The "non-scene" paradox.

  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Oct 23, 2011 4:10 AM GMT
    So many of us pick a place to live based on our general interests rather than our sexual orientation. We therefore end up with lots of like minded straight people and a small gay community. Since the numbers are already against us (being a minority of the population that is still closeted in many cases) this basically leaves us with an even smaller fraction of the dating pool to work with.

    As someone pointed out in another thread, if 1/10 of people are gay, maybe 8/10 of those are out and only 1/10 of those will result in mutual physical attraction, so (.1)(.icon_cool.gif(.1) equals .8 % or less than one percent of the general population to choose from. However, if we place further conditions on it like "he has to be willing to date a guy with tattoos on his neck" then the odds drop even further, and "has to eat well and exercise" they drop further still. So if we believe that a sizable portion of the gay community fits some cookie-cutter norm and we find ourselves falling outside of that norm, then it is all the more necessary to be someplace with LOTS of gay people, such as NY or SF, just to improve the odds. The less you fit into the mainstream "scene" the more important it is to be someplace where the "scene" is larger and includes more options.

    Bottom line, I should have settled in New York. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 23, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    I think the idea that 8 out 10 gays are out is way overestimating.
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    Oct 23, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    The challenge with non-scene guys is that it's difficult to identify each other sometimes. But I think the internet has helped alleviate this a little. It's easier to find/connect with guys with mutual interests. So no, it's not always necessary to live in a "gayborhood".
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Oct 23, 2011 6:47 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThe challenge with non-scene guys is that it's difficult to identify each other sometimes. But I think the internet has helped alleviate this a little. It's easier to find/connect with guys with mutual interests. So no, it's not always necessary to live in a "gayborhood".


    I agree we don't have to live in the "gayborhood" and the internet has made things easier, but it also only works well near a really major population center. Of course it could always be worse,,,I feel for the guys stuck in really isolated areas--though they probably have a higher quality of life in other ways.
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    Oct 23, 2011 9:46 AM GMT
    In principle, I think Vintov is right although it has some risk of people being defined by their sexuality. That said, the notion of 'sexuality is itself far more complex than just having a preference for same sex relationships; indeed, the complexity can better be found in the notion of 'relationship. I also agree with
    Iceblink when he comments about the assumed number of 'out' gays being 8 in 10; maybe (and only 'maybe') this is the case in NYC or SF but not more generally.

    Good subject to post, thanks Vintov
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    Oct 24, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    To me, what is Out? I will never be out. I am me, not a "gay or bi man." The only people who become acquainted with my sexuality is the people I intend to be sexual with or have been with. Friends and family know that I'm an iconoclast and don't ask for my sexual resume, just like I don't ask for theirs.