Friendship After a Breakup???

  • Brando

    Posts: 161

    Oct 21, 2011 5:19 PM GMT
    Is it possible?

    The more people I talk to, the more I am shocked to hear most people say they cant do it.

    I understand itd be hard to watch your ex date other guys, but I honestly dont see how you can just cut them out of your life.


    Can any of you guys do it?
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    Oct 21, 2011 5:21 PM GMT
    I personally don't think I can.
    But I've only had one relationship and I never "fell out of love". So that's really a question for those who seem to have it in them to separate sex and the emotional connection.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Oct 21, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    It's possible. I'm still friendly with most of my exes. The main thing seems to be the nature of the breakup: when we were both mostly calm and mostly rational about things, then we have been able to keep things amicable, but otherwise no.
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    Brando saidIs it possible?

    The more people I talk to, the more I am shocked to hear most people say they cant do it.

    I understand itd be hard to watch your ex date other guys, but I honestly dont see how you can just cut them out of your life.


    Can any of you guys do it?


    It would not be hard for me to watch my exes date other guys. Most of my exes were great guys and we had fun in our time. We may not have been cut out for a permanent relationship, so I've moved along and I'd want them to get back to having fun and eventually get into a good relationship with someone new as well.

    Now as far as being friends with the exes - - - - I guess I could do that, but I'm not sure what we'd have to talk about. I like to leave the past - in the past.

    icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    I'm generally not so great at staying friends with my exes. . .if it is just a guy I went on a couple of dates with and it didn't work out then there isn't really a problem being friends, but someone you dated for an extended period of time. . .I just feel like we didn't work out, so you need to not be in my life anymore

    This has been an issue with my most recent ex because now any time I want to go shopping at my favorite store I have to make sure he isn't fucking working.

    Oh and I might have to switch gyms soon because I can't even get in a work-out without running into someone I've dated! icon_evil.gificon_eek.gif
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    My exes and I didn't meet because we were in the same social circles or anything like that... There's literally no reason for us to run across one another. With my first boyfriend, we really just stopped talking... We weren't hostile to one another, the breakup was pretty clean, we just didn't have anything to talk about. My most recent ex our relationship is frosty, even though he wants to be friends. Mostly because there's not really a basis for a friendship there beyond "we dated, I loved you, and you dumped me." If I were more mature I'd probably cut him off entirely.
  • errol88

    Posts: 365

    Oct 21, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    Some can, many can't. Unless the split is mutual, there's really no reason that you should have to remain friends.

    Think about it: usually it's the dumper who wants to remain friends, because I guess he thinks that will make him seem mature. But, really, why should the person getting dumped feel the need to stay friends?

    The dumper has probably been thinking about it and getting used to the idea of not being together for a while, and oftentimes the break-up comes as a surprise for the one being dumped.

    The person being dumped might even be shocked by it, and now he's supposed to say, "Well, I'll be the bigger person and stay friends with my ex." But there's no reason for that.

    He just got dumped by someone he probably still cares for like a boyfriend, and now he has to play the friend--listening to him talk about how he's moved on to the next guy. The guy who dumped him was ready to move on, but he wasn't. There's no honor or being the bigger person in putting yourself through that.

    Maybe after some time passes it can work, but I personally think that if you're about to break up with someone--especially someone you know still cares for (if not loves) you--you should be prepared to accept the fact that he's entitled to resent and even hate you. That's just a price you have to be willing to pay when you dump someone. You can't have the best of both worlds.
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:26 PM GMT
    For me it depends on how bad or good the break up was. My last ex will never be in my life and nor I his. It was a terrible break-up. My ex before that we speak about twice a year for each others b-days. Used to go out dinner about once a month, when I still live at in my home town of Los Angeles, that is until is lover got jealous.

    I had to get him together because he got in my face on day. "I told him if I wanted him I would still have him". "So relax. take a breath child, he's your head-ache now not mine". That ex-lover was and is a serial cheater!

    So have not really been friends since then.
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:41 PM GMT
    It would be ideal to continue friendship after a breakup with a BF or lover. The closest I've come to that is to continue the friendship when we've meet by chance, but still won't initiates it out of the blue. If a guy still has strong feeling for me, and I know that there's no productive point to encourage his feelings, I'll keep away (won't make any initiative.) However, If I'll see him on the street etc. I'll surely be friendly and even kiss him appropriately, and speak freely as friends.

