I need some help, guys...

  • jonwaltglat

    Posts: 283

    Oct 20, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    I'm sure that this thread has been created over and over again, but I really need some guidance. I just recently got out of a 9-month relationship. We are still in love with each other. We live 4 hours away from each other. He is 16 years older than me. We ended things for the sake of my future and my opportunities.

    I am breaking inside. I feel so heartbroken, yet I understand why it just couldn't work. He seems to be moving on better than me, but I don't know if that's just because I emote more than he does or if he actually is doing okay. I feel like nothing helps. I feel like I can't move on. I have been on such an emotional roller coaster ride. I am completely content and fine one day and then sobbing the next. I have done my best to distract myself and to keep myself preoccupied, but it doesn't always help.

    Guys, what do I do? How do I push myself past this? How do I smile again and look to the future without him?
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    Oct 20, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    The best advice isn't very helpful: "Time will help you get over it." Or at least that's what people told me haha. I know how you feel man. My boyfriend broke up with me in May... but the truth is that I still love him and there are times I will still cry over what I've lost, what he meant to me, and the man I was when I was with him. But time really does grant a different perspective and, hopefully, mends the heart. In the months since we've been apart I've realized how things came out just as they were supposed to and could not have gone differently... and it really is best that we are apart. But it still hurts, and I still love him, though gradually I feel like the mental clarity and certainty will help guide the heart towards its own kind of peace.
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    Oct 20, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    I went through the exact same thing about 4 years ago. Exact same amount of time, exact same circumstances (I moved away for my career). To this day, I still love the guy -- though we haven't spoken in almost 4 years. That love may never go away, but as Larkin said, you'll stop feeling awful about the loss with time.

    As painful as it may sound, my advice is to completely cut off contact with him. Prolonged contact will confuse things and cause more pain. The sooner you part for good, the sooner you'll be able to move on -- or, if not move on, stop feeling so miserable.
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    Oct 20, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    rezdylan saidI went through the exact same thing about 4 years ago. Exact same amount of time, exact same circumstances (I moved away for my career). To this day, I still love the guy -- though we haven't spoken in almost 4 years. That love may never go away, but as Larkin said, you'll stop feeling awful about the loss with time.

    As painful as it may sound, my advice is to completely cut off contact with him. Prolonged contact will confuse things and cause more pain. The sooner you part for good, the sooner you'll be able to move on -- or, if not move on, stop feeling so miserable.


    You have to move on dude. Ive dated someone who was still on his ex after a year of dating, and I have to say it sucks! I was a UC Berkeley football fan, and his ex was a UC Berkeley student. If I mentioned UC Berkeley football, even causually (like wore a fucking shirt) he would go apeshit over his ex and how much it hurt.

    Needless to say, that one didnt last very long...
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 20, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    jonwaltglat saidI'm sure that this thread has been created over and over again, but I really need some guidance. I just recently got out of a 9-month relationship. We are still in love with each other. We live 4 hours away from each other. He is 16 years older than me. We ended things for the sake of my future and my opportunities.

    I am breaking inside. I feel so heartbroken, yet I understand why it just couldn't work. He seems to be moving on better than me, but I don't know if that's just because I emote more than he does or if he actually is doing okay. I feel like nothing helps. I feel like I can't move on. I have been on such an emotional roller coaster ride. I am completely content and fine one day and then sobbing the next. I have done my best to distract myself and to keep myself preoccupied, but it doesn't always help.

    Guys, what do I do? How do I push myself past this? How do I smile again and look to the future without him?
    wow, that is so sad buddy. i am still not understanding why he dumped you. the reason you gave is pretty vague. i am sorry but if i found someone whom i had been with that long and they were trying to improve themselves i would not just up and leave. that makes no sense. i think your bf dumped you because he found something that he thought was better. i hope that is not the case but that is what it sounds like to me.
    as for your broken heart. the only thing i can do is say is keep your head up buddy. the pain will go away in time
  • jonwaltglat

    Posts: 283

    Oct 24, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    Thanks, guys. It means a lot to me. I feel better since Friday. I have cut off all ties with him. As stupid as it sounds, removing him from Facebook and foursquare, and telling him that I needed to not talk to him for a while, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But again, and from what everyone has told me, that is what must happen to get over him.

    Again, thanks guys.
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    Oct 24, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    I read your reply to all the other posts and I'm happy your doing okay. Break ups are definitely not easy. I've never been in a real relationship yet but I do know the feeling of losing ties and it's not an easy thing to get over.
    And I think it was smart of you to cut ties with him for awhile. You just need time to recover and having the thing that causes you pain in your life doesn't make it an easy transition. But now that you have done what you did, your heart can finally start recovering. Go out and do things that make you happy and that will definitely help as well.

    Wish you the best dude.