ZbmwM5 saidI mean if it floats your boat, why not?
It's not for everyone, I certainly couldn't put up with more than one person.... lol. I barely have a desire to be in a relationship at all (with one person), let alone with two people!
I'm curious what the OP feels the appeal is.... of having two partners? I dont get it.... but I'm open to hearing more if he wants to share?
Thanks for your posts.
To answer your question I am intrigued about what others have done to make it work.
Four years ago when my late spouse and I (at the time 14 years into our relationship together) met our "third" partner it was, at first, just "fun". However overtime our feelings started to develop more deeply.
It was because my hubby and I had such open and honest communication we were able to discuss our growing feelings. It was foreign to us (how could we have feelings develop for another individual without it impacting our feelings for each other) but we decided to just let things unfold organically; no expectations on where it might lead as long as we continued to communicate our feelings about what was happening. What we found is that we both started to fall in love with our "play mate". Over time he became our equal partner (as in comingling of finance; purchasing real estate with all three on title; etc).
I fully get that this isn't for everyone (much like while my vegetarianism is right for me I think others have to determine their own path) but it worked for us and all of our lives were more richly blessed as a result of our time together.
I expect that we would have proven Dan Savage wrong, about lengthy anniversaries, had my hubby not succumbed to his brain tumour just over a year ago. Incidentally he told his dearest friend while he was dying, on the palliative care unit, that he brought the third into our lives because he knew, with a brain tumour diagnosis 7 years earlier, that he wouldn't live into old age and wanted to make sure I would have someone to continue loving and that would love me (talk about selfless behaviour!) What a treasure he was to have in my life for those 17 years.
Another thing is that I am interested how others have overcome insecurities that may have arisen. They do come up once in a while but I found through open and honest communication that was mitigated.
Jealousy is not something that was an issue yet almost everyone seems to think it must be. It was the number question we would get along the lines of "don't you feel jealous that your partner loves someone else"? In fact, IMHO, it is the antithesis of jealousy that develops in a polyamorous relationship, that being compersion. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion
While there are jokes in the poly community about things like "Having your Kate and Edith too" there are some rather concrete attempts to explain it to those that don't think it's possible. For example, if you compare it to parents having their first child and the immense love they have for that child. Upon having their second child they don't think "Oh I am going to have to take some of the love I have for this first child to give to this second child". Naturally they just develop a new love for their second child that doesn't in anyway diminish their love for their first child. Loving more than one primary partner is much like that, it is a new love that doesn't change or displace the love one has for their other partner.
Incidentally, I've seen it said a number of times on RJ boards, typically in discussions about open-relationships, that poly relationships are a "gay thing". You may be interested to know that one of my sisters is in a poly relationship with her loving husband of 2 decades; her primary boyfriend (who is also married to another woman); and a secondary boyfriend. It is not just a "gay thing".