Affraid to come out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 21, 2011 12:35 AM GMT
    Hey everyone,
    im really affraid to come out to my friends and family that im gay, and have been living a lie for the past 3 years. sometimes my friends have just said to me "are you gay" and for some reason the first thing that comes out of my mouth is NO!!.
    in some form i think some of my friends know and are just waiting for me to admit it and my famly will be ok with it cause they have said, but everytime i say to myself that im going to do it i freeze up and get all nervous.
    i mean when ever im out clubbing and a guy comes to talkand flirt/dance with me i run cuase im worried my friends might see.
    i know i should just come out and tell people but for some reason i cant.

    Does this make me a coward?
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    Oct 21, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    masonj saidHey everyone,
    im really affraid to come out to my friends and family that im gay, and have been living a lie for the past 3 years. sometimes my friends have just said to me "are you gay" and for some reason the first thing that comes out of my mouth is NO!!.
    in some form i think some of my friends know and are just waiting for me to admit it and my famly will be ok with it cause they have said, but everytime i say to myself that im going to do it i freeze up and get all nervous.
    i mean when ever im out clubbing and a guy comes to talkand flirt/dance with me i run cuase im worried my friends might see.
    i know i should just come out and tell people but for some reason i cant.

    Does this make me a coward?


    No, you're not a coward. You just need some time to grow into yourself (sync of body/mind/soul). You're coming along though, you've been on RJ for over one year! You'll know it when the time is right to come out.
    Best of luck!
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    Oct 21, 2011 3:16 AM GMT
    you dont have to come out if you dont want to. nobody said that if your gay that the whole world has to know. do what makes you happy ;)
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    Just tell the people that you think will accept you no matter what first and then start telling other people one by one. That's what I did. I would suggest not telling all of your friends at the same time because that would be too overwhelming.
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
    gotfish saidyou dont have to come out if you dont want to. nobody said that if your gay that the whole world has to know. do what makes you happy ;)

    He's clearly not happy about it if he felt the need to create a thread about it. He also said that he's living a lie which could never be a good thing.
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    masonj saidDoes this make me a coward?


    That, or a scaredy cat.
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    there is nothing to be afraid of, its all in your mind, come out and face the sunicon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:20 AM GMT
    Do you know the definition of courage?

    It means doing something, despite your fears. Yes, people go ahead and do things, even though they're scared shitless inside. If you want to push the envelope in your life, you will need to develop this skill of acting in the face of your fear.

    If you're waiting for the moment when telling people you're gay arouses no anxiety...that will probably never happen. Even today when I tell people, there is a bit of concern welled up inside me. But as they say, "speak the truth...even if your voice shakes." Or, better yet... "never let 'em see you sweat."

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    Oct 21, 2011 6:08 AM GMT
    Hmm.....Does this make me a coward? Well.....I guess a little. Just about everyone is scared or terrified to come out. BUT it's everyone's defense to protect their mind and physical body. It seems the biggest thing in your favor is your family's being ok with it. Not having to worry about getting kicked out of the house is a really big deal. I agree your coming out can be on a need to know basis. For now, your family and inner circle of friends would be enough for now... Good Luck masonj
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:26 AM GMT
    Yes but it's ok you're not the only one. We have all been there in one way or other
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    Oct 21, 2011 7:33 AM GMT
    If you feel you absolutely MUST tell people, then you'll just have to grit your teeth and do it. I'm still in the closet, but I think once I move out and live on my own it'll be easier to tell people.
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    Oct 21, 2011 7:35 AM GMT
    It's not that big a deal. Contrary to the popular narrative, your life probably won't change that dramatically when you come out. Just be sure to do things on your own time line and don't get any poor woman caught up in your journey to self acceptance.

    It's your life dude. Do what you want, when you want.
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    Oct 21, 2011 7:43 AM GMT
    Giggles. You you have promoted there is something wrong with my sexuality as a poofter; tut, tut, trut, shame on you. If you were my friend and you lied to me about that, and in time to come there was an issues wheer it was a point of were you telling the truth, or just spreading more manure around, I may not belive you, because you have already lied about something significant.

    But then hay I am also now 50 yo old and those old buggers before me did nothing for my liberation or advancement, because they to were hiding away, going to party's at Dorthy's. Where my generation stood our ground, supported gay clubs and pubs; no more hiding. I also come out in the bush as a kid, were anyone whom were game enough to wear white shocks got beat up, because only a poofter would ever wear white socks; but I survived and life went on.

    Now you say in 2011, you are afraid to come out; giggles. Now take a deep breath and steep forward.

    PS don't get me wrong, I don't support coming out parties either, and making such a big deal about ones sexuality. I mean just get on with living your life for you, love and accept yourself first. OMG the work that has already been done for you.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Oct 21, 2011 7:43 AM GMT
    I didn't come out till I was 27. I regret every month and missed opportunity to connect with another beautiful guy during that time now. Once you are out for a while you will wonder why you were afraid in the first place. The benefits of having your inner life aligned with your outer life are amazing, but something you can't describe easily.

    I didn't come out because I didn't have any positive role models or know any 'normal' gay guys that I could relate too. I came out when I finally met a really hot and amazing guy who was a fellow competitive swimmer. Once I fell in love with him, I wanted everyone to know icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    pattison saidGiggles. You you have promoted there is something wrong with my sexuality as a poofter; tut, tut, trut, shame on you. If you were my friend and you lied to me about that, and in time to come there was an issues wheer it was a point of were you telling the truth, or just spreading more manure around, I may not belive you, because you have already lied about something significant.

    But then hay I am also now 50 yo old and those old buggers before me did nothing for my liberation or advancement, because they to were hiding away, going to party's at Dorthy's. Where my generation stood our ground, supported gay clubs and pubs; no more hiding. I also come out in the bush as a kid, were anyone whom were game enough to wear white shocks got beat up, because only a poofter would ever wear white socks; but I survived and life went on.

    Now you say in 2011, you are afraid to come out; giggles. Now take a deep breath and steep forward.

    PS don't get me wrong, I don't support coming out parties either, and making such a big deal about ones sexuality. I mean just get on with living your life for you, love and accept yourself first. OMG the work that has already been done for you.


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  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 21, 2011 8:09 AM GMT
    masonj saidHey everyone,
    im really affraid to come out to my friends and family that im gay, and have been living a lie for the past 3 years. sometimes my friends have just said to me "are you gay" and for some reason the first thing that comes out of my mouth is NO!!.
    in some form i think some of my friends know and are just waiting for me to admit it and my famly will be ok with it cause they have said, but everytime i say to myself that im going to do it i freeze up and get all nervous.
    i mean when ever im out clubbing and a guy comes to talkand flirt/dance with me i run cuase im worried my friends might see.
    i know i should just come out and tell people but for some reason i cant.

    Does this make me a coward?
    do if they are asking you if you are gay then its probably because they suspect that you are. i do not think you have anything to worry about. if people are questioning it then you probably have been figured out. i think when you tell them most will not be surprised. dude, i am sure it is hard but just go ahead and tell them
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    Oct 21, 2011 9:03 AM GMT
    You're not a coward. You're just not ready to say Yes.

    I think you will reach a point in your life when saying NO will become harder than saying YES to "are you gay?"

    icon_wink.gif