HELPPP...How do I get myself OUT-THERE???

  • htown10

    Posts: 2

    Oct 21, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    Ok so I recently came out and have been perplexed by how hard it is to get into the scene here in Houston. Like I want to meet new gay people, interact, make connections but I literally don’t know where to start…Also the fact that I’m super shy when it comes to topics like this, or making a first move on a guy is just not on my playing field yet. All I really want is to mesh into the gay scene here in Houston get to know more of the community, so I can find someone that I can form a bond with and have fun. (I’m a hopeless romantic, I know.) I just don’t know where to start or where to go? I’ve been to South Beach before but basically just danced with my friends, no one approached me and I sure as hell wasn’t going to approach anyone. So my question is “How do I get myself out there in the gay community in Houston, and also what are so tricks and rules for striking up a convo with guys at clubs/bars or how to react to someone trying to hit on you”. Thanks again icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    htown10 said I’ve been to South Beach before but basically just danced with my friends, no one approached me and I sure as hell wasn’t going to approach anyone. So my question is “How do I get myself out there in the gay community in Houston, and also what are so tricks and rules for striking up a convo with guys at clubs/bars or how to react to someone trying to hit on you”. Thanks again icon_smile.gif


    Well, I don't know what to tell you. You spend all night huddling together with friends and then don't put any effort to speak to someone. As far as I know, nobody noticed you.

    You already have an easy head start: you are there with friends. Therefore, you can be more bold and just sort of say "hi icon_wink.gif to a cute guy, That's it. If they turn you down, you can run back to your friends.

    Try not to stand too close to your friends. Stand a couple feet away, look around and AT people when they walk past you. Gay guys are wimps at approaching BUT, 99% of the time if they like you, they will give you the proverbial hardcore stare. But, you look kind of twinky so they may just grab you. Me on the other hand, tall Black guy...they tend to be a bit more coy wit it.

    You get what I'm saying?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2011 7:00 AM GMT
    I think you need to read your subject line and the question you are asking one more time...and then look at your actual post.

    In order to get yourself out there....you need to literally get yourself out there....so not approaching anyone isn't going to get you anywhere.

    You already know you have balls, you just recently came out. So man up to them, and go approach some dudes. Easy as that...and as the first reply stated....if you get rejected, oh well! Go back to your friends then icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2011 12:32 PM GMT
    Take a night class, volunteer in the community...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2011 12:37 PM GMT
    This is not the advice you want to hear, but it is the best advice I can give you.

    Slow down and relax. Seriously. Coming out isn't an event, it is a process. And it is a constant road fo self-discovery. If you go through it too fast, you will end up missing parts that are important and need attention.

    Get used to being out. if you hang out with friends who are affirming and accepting, that is fine for now. It will help you build confidence. And make no mistake... without regard to face, body, clothes or personality... the sexiest thing you can have is TRUE confidence. You are a young guy and you have plenty of time.

    Just relax and enjoy each moment as it comes along. Get used to the new you and you then expand your horizons when you are ready.

    good luck!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 21, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    I would agree with Alpha above. You're 19, take some time and really explore who you are as well. You didn't indicate if you are in school or
    not. I'd probably focus on building a few friendships at this point and let it go from there. If you are in a larger school, see if there are any gay related groups. Even if you aren't in school, check in out in a few of the larger schools there in Houston. I don't think that "putting yourself out" is a good
    strategy, do it in a way you are comfortable. Lots changing there, make it a fun and exciting time... but on your terms.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    Not by posting weird questions to homogay internet forums.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    Just go to a gay bar. Even if you have to go alone. If you are shy take a few shots of liquid courage. When I first moved to midtown Atlanta almost 2 months ago, I had no gay guy friends (just lesbians and straights). One night when at a bar, all my lesbians were fighting and I was so over it that I wandered (maybe stumbled) to another gay bar. I instantly met some really nice guys that helped me get in the bar because I had somehow left my wallet home all night. Alone at that bar was one of the most fun times I have had in a while.

    You have to make sure to look open for people to approach you. Smile and look friendly! I would worry about finding some gay friends first. They can show you around the scene and they will know guys as well. That is what I did and I really like these guys. Good luck!i
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 22, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    Listen... first of all, you can't be afraid to approach other people. Rejection is not the worst thing in the world that could happen to you. Also, you do not have to go to a gay venue or event to meet gay people.

    You said you recently came out, correct? Well the best way to meet a quality gay guy is through social networking, not necessarily at a gay bar or a gay dance club. I met my boyfriend through a mutual friend, and this sort of method has worked much better than ever going to the bar or resorting to online dating. For now, I have decided that if things go sour with my boyfriend (which I have confidence they wont), I still won't go to the gay bar or online to look for a date.

    Of course, you can still go out to these gay venues, but try going out just with the intention of having fun, not fishing for someone special. It will happen when you least expect it, and it has always happened that way for me.

    Good luck man.
  • htown10

    Posts: 2

    Oct 23, 2011 6:37 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys, and yall are right I shouldnt go into a bar or club specifically looking to find someone, I should just let it come to me when the moments right. But truthfully, I dont want to be alone anymore, I want to find someone that I can connect too and form a relationship. Thus the need for me to get into the community and out there. I go to a private catholic university in Montrose called University of St. Thomas, so the whole gay alliance thing wont work out. I just need to do what yall told me, go out have fun and grow some balls and talk to guys. however this poses another problem that I have....I dont know how to apporach men. Like how do I get a convo starter or what do I say, I would get so nervous. Im personally not shy and im super outgoing but when it comes to people approaching me not vice versa. So i just dont know how to start something if I find interest in a guy...or how do I even know if the guy is gay if where not at a gay bar or lounge???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 23, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    "I like, totally get what you guys are saying... but I'mma like... totally ignore it and ask my question again."

    2853065-close-up-of-a-teenage-girl-as-sh

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 23, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    As far as clubs and bars go, go in there to have a good time, not to look for dudes. If you get any expectations going into a place, you're setting yourself up for a fall. Just go in, dance, drink, have a good time by yourself or with your friends. If you see someone you like, break the silence. Don't be shy. If someone is hitting on you, hit on him back lol.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4863

    Oct 23, 2011 7:29 PM GMT
    I suggest checking to see what activities are available for gay men and women in Houston. There may be some umbrella organization there that has a list of such organizations - try using Google and do a search on "gay Houston" or some such thing. Probably you will find that there are organizations for runners, bicycle riders, various athletics, hiking, camping, discussion, gay charities, etc. etc. Become involved with one or more of them and you will meet other gay men. And, if you are in an organization with activities you enjoy, you will be able to meet other gay men with the same interests.

    Also, if you are a student (and, in my opinion, a 19 year old should be a student), you may find that there is a group at your college or university for gay men and women.

    So far as bars and clubs are concerned, I have a basically negative attitude towards them. In earlier times, little else was available for gay men and women, but that is no longer the case. Some of those places tend to be meat markets with most guys looking for nothing more than a quick hook-up, like "wham, bam, thank you sir."

    http://www.theromancefiles.com/wham-bam-thank-you-sir/

    If you meet someone you like, whether it is only for friendship or more, the two of you can have dinner at a restaurant where you can talk and get to know each other better. But don't try to rush things; you are only 19 and have plenty of time.