I can't tell you how many times I've encountered this. Your question and interest in black men represent a series of complicated issues for black gay men. I'll try to do this as quickly and as objectively as possible.So here's my suggestion.
If you see a hottie who's black, go ahead and complement his body, his smile, his voice. But leave all complements that refer to race out. Obviously your attracted to black men so there's no need to state the obvious here. Black guys hate it when you make them feel like a special project or experiment.. saying "I've never been with a black guy before" makes it sound like we're an alien or that we so strange to you. Also, saying. I've always wanted to get fucked by a black guy is also offensive.. again... as if sex with us is like fucking an alien.
Never assume that the hot, masculine black guy your talking too is a top. Many masculine black bottoms know that white guys assume that all black guys only like to top.. not true. This does not apply to me
Humor is a great way to break through the uber masculine image... believe me its real but its also just an image. Most black develop their masculine personae from the culture as children so for most it not act but again.. it does mean they won't act like a big ole girl sometimes.
If you go to an all black club or bar and you try to hit on a black guy your probably going to get shot down. The assumption is that black people go to black clubs to meet other black people. So white people are simply tolerated most times. This is wrong but its also reality. If they approach you first then your good and he's into you. If you go to a black club to meet black guys, go with at least one other black friend. hanging out with a black friend says that your not out just for sex..
If your in an all white club or bar you'll have a much better chance of talking to him and getting him in the sack. You can probably assume that any black guy in an predominantly white club or bar is also open to meeting white guys. However never assume that just because a black guy is in predominantly white club or bar that he will automatically talk to YOU. I personally hate it when a white guy assume that just because he is attracted to me that he is doing me a favor and so I must do whatever he wants.. trust this happens so don't be that guy.
Never ever fake or exaggerate an interest in black culture. In other words, DON'T ACT LIKE A WIGGER.. unless that is really who you are.
Remember black guys respect and like coolness and masculinity. Top or bottom... be cool, confident and masculine. Most black don't want to date or fuck just any white guy.. they want to believe the white they are with is special.. is cooler than most white guys, hotter etc.. not a "reject" or a white guy who has stop trying to be fit, neat and "together"
Appear to be selective. This means don't talk about all the other black guys you've been with. Telling us about all the other black guys you know, does not tell us your comfortable with black guys, its translate into you acting like a slut and wanting to fuck every black guy. Even if all you want to do is get laid for the night, make the black guy your with feel like you want to be with him, and only him so ignore or don't check out the other black guys walking by... remember be cool.
If you hit on a black guy in a white club and he's not talking back to you a lot. .don't assume he's not interested.. he may just be trying to read your level of interest.
The best way to show how cool you are is to be impressive.. not with money, but your comfort level and confidence. Remember some black guys expect most white guys to reject them socially, this is different from having sex with us.. so being comfortable in a social setting tells us.. them that your not ashamed to be seen with us.. them.
Last thing..... there is a "difference" between black guys who date black guys and black guys who are open to dating white guys. I would image that you would not encounter the black guys who only date black guys to often... they would not make themselves accessible to you so just know that some black guys are adamant about NOT dating or fucking white guys. Just except and move on to the next hottie.
Last thing... I've dealt with this very issue every sense I came out and started dating. Your gut seems to be guiding you in the right direction. Most black guys hate the idea of being objectified or being seen as just a black dildo or some black porno fantasy. The only black gay image used in gay culture is the dominant big dick guy or some bitchy mouth queen. We're never allowed to be the boy-next-door, all-american, the nerd, the professional, the standard or the norm. always a specialty, a niche or fetish. The secret fear is that if a white guy complements our blackness, our dick, our lips etc..then your not really interested in us.. just our blackness and sex. We know that we are more than just black skin and a dick. We hope that you know that too. I know it sounds strange to not want to be thought of just a sexual object but if its just about sex, then when the next black guy with a bigger dick, or better body walks by they..we are dumped and left alone. Many black guys are open to dating, fucking, marrying a white guy, what we HATE is the idea that we are some fetish or experiment. Many white guys don't know this but the truth is many black guys have white guys hitting on them or having sex with them but they would never date or be seen in public with them. Its so offensive to us and it hurts to think that our dicks and bodies are good enough for you but our minds, love and personality are not good enough for you and your friends.
Remember to have fun