Family telling me to stop losing weight.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    My family loves me very much. I know they care. And they're very well aware of my weight loss and how far I've come through it. I have the rep these days in the family as being "Mr. Skinny". It's actually very flattering to hear that, and a tremendous self-esteem booster. Not being totally muscular doesn't bother me at all; being called svelte is, au contraire, a compliment.

    But they're telling me that I've done enough and that they don't want me to lose anymore. Mom doesn't want to have an "anorexic" looking son. I'm trying to assure her that I'm just trying to cut fat at this point, because I still have those hard-to-eliminate love handles and more belly and thigh fat to eliminate. Then once I'm sufficiently satisfied, I can focus on building muscle.

    Anyone else get families trying to dissuade you from progress?
  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    Oct 20, 2011 5:56 PM GMT
    Well dude, you dont look anarexic but you also dont look like you need to loose any more weight. You just need to start working out.

    Most guys usually build first then loose the wt. There are reasons for that. Cut too many calories and you are loosing muscle mass.

    I come from two different ethnic groups that basicly revolve around food so I know what you are talking about. Thier picture is distorted about what healthy is but by the same token, dont go overboard. I am betting most guys here will say you dont need to loose more weight.

    I dont know how much you wieighed before, but if it was a lot, love handles and other things like that are usually more a result of streched out skin and no amount of calorie counting will get rid of that. Working out and building mass is the only way without sergery.
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    Oct 20, 2011 6:02 PM GMT
    Kjonyou said
    Most guys usually build first then loose the wt. There are reasons for that. Cut too many calories and you are loosing muscle mass.
    .


    I can see logic in that, but it's kinda problematic both ways with different consequences and you ultimately decide which way you'd rather go. If you start out overweight and try to build muscle before cutting, you can get bad stretch marks, and those never go away. That was my train of thought when I started. Muscle loss through cardio is inevitable; that is very true. But you can avoid major losses of muscle if you work weight lifting in while getting sufficient protein. That has worked out quite well. I did lose some strength after doing all the cardio, but since I revamped my diet to increase protein intake a lot while cutting carbs, my strength is making a comeback.
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    Oct 20, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    You're 140 @ 5'8 lil dude

    If you call getting down to 130lbs 'progress'

    Anything below 140lbs and your in women's weight level territory, you won't be able to buy fitting man's clothes... But it's up to you, all grown up time to stop feeling you need to do what mom says.

    Plenty of groups out there on the Internet that teach teenage girls ways to hide from the world that their weight is fluctuating into the dangerous category, just start with a baggy sweater and pushing your food a around a plate rather than eating it.
  • NHLFAN

    Posts: 370

    Oct 20, 2011 8:54 PM GMT
    5'8 and 140!! you do not need to lose anymore weight. At one time in my life I was down to 129 and people thought I was going to die anyday and wanted to know what cancer I had.

    Now I can stand to lose 10 pounds to get to 160, but that is as low as I will ever go. I've lost 90 pounds and people tell me to stop losing weight now, including my doctor. Hit the gym and work out if that is what you want to do. Lose more weight on with your family on this one. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 22, 2011 10:06 AM GMT
    I mean, seriously. I may only be about 142 pounds-ish, but I still have quite a bit of body fat on me. Likely somewhere in the 18-20% range. Bulking would mean ultimately gaining some amount of fat with the lean body mass. Do I really want to start focusing on bulking now, or am I better off trying to cut the fat I still have before I start any real bulking attempts?

    I ran into this article that basically explained my situation down to a T. I fall under the category of suffering from "Former Fat Guy Syndrome". In short, he ultimately suggests going for long-term periods, at least 12 weeks long, between bulking and cutting. Is this advice sound?

    http://jcdfitness.com/2009/10/the-former-fat-boy-syndrome/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 10:10 AM GMT
    Tell your family that your doing this (losing weight and getting healthy) for yourself and not for anyone else, and that they should support you if they want you to be happy, you look great, keep up the good work!
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    Oct 22, 2011 10:27 AM GMT
    Trollileo saidThe act of changing up to weight lifting will probably start burning the love handles faster than just cardio. Also, if you add muscle your BMI will decrease just by simple math alone.



    Or Biology icon_twisted.gif
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Oct 22, 2011 10:30 AM GMT
    If you want to 'cut fat' for the long haul, you actually have to promote lean muscle. Based off of your pictures, you don't seem to have any, if at all. Lean muscle will actually help you stay leaner, lose those love handles and make you look better than just skinny...skinny isn't really attractive unless you're a girl but Good luck though!
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    Oct 22, 2011 10:35 AM GMT
    The problem I see is that you are focusing on weight loss and not on developing a healthy active lifestyle with good nutrition.

    If you focused on a healthy lifestyle, instead of 'weight loss' you will have a different perspective and this wouldn't be an issue, nor would it be an issue for your family.

    Have you sought medical advice on your weight issues? Do you work with a personal trainer or exercise physiologist? If not I'd go and see some professional like the latter.

  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 22, 2011 10:41 AM GMT
    Yeah my mom used to regularly tell me I looked "ill" and like "a skeleton".I was about 59kg and 10% body fat.

