Serious inquiry

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    Oct 23, 2011 10:56 PM GMT
    Has anyone, for whatever reason (please describe the "reason" in your response,) after they have come out of the closet gone on a date with a woman? Was it disastrous because you ran into a gay waiter you made out with one drunken night at the bar? Did it ever turn into a second date and more with her? What do you do with all the comments from your friends about you switching teams again? icon_lol.gif

    She seems pretty progressive, more of the "do you like girls" kind of people than instantly going to the "looking for a STRAIGHT guy" way of thinking. I really, really dislike labels and "bi" is an idiotic label unless you are dating both sexes at the same time.

    None of the cookie jars I have my hands in over in gaytown are leading anywhere and I am not getting any younger - I want kids and a family before I break my hip. That is my "reason."

    Am I a horrible person for going on a date with her?
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    Oct 24, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    You are a horrible person if you are considering dating her because you have some vague desire for attention and think you want to have children and SHE is looking to meet, fall in love and commit to a fulfilling relationship with a man who is into her on every concievable level.

    If you are both upfront with one another and COMPLETELY know where you stand - it is fine.

    I have known of very few women who really dream of finding a guy who wants them merely for companionship to battle their fears of aging alone and the added benefit of a uterus.

    Like most human beings, they generally want to be loved and appreciated as something other than a consolation prize resulting from an empty cookie jar in Gaytown.

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    Oct 24, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    You only get one shot at life...at least that you are able to fully understand. So, if she is making you happy or you are interested in knowing more and spending more time with her, pursue her!

    Other people are always going to say shit because they don't live your life. Owning your life and doing what brings you joy is the only way to shut them up. It is your life, not theirs--despite how much 'advice' they may offer (both the positive and negative).

    As Cash stated above, be sure to have full on conversation laying out all the cards so she knows where you are coming from. If she is still up for seeing where things could go and you are still interested in seeing her, then go. However, if at ANY time you realize or question if the relationship is worthwhile, it would behoove the both of you in the long run to tell her so you all can see what needs to change.

    Pursue your happiness. Regardless of 'teams' or labels, you are a man and we males are lucky to have an open mind and heart like yours advancing our sex.
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    Oct 24, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    Cash saidYou are a horrible person if you are considering dating her because you have some vague desire for attention and think you want to have children and SHE is looking to meet, fall in love and commit to a fulfilling relationship with a man who is into her on every concievable level.

    If you are both upfront with one another and COMPLETELY know where you stand - it is fine.

    I have known of very few women who really dream of finding a guy who wants them merely for companionship to battle their fears of aging alone and the added benefit of a uterus.

    Like most human beings, they generally want to be loved and appreciated as something other than a consolation prize resulting from an empty cookie jar in Gaytown.



    I don't like the disclosure process too early on. If I find out she was in a lesbionic relationship for six years it would not bother me in the least. I am very type B about just adapting to changing circumstances.

    It's starting out as a mere companionship thing, just to have someone to go out to eat with and someone to buy cupcakes for. I develop feelings really quickly - so the odds are if we spend enough time together it will turn into something, unless she is horribly homophobic (not likely) or racist or one of my other dealbreakers.

    I think like most well-educated professional women that are aging and the biological clock is starting to tick (she is a little older than me) they are willing to amend their Prince Charming fantasy into something a little more accessible - someone with their own career, someone supportive, someone willing to stick around and not cheat. I've had a sinking feeling since I hit puberty that I am never going to be anyone's dream-anything, but I could probably make someone pretty happy when they are ready to settle icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 24, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    JakeGHK saidI have a hard time understanding.
    You may need to accept your bisexuality is what im seeing.
    Better with a bisexual woman prob.


    I'm not interested in dating both sexes, cheating on the wife with a guy, threeways, or any of that. I think that is a better functional usage of bi - doing those things.

    When I am chasing after guys: I am gay.
    In this scenario if it ends up working out - I am not going to be keeping my Grindr profile active for side action or anything like that.
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    Oct 24, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster said
    Cash saidYou are a horrible person if you are considering dating her because you have some vague desire for attention and think you want to have children and SHE is looking to meet, fall in love and commit to a fulfilling relationship with a man who is into her on every concievable level.

    If you are both upfront with one another and COMPLETELY know where you stand - it is fine.

    I have known of very few women who really dream of finding a guy who wants them merely for companionship to battle their fears of aging alone and the added benefit of a uterus.

