Monogamy - natural or forced in a relationship.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    I have a belief that monogamy can work and is healthy if it naturally happens within a relationship (both partners want it). If monogamy is forced (I find it usually is to the point of neurosis by demands of one partner) it's what makes a relationship fail.

    I'm interested to know other guys perspective on this.
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    Oct 22, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    MrAsh77 saidI have a belief that monogamy works and is healthy if it naturally happens within a relationship. If monogamy is forced (I find it usually is to the point of neurosis) it's the fracture point of the relationship.

    I'm interested to know other guys perspective on this.


    Those aren't the only two options: natural or forced. It's also a commitment choice.
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    Oct 22, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    Touchy subject. . . .I just go with: it works for some people, and not for others, and it's totally cool either way as long as you are honest with your partner.
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    Oct 22, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    What do you mean by forced? Forced by someone outside the relationship? You could argue that denying temptation to stray could be considered forcing monogamy. It all depends on what you mean.
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    Oct 22, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    Different strokes for different folks. My relationships cannot be monogamous except with other asexuals, who are very thin on the ground. Therefore, I have open relationships with people who have sex with others, but understand that is not what I want.

    I've got nothing against polygamy, except when YourName2000 gives us graphic details about lubing up Cash, ThePenis and Ariodante. It seems more than I'd care to know. But as a liberal, I fully endorse any relationship.
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    Oct 22, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    If both guys actually want to be monogamous, then there's usually no problem because they're honest with their feelings. But where your "forced" scenario comes in is when only one guy wants monogamy and the other guy agrees because he wants to appease the other guy, without actually desiring exclusiveness himself. Monogamy can/does work with the former and, usually, fails with the latter because it's not what both people actually want.

    Disclaimer: This is my own totally biased opinion based upon nothing but my own observation.
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    7Famark saidTouchy subject. . . .I just go with: it works for some people, and not for others, and it's totally cool either way as long as you are honest with your partner.
    ^ this.
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    7Famark saidTouchy subject. . . .I just go with: it works for some people, and not for others, and it's totally cool either way as long as you are honest with your partner.


    We have a winner!!! Every relationship is different.icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    Oooh, I win? Do I get a cookie?! icon_biggrin.gif

    . . . .oh, wait, carbs. . . . icon_sad.gif no cookie for me.
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    Kalifornication said
    7Famark saidTouchy subject. . . .I just go with: it works for some people, and not for others, and it's totally cool either way as long as you are honest with your partner.


    We have a winner!!! Every relationship is different.icon_wink.gif


    Wait a minute...I thought that there was ONE gay guy that we were all supposed to be exactly like.

    You mean to tell me there ISN'T a Lead Gay?!?!?!?!!??!

    How the HELL am I supposed to function?!?!?!?

    Now I have no way of knowing how tight to wear my t-shirts!!!!!!!!
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    Cash said
    Kalifornication said
    7Famark saidTouchy subject. . . .I just go with: it works for some people, and not for others, and it's totally cool either way as long as you are honest with your partner.


    We have a winner!!! Every relationship is different.icon_wink.gif


    Wait a minute...I thought that there was ONE gay guy that we were all supposed to be exactly like.

    You mean to tell me there ISN'T a Lead Gay?!?!?!?!!??!

    How the HELL am I supposed to function?!?!?!?

    Now I have no way of knowing how tight to wear my t-shirts!!!!!!!!


    There is definitely a lead gay - it may or may not be Neil Patrick Harris ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    Animus saidIf both guys actually want to be monogamous, then there's usually no problem because they're honest with their feelings. But where your "forced" scenario comes in is when only one guy wants monogamy and the other guy agrees because he wants to appease the other guy, without actually desiring exclusiveness himself. Monogamy can/does work with the former and, usually, fails with the latter because it's not what both people actually want.

    Disclaimer: This is my own totally biased opinion based upon nothing but my own observation.


