tonight I'm cutting it off with him. Arrrrgh, I'm so pissed. This doesn't mean anything about the OP's post, but I just needed to vent. icon_sad.gif


    Oh trust me, I've been through it. Had 1 guy this year do that to me and we stopped seeing each other. Promises and promises to come see me failed. He was jolly as a bear to have me come to town and visit, but when time for him to come see me, he can't do it.

    What makes this scenario different is THIS guy came to my town. Now, he came with a friend and I just so happened to meet him while he was here, so it wasn't as though he came specifically for me.

    But, sometimes that's just how it is. I wouldn't expect someone to come here specifically for me if we haven't met yet as I wouldn't do it for them due to the possibility of them flaking out.
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    Oct 20, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    cauzaseen saidI'm in an LDR right now (GA to NV) I moved to Las Vegas after we were dating for about 4 months.


    Dang, that's far! How do you all do it? Do you have buddy passes for free flights or something? That's what I want to know from Running. I mean, how do you do it? How do you feel involved with this person when once you're 2,000 miles away...you can pretty much do whatever behind their backs? I have a hard time fathoming it LOL.

    I figure if I do a LDR, it has to be 1 day driving distance. You know, in case something comes up and I have to be in town right away. I have a hard time coming up with flight money ahead of time especially when I don't know if the person is going to flake.

    Then again, I guess distance is only as far as technology allows. I'm sure before cars, 20 miles was a roadtrip. So if I buy a jet, I can date anyone anywhere.
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    Oct 20, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    Yep in one... I live in the UK and he lives in Slovakia....and we've been together just over 3 years.

    Two rules:
    1. we see each other a minimum of once a month; and
    2. we are monogamous.

    As others have said it has its pros and cons. Leaving is difficult irrespective of whether its a long weekend or a week (like now.. been here since last Friday and leaving on Sunday). And there have been many times where things have been misunderstood in sms's, emails or telephone calls, but you work it out.

    We speak to each other every day, send emails and end each evening with a video-con on Skype (unless one of us is out late). To keep it alive you have to have to improvise what would happen in a relationship where you lived in the same city or lived together...it's not ideal, but it could be a whole lot worse!

    It works because we make it work and we knew what we were getting into when we met... so neither of us can complain now about it icon_wink.gif (of course we can and we do and then we move on). And one thing I can say is that the time we spend together is quality time because we know it's sooooo limited.

    It's not for everyone, but it works for us... and as for the future... who the hell knows... we're living for the moment and the future will take of itself!!!!
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    Oct 20, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    Oooo, reading all this makes the prospect not seem so long distance after all LOL. People dating in other countries, states across the country...whew!
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    Oct 21, 2011 2:52 AM GMT
    Mocha i work for delta so i fly everywhere free. Just landed in los Angeles bitches! ;)
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    Oct 21, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    running11 saidMocha i work for delta so i fly everywhere free. Just landed in los Angeles bitches! ;)


    MMMhmmm. I knew there had to be a catch 22. Non-airline workers can't do that icon_mad.gif
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    Jan 24, 2012 11:36 PM GMT

    My man and I have been in a LDR since July '11. So far so good. He lives in Tallahassee and I live in Las Vegas. We get together about once a month for a few days up to a week at a time. We talk and text several times a day. It can be a bit difficult since he works days, I work nights and we are in time zones 3 hours apart, but we make it work. Yea, it can get lonely, but we make our time count when we are together. We have had phone sex a few times and that keeps things interesting.

    Open relationship? HELL NO. We are committed to each other. We talk about pretty much everything.

    It takes a special person to be able to do this. You have to be independent, mature and committed to make this situation work. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of patience.

    We have long term plans for the future and remind each other all the time how strong our feelings are and that we WILL endure.

    We both have certain obligations which prevent us starting a life together but those obligations will expire in about 2 years or so, at which time we intend on moving together.
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    Jan 24, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    LVmotoJock said
    My man and I have been in a LDR since July '11. So far so good. He lives in Tallahassee and I live in Las Vegas. We get together about once a month for a few days up to a week at a time. We talk and text several times a day. It can be a bit difficult since he works days, I work nights and we are in time zones 3 hours apart, but we make it work. Yea, it can get lonely, but we make our time count when we are together. We have had phone sex a few times and that keeps things interesting.

    Open relationship? HELL NO. We are committed to each other. We talk about pretty much everything.

    It takes a special person to be able to do this. You have to be independent, mature and committed to make this situation work. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of patience.

    We have long term plans for the future and remind each other all the time how strong our feelings are and that we WILL endure.

    We both have certain obligations which prevent us starting a life together but those obligations will expire in about 2 years or so, at which time we intend on moving together.


    This is so romantic. Dude, good luck to you guys!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Jan 24, 2012 11:53 PM GMT
    I constantly find myself in an TL;DR situation...does that count?