2 wrongs don't make a right?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    Alright, so I met this guy recently and we exchanged contacts. We've texted back and forth quite a bit over the past weekend and what not, everything is pretty cool at the moment. Then on tuesday we are texting each other on my lunch break, and the conversation is going well, though I feel the responses are delayed a bit. Then mid-convo I don't get a response, so I went back to work and then seen that he had replied to my last text 2+ hrs later, so I didn't bother responding to that text at all. He then sent another text later that night at like 1:30am saying "what's up?" and I still haven't responded to that, it's been about a day since then.

    Sorry, so my question is do I have a right to be kinda pissed off for his disregard in terms of conversation etiquette (if there even is something like that), I know when I am talking with friends I wouldn't just abruptly leave the conversation without saying something cause it's rude. Am I being a jerk for not bringing it up if it bothered me/ignoring him?

    Thanks for the help...but don't make me wait 2 hours for a response to this thread icon_twisted.gif haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2011 11:47 PM GMT
    You're wondering why he took so long to respond.
    Now he's wondering why you stopped responding.

    Isn't dating complicated, confounding, and confusing enough w/o cutting off communication?
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    Oct 20, 2011 11:55 PM GMT
    Welcome to internet and texting. The shittiest forms of communication.
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    Oct 20, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    Maybe he was in a meeting at work.
    Maybe he was driving somewhere.
    Maybe he was in the middle of something and forgot to respond.

    I will go days without responding to text messages sometimes. Doesn't mean a thing.

    Do you have a right to be pissed?
    Absolutely not. 2 hours is pretty insignificant.

    Now stop acting like such a bitch and go text him.

    Jesus fucking christ.
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    Oct 21, 2011 12:17 AM GMT
    HesTheOne saidAlright, so I met this guy recently and we exchanged contacts. We've texted back and forth quite a bit over the past weekend and what not, everything is pretty cool at the moment. Then on tuesday we are texting each other on my lunch break, and the conversation is going well, though I feel the responses are delayed a bit. Then mid-convo I don't get a response, so I went back to work and then seen that he had replied to my last text 2+ hrs later, so I didn't bother responding to that text at all. He then sent another text later that night at like 1:30am saying "what's up?" and I still haven't responded to that, it's been about a day since then.

    Sorry, so my question is do I have a right to be kinda pissed off for his disregard in terms of conversation etiquette (if there even is something like that), I know when I am talking with friends I wouldn't just abruptly leave the conversation without saying something cause it's rude. Am I being a jerk for not bringing it up if it bothered me/ignoring him?

    Thanks for the help...but don't make me wait 2 hours for a response to this thread icon_twisted.gif haha


    You seem to be suffering from immaturity/a bratish entitlement-complex, that's all.

    He isn't obligated to reply to you the moment he receives a text, assuming he even reads it right away- unless he is late for a pre-arranged appointment with you or there is a life or death emergency etc . A few hours isn't out of the ordinary, people put things off or are busy with life, it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

    If you wanted instant communication, you could have called him. If he receives the call then you can safely assume that he is free/open to instant convo at moment too. It's not all about your wishes.

    If you're upset about his two hour texting delay, either bring it up with him (and be prepared to look like an entitled neurotic, as it's not like the two hours deprived you of oxygen) or realise that other people in this world are real autonomous beings too, and are in no way obligated to use their phone/time exactly as you want them to, just because you want them to (to a reasonable extent, of course).

    The tit-for-tat ignoring him, passive-aggressive punishment/revenge behaviour is pretty childish/cowardly, IMO. If you really have a problem, why not politely bring it up with him in convo, or, just find somebody else who always texts back instantly, and anything else you want, the very second you want it?

    Be patient. Relax.
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    Oct 21, 2011 12:19 AM GMT
    If you are practicing how to be alone for ever you are on the right path. I really don't understand why people make dating/communicating more complicated than it already is icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:05 AM GMT
    Thanks a lot for the responses guys, I appreciate the advice! I understand where you guys are coming from, I was looking at this strictly from my own perspective and I'm sure I have come off as pretty obnoxious with this thread. I will be more patient in the future with these things icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
    When your texting, you're not supposed to text back right away cuz if you do, he'll think you're desperate, that's dating 101. You have to show him that there's a lot going on in your life and that he's not everything to you.
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:27 AM GMT
    Hypnotico saidWhen your texting, you're not supposed to text back right away cuz if you do, he'll think you're desperate, that's dating 101. You have to show him that there's a lot going on in your life and that he's not everything to you.


    Ummm...not when you are having an ongoing convo lol, it isn't desperate to answer a question he/or I ask.
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:31 AM GMT
    HesTheOne said
    Hypnotico saidWhen your texting, you're not supposed to text back right away cuz if you do, he'll think you're desperate, that's dating 101. You have to show him that there's a lot going on in your life and that he's not everything to you.


    Ummm...not when you are having an ongoing convo lol, it isn't desperate to answer a question he/or I ask.


    You can answer it, but make him wait, don't be too available, that's a fatal mistake, play hard to get! icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    Hypnotico said
    HesTheOne said
    Hypnotico saidWhen your texting, you're not supposed to text back right away cuz if you do, he'll think you're desperate, that's dating 101. You have to show him that there's a lot going on in your life and that he's not everything to you.


    Ummm...not when you are having an ongoing convo lol, it isn't desperate to answer a question he/or I ask.


    You can answer it, but make him wait, don't be too available, that's a fatal mistake, play hard to get! icon_cool.gif


    I'm going to assume this is why most single gay men are miserable.
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    DoomsDayAlpaca said
    Hypnotico said
    HesTheOne said
    Hypnotico saidWhen your texting, you're not supposed to text back right away cuz if you do, he'll think you're desperate, that's dating 101. You have to show him that there's a lot going on in your life and that he's not everything to you.