    Like most human beings, they generally want to be loved and appreciated as something other than a consolation prize resulting from an empty cookie jar in Gaytown.



    I don't like the disclosure process too early on. If I find out she was in a lesbionic relationship for six years it would not bother me in the least. I am very type B about just adapting to changing circumstances.

    It's starting out as a mere companionship thing, just to have someone to go out to eat with and someone to buy cupcakes for. I develop feelings really quickly - so the odds are if we spend enough time together it will turn into something, unless she is horribly homophobic (not likely) or racist or one of my other dealbreakers.

    I think like most well-educated professional women that are aging and the biological clock is starting to tick (she is a little older than me) they are willing to amend their Prince Charming fantasy into something a little more accessible - someone with their own career, someone supportive, someone willing to stick around and not cheat. I've had a sinking feeling since I hit puberty that I am never going to be anyone's dream-anything, but I could probably make someone pretty happy when they are ready to settle icon_lol.gif


    So pretty much you have already considered all of the angles that are convenient for YOU. Cool. What was your question?

    There is a trillion miles between pre-adolescent Prince Charming faireytales and having to "settle."

    Maybe you are not anybody's "dream-anything." A horribly presumtuous statement btw not to mention a LAZY self-fulfilling prophecy. You are selling yourself hideously short and possibly denying something AMAZING to the person who really does dream of YOU - and yes they ARE out there. That however does NOT mean ANYONE on the planet should give up one iota of THEIR DREAMS to accomodate YOU and your current mood based on your success in a handful of local bars (if that).

    If the two of you are clicking - go for it. You really don't need any input from outside sources. If you are a grown enough man to consider fatherhood, you should be grown enough to figure out the nuances of keeping company and buying cupcakes.

    But for some reason this scenario just reeks of deception on your part not to mention a total lack of concern for her feelings. Your assumption that she should be willing to settle simply because you are is patently absurd - and convenient only for you.
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    Oct 24, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    Jeandeau said
    spaghettimonster said
    Cash saidYou are a horrible person if you are considering dating her because you have some vague desire for attention and think you want to have children and SHE is looking to meet, fall in love and commit to a fulfilling relationship with a man who is into her on every concievable level.

    If you are both upfront with one another and COMPLETELY know where you stand - it is fine.

    I have known of very few women who really dream of finding a guy who wants them merely for companionship to battle their fears of aging alone and the added benefit of a uterus.

    Like most human beings, they generally want to be loved and appreciated as something other than a consolation prize resulting from an empty cookie jar in Gaytown.



    I don't like the disclosure process too early on. If I find out she was in a lesbionic relationship for six years it would not bother me in the least. I am very type B about just adapting to changing circumstances.

    It's starting out as a mere companionship thing, just to have someone to go out to eat with and someone to buy cupcakes for. I develop feelings really quickly - so the odds are if we spend enough time together it will turn into something, unless she is horribly homophobic (not likely) or racist or one of my other dealbreakers.

    I think like most well-educated professional women that are aging and the biological clock is starting to tick (she is a little older than me) they are willing to amend their Prince Charming fantasy into something a little more accessible - someone with their own career, someone supportive, someone willing to stick around and not cheat. I've had a sinking feeling since I hit puberty that I am never going to be anyone's dream-anything, but I could probably make someone pretty happy when they are ready to settle
    icon_lol.gif


    Sounds like 2 desperate lonely people looking for ANYTHING no matter what if you ask me. If you're gay, why are you dating a woman. You can adopt kids. I think you need a) a bromance and to find friends b) to be up front with this girl... just assuming she might be Type B as well and will be like Yeah ok you used to take a D... NBD.. UN.LIKELY.

    The whole situation sounds very bizarre and mildly like you;re just desperate for whatever you can get no matter what form it takes?


    Thanks for the implied assertions that I am promiscuous and a bottom. Neither of which are true. But your passive-aggressive attempt to box in sexuality into a 19th century dichotomy of way-gay and totally straight, in an attempt to re-cast my serious inquiry as a ludicrous proposition, is duly noted.

    I have had ten years experience of chasing after guys that want nothing to do with me - if I ever see "my type" it is pretty easy to dredge up a memory or two of nothing ever happening the way I wanted it to go, and then I can just go on living with something comfortable I could be happy settling with (assuming the feelings develop and whatnot.)