    I've cut people out of my life who are bad, evil, or seriously selfish no matter how long I've known them.

    As for a hook-up, I'll always be friendly to them unless they ignore me (in which case I'll designate them to their appropriate classification). Some of my favorite pals are guys I've hooked-up with at bars and still enjoy talking with them at bars- even at the 'expense' of meeting new people (actually it's time better spent!). Life has its' wonders!
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    Oct 21, 2011 6:50 PM GMT
    Yes, it is definitely possible.

    I certainly can.

    And I certainly have. I even give relationship advice to my ex and their current significant other.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 21, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    Brando saidIs it possible?

    The more people I talk to, the more I am shocked to hear most people say they cant do it.

    I understand itd be hard to watch your ex date other guys, but I honestly dont see how you can just cut them out of your life.


    Can any of you guys do it?
    if my ex and i broke up on good terms yes i could be friends with my ex. however, if it was because of cheating. no we could never be friends
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    Oct 21, 2011 7:32 PM GMT


    Is possible... And it is true a lot of people can't do it... However it depends on how the friendship originally was before they got together...
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    Oct 21, 2011 7:33 PM GMT
    i absolutely believe that it's possible. i believe that it shows a huge sign of maturity. the sad thing is it very rarely happens because it seems people just aren't comfortable going from relationship to just friends, but i have alot more respect for people that can manage to do just that.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Oct 21, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    It depends on what kind of break up it was. Sometimes you are better suited as friends or sometimes you want to stab the ex in the neck.

    Its all in how the situation was handled.
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    Oct 21, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    i think its possible, just not likely.... however it all depends on the people involved.... im currently trying to keep a friendly open door at the fore-front of my dealing with the ex wife...
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    Oct 21, 2011 8:26 PM GMT
    Its possible but hard. Just like any kind of relationship it takes work and both parties have to do their fair share. If there is any amonsity still remaining between the two parties than it can make it more difficult
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    Oct 22, 2011 12:27 AM GMT
    I don't remain in contact with any of my exes. I never had a bad boyfriend or a terrible breakup. However, it seemed difficult to remain interested as friends once the relationship ended. The lost of interest seems to be on my part. I suppose I need to sever ties completely in order to move on. I know it sounds a bit sad, but so far I haven't really regretted it. I'm thankful for the memories and hope all is well with them.
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    Oct 22, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    I can and have. My ex is one of the best friends I've ever had. The hard part is getting past the breakup and uncomfortable feelings that immediately follow. Once you get past that, you can start acting like normal friends.
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    Oct 22, 2011 12:33 AM GMT
    Heck no!

    When someone tells me that they don't wanna be with me and throw me out of their life then to me they don't exist any more. That's just how i feel about that.
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    Oct 24, 2011 2:03 AM GMT
    Yes, I've stayed friends with most of the guys I've dated, which is not a huge number.

    I don't think you ever stop loving someone, but the type of love may change. After all, we're talking about someone who has shared with you the most important thing he has in the world--his life. That mandates a certain respect, regardless of whether something long-term comes of things.
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    Oct 24, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    Like others have said, it depends on the circumstances of the breakup.

    If you two ended up in fits of rage and disgust, maybe with hard sharp objects flying at each other's heads, it's not likely you'll be friends afterward.

    If you feel a big overwhelming sense of relief that you may never have to talk to this person ever again, it's not likely that you'll be friends afterward.

    But if you two dated for a good while and just came to the mutual realization that you like each other but aren't right for a relationship, you'll probably be friends afterward.

    The preceding examples should be considered purely hypothetical and (may) have no basis in my personal experience.
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    Oct 24, 2011 2:11 AM GMT
    Brando saidIs it possible?

    The more people I talk to, the more I am shocked to hear most people say they cant do it.

    I understand itd be hard to watch your ex date other guys, but I honestly dont see how you can just cut them out of your life.


    Can any of you guys do it?


    Yes, it's possible...but after the passage of time, usually after 1-2 months when the dust settles (or when both of you have girlfriends/boyfriends).
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    Oct 24, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    I think it could work but it depends on the person. I can't really go into detail about this since I've never had a relationship before but I honestly think it could work...