WHY? Are gay guys so caught up in being cool and being chased that a nice decent boy can't say hello to you, get your number and ask you out on a date?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2008 10:09 AM GMT
    Shoot this posting is clearly in violation of the website rules. Let's all report it, so that it is removed!!
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    May 25, 2008 10:13 AM GMT
    Friendsmaybe saidDon't be bitches........like the majority of you are!!


    Ok Im sure a majority of us are. But then you just don't go for those people, there acting like children.
    I mean I never Get hit on, that I can reconise, Or that I care. Let alone hit on other guys. So HOW THE FUCK DO YOU MUSTER, the curage to ask a from a number.

    lol but tonight at a party I got spanked By a stright guy, my friend boyfriend and i just met him. I was like...WTF..and anna was like...WTF...and britany was having contracions...but was still like WTF.
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    May 25, 2008 10:33 AM GMT
    I sure wouldnt turn you away if you wanted to offer me your number but Id hope your early conversation showed more tact and diplomacy than your early posts otherwise Id think the nice decent boy could be a tad arrogant and that would be as assumptive as you considering the majority on here bitches when they are not
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    May 25, 2008 10:36 AM GMT
    You'd be surprised... my recent guest never offered to give me his number, despite of me giving all my contact details, despite speaking to some RJ members in the States who I call and speak to on a regular basis (his fellow Americans, nonetheless). So what chance have you got with guys here on cyberspaceicon_question.gif
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    May 25, 2008 10:47 AM GMT
    WHY DONT YOU FUCK ME HUH! HUH...I though so...Dont even...::hand/to face::
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    May 25, 2008 12:36 PM GMT
    oh lord, what is this little bit of self-inflicted drama all about? You're cute. How could you be having problems?
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    May 25, 2008 1:00 PM GMT
    Maybe you need to rethink the type of people your going for. Before they became bitches, what were they doing to warrant YOUR phone number?

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    May 25, 2008 1:13 PM GMT
    I found that it depended on where you were meeting guys, on how they would act. I found in gay bars guys were not as approachable, that is why I concentrated on less sexually charged atmospheres such as gay sports leagues to meet guys.

    I met my partner before the whole internet hook-up and dating thing took off so I cannot comment on those dynamics.

    PS most gay guys are not bitches, some that exhibit that behaviour are insecure and use their "bitchiness" to cover it up.
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    May 25, 2008 2:42 PM GMT
    Friendsmaybe -- where are you meeting guys? How are you going about it? And why are you generalizing all gay guys as bitches? I don't think most guys on this site -- the ones who post in the forums at least -- are bitches. After that post, though, some guys might be inclined to be a little bitchier to certain Portland-are folks. It's a cycle, bitchiness and small-minded meanness. We sow, we reap, yadda yadda, etc., etc.

    To answer your question, though,...same reason most gay drama occurs. Insecurity, I suspect. Makes people do all sorts of weird things. Then again, it might be your approach. I thought your profile was funny, and I appreciate a bit of humor. But to be honest, reading this thread topic put me automatically on the defensive, ready to get rowdy and fight. If that's the vibe you put off on first encounter, I'd say that might be a part of the problem. If you are a nice, funny, 'good' guy, you'll find plenty of the same out there...don't get jaded. You haven't mentioned how/where you meet guys or what your selection criteria in going after guys are, though, so it's hard to be more specifically constructive here.
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    May 25, 2008 3:08 PM GMT
    BIGGEST GAY HANGUPS ... FEELING ACCEPTED AND WANTED.
    I'll address your post and not go after you personally like so many other responses.

    I think lots of guys try to act "cool" to overcompensate for not feeling very cool deep down. "Cool" represents being accepted. They've likely felt uncool in mainstream situations (perhaps felt like an oddity) and envied being one of the cool/accepted people. They may have some edge like a handsome face, butch mannerisms or a ripped body that gives them an edge in the gay world. Any of these valuable gay qualities gives them the vehicle to finally feel as if they belong to a cool/accepted league.

    Wanting to be chased is all about feeling valuable. If one is coveted and pursued, one feels desired and wanted. This is a compensation for feeling very unimportant at earlier times in one's life. It feels deeply satisfying when one is being pursued by someone else, especially if that someone else has a particular value - and is not just some troll.

    These "neurotic needs" make people more apt to be untrusting, supsicious and judgmental, when meeting new people. Ugggh ! Nevertheless, the bottom line is that it's all about them. Their outward behavior is a confession of what's inside of them.