    Mind you its all relative (no pun intended). My Mom's family are all on the "large"size, I might even say bordering on the obese - not a nice thing to say about your mom I know - so by comparison I gues I was.

    My boyfriend also thinks I am utterly paranoid and bat shit crazy about weight and body fat %. He says " you look fine" when ....I really dont think I do. SO he pressuring me to not work as out as much. hmph. Hello "Spread of Complacency"? Anyone else noticed that in a long term relationship???
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    Oct 22, 2011 10:51 AM GMT
    6'0", 175.
    "Your BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9 (Normal Weight)"


    Yeah right... I've gotta be more like 12-14 at the most. I should find a gym and pretend to be interested... just for the free measure.... with those electrode things. Whateverthefuck that's called.
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    Oct 22, 2011 10:56 AM GMT
    Rowing_Ant said Hello "Spread of Complacency"? Anyone else noticed that in a long term relationship???


    My current ex (It's complicated....) says he like's a little fat on the abs, and minuscule love handles. He is turned off by a six-pack, or so he says. I sorta agree, I don't like the feeling of zero fat on a guy... Feels foreign. People should be a little soft.

    But it does make it easier for me to not watch what I eat. hah
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 10:56 AM GMT
    My mother said this to me for a while.
    Now, I'm buff and in the best shape of my life.

    If you know what you're doing and why (eating healthy and hitting the gym), then ignore what other say.

    In a lot of cultures "fat" is considered healthy. This is especially true where family members have gone through "Depression" like times.

    You look just fine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 11:07 AM GMT
    You are 5'10" at 142lbs? icon_eek.gif
    THAT IS ANOREXIC. Yet looking at your pics, you are skinny and fat at the same time. icon_confused.gif WTF?

    You wrote, "I still have those hard-to-eliminate love handles and more belly and thigh fat to eliminate. Then once I'm sufficiently satisfied, I can focus on building muscle."

    You are not going to be able to accomplish either goal of losing the fat and then gaining muscle by only lifting 2 x a week. Muscle actually helps burn fat.icon_exclaim.gif
    You obviously have the need to change that body. Start eating properly and go to the gym at least 4-5 x a week. Look to some of the very muscular guys on this site for advice on training and nutrition. They would be more than happy to help. But stop with all these stupid excuses and poor-poor me threads, and lift more than 2 x a week!!!

    Good luck and keep us posted.

    Tristan
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 22, 2011 11:24 AM GMT
    My other half says I look fine, should "stop worrying" about my weight and appearance and activel tries to prevent me from hitting the gym, because "I look fine" and will "work out too much" etc etc....icon_mad.gif
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    Oct 22, 2011 11:50 AM GMT
    Okay, I'm going to make a calendar and figure stuff out. I've never tried bulking before. I don't know where on earth to begin! Don't know how many reps or sets of any given exercises, how many to do for all the muscle groups, what days to work which body parts (or do everything instead), how often to integrate cardio...I don't even know how many calories I need!
    I feel just clueless! All I know is that I'd do anything to make it work. I want to be a work of art. More than that, I want to be a genuine masterpiece!

    /profoundquote
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    Oct 22, 2011 1:18 PM GMT
    Kjonyou saidWell dude, you dont look anarexic but you also dont look like you need to loose any more weight. You just need to start working out.


    This. You should start working out and gaining muscle. That will start to sort out the fat issue in itself. Musclefetish┬┤s advice is not totally helpful.

    This is what you should do

    (1) ditch the number mentality. The number of lb that you weight no longer matters. Ever

    (2) Sort out your diet. Cut out added sugar, wheat and premade food. if you do this you will notice an amazing difference. Eat a LOT. Really. Eat a LOT more than you are now and a LOT more than you think you should. Eat fat. Do not eat wheat (bread, pasta) - it raises ur blood sugar and fucks with your hormones making it hard to lose weight. Not all calories are equal - more important is the hormonal effect they have on the body.

    (3) Commit to training using weights for resistance 3 times a week on non consecutive days. No excuse, no missed sessions. Work the whole body every time (including legs). Work hard. THree times a week is fine for now. You can do the same program and change it every month or so or do two in an ABA pattern. Don┬┤t worry about "doing cardio" for now.

    (4) Get solid sleep in a dark room every night. Excessive cortisol production fucks up weight loss.

