is hooking up ever a good idea

  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Oct 20, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    im always so nervous and then after they don't call me...but i understand cuz im a trick and it was a one time thing. but i feel like its just not worth it. Thoughts? opinions?
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    Oct 20, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    I thought you had a boyfriend... What happened to that guy?

    And it really depends on your personality whether or not tricking is fun/a good idea. If you're going to trick, it should be because you're having a good time and enjoying yourself. If it's for some other reason - like meeting an emotional need - you probably should do some reflecting.

    For myself, I know that I'm not the tricking kind of person. More power to the guys who can sleep around - you won't get any judgment from me on that. But for me, I know that in the past when I was having my slut moments it wasn't because I was enjoying myself, it was because at the time I was lonely. And if you're going to be a trick, you should be one because it's fun in itself.
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    Oct 20, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    It's up to each individual. If you are looking for something more serious and/or you will be hurt if a guy never speaks to you again, you shouldn't hook up.

    You gotta go into hook ups with the mindset that it won't progress any further than that night and that you most likely won't get a call or asked on a date with this guy. If you can accept that and still want to hook up, then go ahead and make sure you are SAFE!
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    Oct 20, 2011 1:17 PM GMT
    KSUOWL saidIt's up to each individual. If you are looking for something more serious and/or you will be hurt if a guy never speaks to you again, you shouldn't hook up.

    You gotta go into hook ups with the mindset that it won't progress any further than that night and that you most likely won't get a call or asked on a date with this guy. If you can accept that and still want to hook up, then go ahead and make sure you are SAFE!


    100% agreement.
    And if it develops into a friendship or more (that does happen on the rarest of occasions), consider yourself lucky!
  • jaxsurfer

    Posts: 83

    Oct 20, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    [quote]

    100% agreement.
    And if it develops into a friendship or more (that does happen on the rarest of occasions), consider yourself lucky![/quote]

    I guess I'm really lucky then because I can count on one hand the amount of times it didn't develop into a friendship or more.
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    Oct 20, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    I agree with Larkin... some people enjoy tricking.. others dont...
  • tgrissom0312

    Posts: 91

    Oct 20, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    Just gotta say that its a great idea from time to time.

    Every so often I get so horny that its hard to concentrate. I much prefer to have a bf so I get man-love everyday but that's not always available.

    I had a guy from out of town over a few days ago. He was exactly what I needed. 6'3, well built, really firm ass, a sweet but aggressive guy. drool...

    I just try not to make a habit out of it.
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    Oct 20, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    I don't ever see a reason to think that hooking up is a bad idea. You're an adult making an adult decision to participate in an adult activity... what's wrong with that? Even if you were hooking up several times a day/week/month/whatever, it's your prerogative, and anyone who tells you otherwise is either a self-shaming hypocrite or quick to judge, both of which are people I wouldn't want to surround myself with anyway.

    I've always considered hooking up to be a "to each their own" mindset. If you like sex and can compartmentalize sex and emotional attachment in a HEALTHY way, you're all set. But if you truly seek out something deeper and more meaningful from every person you meet, then maybe hooking up really isn't up your alley.

    Some of my greatest and longest lasting friendships have come out of past hookups. Some of my biggest heartbreaks, too. But you have to be open to all possibilities.
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    Oct 20, 2011 3:12 PM GMT
    I believe its good for u if u r stressed ... but doing it too much isn't good cuz u might catch something
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    Oct 20, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    rogerfederer saidim always so nervous and then after they don't call me...but i understand cuz im a trick and it was a one time thing. but i feel like its just not worth it. Thoughts? opinions?


    That all depends on you and how you go about hooking up with folks. You just called yourself a trick so that pretty much explains the overall outcome of things for you. Act like a trick and like a trick you get dealt like or so they say.

    As for hooking up in general goes it's as good as you wanna make it and as bad as you allow it to be. If you have a good mindset and aren't the clingy/stalker/emotional type then you shouldn't have any problems at all. No matter what, though, you should always be mature and responsible in your decision to do such a thing and you should always play safe no matter who it's with.

    Have fun and be safe.
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    Oct 20, 2011 3:30 PM GMT
    i'm one of those weird people that can't have sex with someone unless i actually care about them. so never had a hook up..and not planning on it anytime soon. but some people can do it and just brush it off and continue with their day. more power to them.
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    Oct 20, 2011 3:33 PM GMT
    Haha, sometimes it happens. You've just got to know that if you're going to hookup, you shouldn't have any emotional attachments to the other person. It sounds pretty skanky... but it's probably cos it is icon_razz.gif
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    Oct 20, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    I would advice you not to hook up. When you are naked and intimate with someone, you are at your most vulnerable, most passionate. Wouldn't you rather save that for someone special who you date, instead of a guy who takes it for granted in one night of sex?