    Unfortunately, these attitudes are pervasive throughout the community. However, there are some (albeit precious few) who have hot faces, hot bods and are not aflame who don't possess these mental hangups. Statistically, you can't be the only nice hotty out there. You'll find one if you look long enough and just listen to your gut. You'll know when your love comes along...
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    May 25, 2008 3:08 PM GMT
    not sure what the problem is, i would say yes to you ;-)

    if i were single, otherwise the date aspect would be different :}
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2008 3:26 PM GMT
    Everyone is afraid of rejection. It's easier to be the speaker of no than to be told no.
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    May 25, 2008 3:30 PM GMT
    Life's Lessons...

    One time at band camp there was this decent cute girl who complained to another that the majority are such bitch's you can't even say hello. The concerned fellow camp goer responded: "What's really stopping you from saying hello? .. Bitch" icon_smile.gif
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    May 25, 2008 3:31 PM GMT
    Wow, what a nice positive attitude, how could you possibly be single?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 25, 2008 3:31 PM GMT
    Well I'm not sure what this is really about. A couple of points:

    1. I think if you ask someone for their number it shows you have interest in either getting to know them or for sex. While I'm not shy about asking for numbers, its always after the "I'm interested in getting to know you as a friend" speech. However if I were single, I would still ask for numbers for dates..

    As far as being chased. Some like to do that. I'm pursued whether I want to be or not and I don't give out my phone number unless I know the person is genuine and is friendship based.

    2. As far as most of us here being "bitches", I'm not sure what thats about. Some of us here have healthy egos, but most of us check it at the door or are grounded enough to realize how important it is to be decent people. I hope you can recognize the importance of that as you converse with some of us.
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    May 25, 2008 3:32 PM GMT
    Oh Friends, I thought we went over the dangers of cyber-surfing while intoxicated - do you need me to make a PSA video? It could star your hero Andy Dick.
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    May 25, 2008 3:36 PM GMT
    Friendship...i have no clue how to respond to that. Did something happen??? Maybe u just went up to the wrong guy or caught him at the wrong time or something??? Either way...don't be mad or bitter, among the bitchy asshole types there are ALOT of nice guys who, if not interested, have the manners to let a person down respectfully...although i can't really imagine a guy saying no to u (i'd take your numbrer without thinking twice about it). All i can say about whatever jerk was rude to u or whatever guy that says no to you is that its his loss more than it is yours.

    Btw...realize that rejection is a BIG part of life...you win some and you lose some but you'd never know if you dont put yourself out there.

    Ok..time for me to shut upicon_biggrin.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    May 25, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    Friendsmaybe saidDon't be bitches........like the majority of you are!!



    Hey, you're adorable, but perhaps you're giving off stand-offish airs that are keeping people at a distance. Maybe you should try reaching out and see if you don't get pleasantly surprised that someone reaches back in a positive way. I would have to say that the guys on RealJock are far more down-to-earth and approachable than on the average gay site. Just my take on it.
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    May 25, 2008 4:16 PM GMT
    Real men eat jell-o.

    I'm going to have to see your 'Decent Boy' card before I can comment further... just what is decent, anyhow?
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    May 25, 2008 4:42 PM GMT
    If the problem is everyone else, chances are you are the one doing something wrong.

    Check your game.
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    May 25, 2008 4:42 PM GMT
    Why does the gay scene lack depth to begin with? Yeah, I feel your concern for the nice guy. It's the competitive edge of the male, with the style and intuition of the homo that makes a snoody mixture for the nice guy rejecting fag. I hate the fact that people seek status and popularity driven by empty motive. It sucks. Tell your friends to stop being fags, and give the nice guys a chance. Were all people. Love your fellow man.

  • May 25, 2008 4:49 PM GMT
    It's not necessarily about being chased.. perhaps those nice decent lads are fairly shy about going up to a guy and asking... fear of rejection makes being chased a lot more welcoming and chasing.

    oh.. and first post btw icon_biggrin.gif Hi guys!
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    May 25, 2008 5:01 PM GMT
    Being chased and being approached are 2 separate matters.

    Shy guys are too overcome by fear to approach.

    Those who want to be wanted set-up the dynamics so that the other has to repeatedly chase them, well-beyond the initial encounter.

    There's definitely a difference.
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    May 25, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    Friendsmaybe saidDon't be bitches........like the majority of you are!!


    A cutie like you can't muster up the courage to ask a guy for his number?
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    May 25, 2008 5:16 PM GMT
    As a friend once told me, "He who hesitates, masturbates".

    If you're out there saying hi and asserting yourself as a confident person (the kind that your profile says you like) then the ones that don't respond have disqualified themselves. You may see more character in them, but apparently they can't. So move on.