    Ummm...not when you are having an ongoing convo lol, it isn't desperate to answer a question he/or I ask.


    You can answer it, but make him wait, don't be too available, that's a fatal mistake, play hard to get! icon_cool.gif


    I'm going to assume this is why most single gay men are miserable.


    Haha yes. Ok maybe some clarification is needed here in regards to the texts...these were consecutive texts being exchanged, with a min or two being the longest in between them...and then the long drop out afterwards. But that is neither here or there, this is why I would reply right away because we were mid-convo. I wouldn't make him wait just for the sake of looking non-desperate lol...anyways, I texted him and we shall see where this is headed icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:37 AM GMT
    I think if you're in a realtime text with someone you want to date and he stops the convo for an hour or 2 between replys he's disrespectful as HELL. Unless he text's before hand about the delays and tells you he can't talk now.
  • vintovka

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    Oct 21, 2011 6:41 AM GMT
    Wow--this is really where we've come to as a civilization? How about this, if you want to talk to him, call him.
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:56 AM GMT
    I would just try calling him next time. Avoid all of the "hours of waiting" and just talk back and forth RIGHT NOW icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 7:11 AM GMT
    scottjock6 saidI think if you're in a realtime text with someone you want to date and he stops the convo for an hour or 2 between replys he's disrespectful as HELL. Unless he text's before hand about the delays and tells you he can't talk now.

    No. If you're in a PHONE CALL and he stops responding for 2 hours, it's disrespectful as hell. Also kind of strange.

    If you're in a TEXT CONVERSATION and he stops responding for 2 hours, who cares?

    The beauty of texting is that you are free to do whatever you want simultaneously. If whatever you're doing requires more attention than the conversation for a little while, then whoever's on the other side will have to deal. If the conversation is that important, then why couldn't the person just call in the first place?
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    Oct 24, 2011 9:05 PM GMT
    He probably didn't respond because he got caught up doing something. You never know. But in a general rule, I am a firm believer two wrongs don't make a right.
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    Oct 24, 2011 9:09 PM GMT

    (apologies to OP, but i can't pass this up)

    Kaicoyote saidBut in a general rule, I am a firm believer two wrongs don't make a right.


    Ahh yes, but two Wrights make an airplane.
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    Oct 24, 2011 9:10 PM GMT



    You know people do get rather busy throughout the day, when I text someone, they're not obligated to respond right away... A reply is fine even if it is delayed... Now get off your high horse and text him back.
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Oct 24, 2011 9:22 PM GMT
    I've made your mistake too. Many relationships now begin through the web and have roots in texting, but texts and online conversation can be very MISLEADING. Since we cannot hear the other guys voice and see him we can misunderstand the meaning of the text and emotions. Also with texting we forget that the guy could be at work, at a friends house, studying, driver (god no, not safe) and anything else, so if a guy does not answere back right away he may be busy. Is that a reason to blow him off? No.

    Also don't keep sending texts if he does not answer. Looks bad.
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    Oct 25, 2011 6:10 AM GMT
    Some people in this thread are giving misguided advice (in my opinion, so not necessarily a fact), so I will try and put my opinion out there too:

    1) There are many reasons he may have not texted you back. If you didn't respond because you didn't feel like it, that's okay too. You aren't obligated to talk to someone if you do not want to, rude or not. That doesn't make you passive aggressive, unless you are trying to "teach them a lesson"

    2) If the two people having a conversation are both intent on keeping in touch, then both people are responsible for their actions and both people have to make a reasonable effort to stay in touch. Not responding for two hours is not unreasonable. Not responding to a text for days on end is (sorry, but who does that? THAT is passive aggressive right there, not having guts to say "look, I'm busy, can we talk at such and such a time?").

    3) Text messaging sucks, period. It's convenient if both of you know each other well and know how to hold a conversation even with long delay in replies. It's not convenient or reasonable if both of you are wondering why there is no response, or a response that is delayed by more than several hours at a time. In my mind, this amounts to playing an unnecessary game. Playing social and mind games are stupid. You're an adult, I'm an adult, the other person is hopefully an adult... can we just communicate like adults and get to the point?

    4) Trying hard not to look desperate amounts to playing a game. I have a way of being able to tell if guys I talk to do that on purpose. I let them know right away I am not interested in really hanging out or chatting, and that I have more productive ways to spend my time.

    5) Games.... do I need to mention games again? A lot of us homosexuals really need to cut the crap out. The game is so unnecessary. One person doesn't want to look desperate so he doesn't respond for 2 days, and then the person on the other end wants to look like he doesn't care, so HE doesn't respond for a few days either. All this unnecessary bullshit could have been solved by coming to a consensus and talking it out like adults, which a lot of gay people (and apparently, straight people) are too proud to do.

    QED!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2011 6:19 AM GMT
    You're kinda the dick in this situation.

    Texting can be done at any time, and you don't know if he was busy. Treat it like an email...

    He should be on here complaining about you. Don't be so high-maintenance and needy.

    My last relationship, we texted a LOT. We were used to fast paced, instant response conversations. One of us would usually say "TTYL, X is happening for an hour or two.", and if that didn't happen, there was a reason to be upset. It was an established pattern, and breaking it meant there WAS some sort of disregard.

    But your situation is a new person... no rules set. Texting is not a phone call, He didn't "hang up on you".
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    Oct 26, 2011 11:12 PM GMT
    two wongs dont make a right Pictures, Images and Photos