    I wouldn't judge anyone who does hook up...so If you do, cool. but because of your question, I'm thinking you feel the same as i do.
  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Oct 20, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidI thought you had a boyfriend... What happened to that guy?

    And it really depends on your personality whether or not tricking is fun/a good idea. If you're going to trick, it should be because you're having a good time and enjoying yourself. If it's for some other reason - like meeting an emotional need - you probably should do some reflecting.

    For myself, I know that I'm not the tricking kind of person. More power to the guys who can sleep around - you won't get any judgment from me on that. But for me, I know that in the past when I was having my slut moments it wasn't because I was enjoying myself, it was because at the time I was lonely. And if you're going to be a trick, you should be one because it's fun in itself.


    we broke up blah blah cuz i think he wanted to date girls...less drama
  • Jaxom

    Posts: 118

    Oct 21, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    I don't think so. Even if it's just a friend with benefits type thing, I need something more than just a fuck. Though, I've ruined quite a few friendships when things got sexual.
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    Oct 21, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    One time hook ups can be fun but when someone falls for the other person, that's when things go wrong, I don't know why I run into all the crazies, hahaha, cuz after we hook up and we clearly state that it's going to be a one-time thing, they drunk text me for months afterwards saying things like I still need u! icon_confused.gif WTF!!
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    Oct 21, 2011 2:54 AM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidI thought you had a boyfriend... What happened to that guy?

    And it really depends on your personality whether or not tricking is fun/a good idea. If you're going to trick, it should be because you're having a good time and enjoying yourself. If it's for some other reason - like meeting an emotional need - you probably should do some reflecting.

    For myself, I know that I'm not the tricking kind of person. More power to the guys who can sleep around - you won't get any judgment from me on that. But for me, I know that in the past when I was having my slut moments it wasn't because I was enjoying myself, it was because at the time I was lonely. And if you're going to be a trick, you should be one because it's fun in itself.


    I agreed with Larkin... the times I have done in my past were out of pure loneliness, and everything, right aftewards... I would feel like shit because there was not that emotional connection or bond between the two of us. I want someone special who is going to make out with me, go to the bedroom, and then cuddle for hours talking about life.... guys like those are keepers... and then we'd fall asleep in each other's arms.
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    Oct 21, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    Read a book called "The Velvet Rage" and then ask yourself this question....
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    Oct 21, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    KSUOWL saidIt's up to each individual. If you are looking for something more serious and/or you will be hurt if a guy never speaks to you again, you shouldn't hook up.

    You gotta go into hook ups with the mindset that it won't progress any further than that night and that you most likely won't get a call or asked on a date with this guy. If you can accept that and still want to hook up, then go ahead and make sure you are SAFE!


    100% agreement.
    And if it develops into a friendship or more (that does happen on the rarest of occasions), consider yourself lucky!


    More than good friends, but not lovers, saves a lot of complications. How many random strangers will tell you how many people they've done it with that week and how safely they did it?
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Oct 21, 2011 3:00 AM GMT
    We've all done things that in retrospect were not reasonable to do; I certainly am no exception. But there are risks with hook-ups, as I discovered when I was young. The emotional results were unbearable, i.e., falling for someone with whom a relationship was impossible. There is also the risk that someone will fall for you and end up being very hurt in which case it is difficult to disclaim all responsibility. These things can happen despite our best efforts to avoid then.

    Also, quickies without emotion don't do anything for me; they can even be boring. It can be very difficult to avoid health risks. Too late one can find out that someone who says safe sex only doesn't know what safe sex is and insists on doing something that definitely is unsafe. Then, the only reasonable choice may be to leave immediately or get him to leave immediately.
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    Oct 21, 2011 3:06 AM GMT
    Not.

    Especially if you catch something.

    A past professor told our class about an experience he had about a gay pt he had that had HSV2 in his throat from oral sex, that had to be admitted frequently to have the lesions ablated to keep his airway from closing off. He eventually came in with an emergent trach was because the airway was completely shut off and they couldn't intubate, because of the scar tissue and inflammation. The patient eventually died from airway complications after being on a ventilator for 3 weeks. The guy had other problems but this definitely was the deathblow (pun intended).

    He said this was a rare incidence, but it was scary enough to make me think twice.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Oct 21, 2011 11:05 AM GMT
    Have as much sex as you like, need and want, and play safe. It is all up to the individual. Express yourself in whatever way feels good to you. A relationship will happen when it happens. Those who worry and stress about it all the time, are those who usually don't find one that will last.
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    Oct 21, 2011 11:13 AM GMT
    I'm too afraid of getting some sort of a disease! I need to be dating and have some trust built in.