    If you do this you will have visible improvements in 6 months, probably in even 3 months.
  • Rawrdo

    Posts: 343

    Oct 22, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    Okay so normally I'm not the one who feels compelled to write something that goes against the majority, but after seeing a few comments here I can't help it. But before I go into a rant let me make something clear:

    1) I'm not trying to start an arguement/flamewar, I don't troll.
    2) Scotticus, you should feel proud of all the hard work you've done, keep up the good work. (I also agree that you should work out and start lifting though)

    Now what's really gotten under my skin is how a few of you have deemed yourselves experts on identifying anorexia by saying blanket rules of "anything lower than ___ and you're anorexic!" (or even worse 'women's level). Lets make something clear, anorexia is a mental disorder which obviously will have an effect upon the body (lower weights). However, just because a person has a lower weight than that of the norm doesn't instantly mean that anorexia/bulimia is occurring. Sure, it may be true for some cases, but not all and that's simply because what you guys are looking at are symptoms, rather than root causes. If the person we were talking was clearly having the behavioral patterns , then go ahead and plan an intervention, but don't just simply start spouting anorexic this and anorexic that. It's kind of insulting and humiliating when you hear somebody criticize another healthy and normal person for being borderline anorexic just based on weight and height ratios, only to realize that according to their standards you are in worse conditions and perhaps a freaky skinny guy.I know that perhaps I'm just being overly sensitive since in this case I'm the guy who's at 135 lbs and 5'9 but I'm not ashamed of that. I'm actually proud because I used to weigh 125 before and I have started working out and have obviously put on more mass (though I still have a long way ahead of me). I have never been anorexic, and that's why I found it a bit offensive and drove me the edge. I know you guys probably weren't being serious, but put yourself in my place and I think you could understand the frustration. I know people still say I'm fairly lean and skinny, but when I've gone swimming or at the beach people don't cringe because they think I'm anorexic and look emaciated, in fact a lot of people seemed to be shocked and have changed tunes really quick. I have also seen several people much taller than me who weigh even less than me, but neither of them were anorexic, their metabolism was just too fast, matter of fact they would eat more than a regular person would.That is all,oh but for those future tl;dr posters: such comments aren't that funny nor witty.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 22, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    Well let me say, I usually give my opinion at times prior to reading what others have been saying. Part of that is because I want to give you my opinion and not some "watered down version" based on what others may have said above. Such is the case here.

    First, congrats on all the fine work. I don't know how much you weighed prior, what your family history is or the complete process you followed in losing your weight. That said, you look good now. If there seems to be a disagreement on what is appropriate for you. You'd like to lose more and your family is about your stopping it... I'd get an expert opinion.
    You need to see your doctor (maybe even more than one) and get their opinions. I think to rely on your family doctor is OK, but your family may disagree. Get more than one opinion..... you just need to be prepared to
    acknowledge that he or she may feel you are at an optimum weight for
    your achievements.

    I always say, "get facts", get input" rather than a set of divisive opinions.
    Good luck and again, congrats on your work!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 2:05 PM GMT
    i'm 5'8" and once got my weight down to where you are right now. I'd recommend starting to work out or at least roller skating at this point because unless your metabolism is wildly different, what everyone's saying is right. You are at ideal weight (and actually look like you have more muscle mass than i did) in terms of svelte. My family gives me the same grief (i'm from New Orleans so food=life)
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Oct 22, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    First off congratulations on loosing weighticon_exclaim.gif, your down to where you should be to start building lean muscle and getting rid of the hard to loose love handles and lower back fat, I can tell you its going to be the hardest thing to loose and I'm being totally honest, as a personal trainer and nutritionist by trade(s) I can honestly tell you that at this point seek professional help because you are starting to following the rat pack in advice and even though its sound and mostly good, its best to just cough up the few bucks to seek a few sessions with each type of person or if you can find someone like me in your area all the better.

    Remember a few simple things, always read the labels when buying food, if its first few ingredients you can't pronounce or don't really know what it is, stay away its not real food lol, WATER is always a good thing, helps flush the system of toxins and keeps you hydrated, smaller (healthier) meals is more better for you then big ones where you NEED time to rest because it was too much for your system to take and makes you "sleepy" and finally if you can't make time to hit the gym and you really should, buy some dumbbells, a medicine ball, some really good jogging shoes and make use of the space you have at home, the best thing about a personal trainer is that they can come to you if need be icon_cool.gif

    Cheers and you look fine, don't worry too much about the mirror, it'll eventually work itself out in the long run but staring at the mirror and grabbing the handles is not going to motivate you it'll do the reverse, be happy in your skin, all of it icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidMy current ex (It's complicated....) says he like's a little fat on the abs, and minuscule love handles. He is turned off by a six-pack, or so he says. I sorta agree, I don't like the feeling of zero fat on a guy... Feels foreign. People should be a little soft.


    I don't like the feeling of zero muscle on a guy... Feels foreign. People should be a little hard! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sports_body_training_performance/the_truth_about_bulking

    An interesting (and paradoxical) theorem in this page is that while your bf is anything over 10%, losing fat will make you look weaker and weaker. As you go below 10%, you will look stronger, even if your weight is going down (as long as you retain or gain muscle mass).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    Looking at your pics, you're in a great place to start focusing on building muscle. That isn't fat as much as it is loose skin/tissue and what looks to be water stores. That happens when you loose a ton of weight quickly. 5'10 142lbs is low enough. You definitely need to focus on the muscle building or your body will slow down your metabolism big time. There is a point where the actual number of your weight becomes irrelevant and inconsistent with appearance. If you build muscle, it will eat most of that subcutaneous fat that you're trying to eliminate and will build out your contour nicely and will pull in your skin. Your pics, again, looks like you're totally where you need to be. Good luck bud!