    That's exactly my observation as well! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 4:40 AM GMT
    Its really the only thing you can call safe sex.
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    Oct 22, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    MrAsh77 said
    Animus saidIf both guys actually want to be monogamous, then there's usually no problem because they're honest with their feelings. But where your "forced" scenario comes in is when only one guy wants monogamy and the other guy agrees because he wants to appease the other guy, without actually desiring exclusiveness himself. Monogamy can/does work with the former and, usually, fails with the latter because it's not what both people actually want.

    Disclaimer: This is my own totally biased opinion based upon nothing but my own observation.


    That's exactly my observation as well! icon_biggrin.gif


    I concur too!
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    Oct 22, 2011 7:08 AM GMT
    Animus saidIf both guys actually want to be monogamous, then there's usually no problem because they're honest with their feelings. But where your "forced" scenario comes in is when only one guy wants monogamy and the other guy agrees because he wants to appease the other guy, without actually desiring exclusiveness himself. Monogamy can/does work with the former and, usually, fails with the latter because it's not what both people actually want.

    Disclaimer: This is my own totally biased opinion based upon nothing but my own observation.


    I think, when it works, it's not out of wanting monogamy, it's about having no desire to seek sex outside the relationship.

    Monogamy is not a virtuous medals you put on relationship, it's just one (between many others) way to live and fuck with a soul mate.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Oct 22, 2011 7:40 AM GMT
    natural for some forced for others. i prefer one guy that is just me not saying u cant be happy with more then one i have heard about it but not my style.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Oct 22, 2011 8:11 AM GMT
    By "forced" you mean where one guy has all the say in what goes on? As you mention to the point of neurosis? That doesn't sound to me like a relationship, it sounds like abuse!! Or have I got this wrong?
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    Oct 22, 2011 8:12 AM GMT
    suedeheadscot saidBy "forced" you mean where one guy has all the say in what goes on? As you mention to the point of neurosis? That doesn't sound to me like a relationship, it sounds like abuse!! Or have I got this wrong?



    Forced meaning a person is pressured or heavily persuaded.
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    Oct 22, 2011 8:37 AM GMT
    7Famark saidOooh, I win? Do I get a cookie?! icon_biggrin.gif

    . . . .oh, wait, carbs. . . . icon_sad.gif no cookie for me.


    You get a tongue in your ear.
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    Oct 22, 2011 8:44 AM GMT
    RedheadedRy said
    7Famark saidOooh, I win? Do I get a cookie?! icon_biggrin.gif

    . . . .oh, wait, carbs. . . . icon_sad.gif no cookie for me.


    You get a tongue in your ear.


    I just looked at his private pics. His ear is not where i would be putting my tongue.

    just saying
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 8:48 AM GMT
    Lostboy said
    RedheadedRy said
    7Famark saidOooh, I win? Do I get a cookie?! icon_biggrin.gif

    . . . .oh, wait, carbs. . . . icon_sad.gif no cookie for me.


    You get a tongue in your ear.


    I just looked at his private pics. His ear is not where i would be putting my tongue.

    just saying


    OMFG TMI
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 8:58 AM GMT
    Shut it, Maggie.

    Take two gay penguins

    penguin1.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2011 11:36 AM GMT
    When I first came out at 40, I was very judgemental of the lack of monogomous relationships in gay men. Today I realize its not for me to judge, only for me to insist upon, as it relates to only me. I could go on about my theories of the "grass is always greener" syndrome with some gay men, but for me if your looking to settle down with one guy, its the foundation of a stable relationship. I insist...
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Oct 22, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    I don't really care whether a guy has ten boyfriends or one, it really isn't my place. Personally, I am a monogamous kind of guy. It works for me, doesn't work for others. As long as my boyfriend is willing to admit that he can't deal with seeing one person and one person only...

    But yes, I do think sometimes people overlook the fact that they simply are not cut out to date one person at a time. Some people just can't. There is nothing wrong with that, but some people just can't be honest with themselves and with their partners. Don't be in a monogamous relationship because it is expected, be in one because you want it.
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    Oct 22, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    Hmmm, this didn't get a little creepy at all lol

    flattered, or sketched? not sure haha