    That's why I am in the "settle now" mode. That and surviving cancer earlier this year - that aged me a lot. Instead of a bunch of degrees on my wall, which mean nothing to anyone including me, I want a bunch of little spaghettimonsters running around to carry on the spaghettimonster name in case I am not so lucky the next time the big C makes an appearance.

    And I like naming things. I just named my new coffeepot last night and I am out of things to name until I go buy another appliance.
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    Oct 24, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    Cash said
    spaghettimonster said
    Cash saidYou are a horrible person if you are considering dating her because you have some vague desire for attention and think you want to have children and SHE is looking to meet, fall in love and commit to a fulfilling relationship with a man who is into her on every concievable level.

    If you are both upfront with one another and COMPLETELY know where you stand - it is fine.

    I have known of very few women who really dream of finding a guy who wants them merely for companionship to battle their fears of aging alone and the added benefit of a uterus.

    Like most human beings, they generally want to be loved and appreciated as something other than a consolation prize resulting from an empty cookie jar in Gaytown.



    I don't like the disclosure process too early on. If I find out she was in a lesbionic relationship for six years it would not bother me in the least. I am very type B about just adapting to changing circumstances.

    It's starting out as a mere companionship thing, just to have someone to go out to eat with and someone to buy cupcakes for. I develop feelings really quickly - so the odds are if we spend enough time together it will turn into something, unless she is horribly homophobic (not likely) or racist or one of my other dealbreakers.

    I think like most well-educated professional women that are aging and the biological clock is starting to tick (she is a little older than me) they are willing to amend their Prince Charming fantasy into something a little more accessible - someone with their own career, someone supportive, someone willing to stick around and not cheat. I've had a sinking feeling since I hit puberty that I am never going to be anyone's dream-anything, but I could probably make someone pretty happy when they are ready to settle icon_lol.gif


    So pretty much you have already considered all of the angles that are convenient for YOU. Cool. What was your question?

    There is a trillion miles between pre-adolescent Prince Charming faireytales and having to "settle."

    Maybe you are not anybody's "dream-anything." A horribly presumtuous statement btw not to mention a LAZY self-fulfilling prophecy. You are selling yourself hideously short and possibly denying something AMAZING to the person who really does dream of YOU - and yes they ARE out there. That however does NOT mean ANYONE on the planet should give up one iota of THEIR DREAMS to accomodate YOU and your current mood based on your success in a handful of local bars (if that).

    If the two of you are clicking - go for it. You really don't need any input from outside sources. If you are a grown enough man to consider fatherhood, you should be grown enough to figure out the nuances of keeping company and buying cupcakes.

    But for some reason this scenario just reeks of deception on your part not to mention a total lack of concern for her feelings. Your assumption that she should be willing to settle simply because you are is patently absurd - and convenient only for you.


    Well, I was hoping to consolidate stories here if anyone had been in the same boat and how it worked out in their given situation so I could try to distinguish my situation from their own in a case of failure, or to be able to re-work my situation, as it were, to conform to a successful fact pattern.
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    Oct 24, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster said
    Jeandeau said
    spaghettimonster said
    Cash saidYou are a horrible person if you are considering dating her because you have some vague desire for attention and think you want to have children and SHE is looking to meet, fall in love and commit to a fulfilling relationship with a man who is into her on every concievable level.

    If you are both upfront with one another and COMPLETELY know where you stand - it is fine.

    I have known of very few women who really dream of finding a guy who wants them merely for companionship to battle their fears of aging alone and the added benefit of a uterus.

    Like most human beings, they generally want to be loved and appreciated as something other than a consolation prize resulting from an empty cookie jar in Gaytown.



    I don't like the disclosure process too early on. If I find out she was in a lesbionic relationship for six years it would not bother me in the least. I am very type B about just adapting to changing circumstances.

    It's starting out as a mere companionship thing, just to have someone to go out to eat with and someone to buy cupcakes for. I develop feelings really quickly - so the odds are if we spend enough time together it will turn into something, unless she is horribly homophobic (not likely) or racist or one of my other dealbreakers.

    I think like most well-educated professional women that are aging and the biological clock is starting to tick (she is a little older than me) they are willing to amend their Prince Charming fantasy into something a little more accessible - someone with their own career, someone supportive, someone willing to stick around and not cheat. I've had a sinking feeling since I hit puberty that I am never going to be anyone's dream-anything, but I could probably make someone pretty happy when they are ready to settle
    icon_lol.gif


    Sounds like 2 desperate lonely people looking for ANYTHING no matter what if you ask me. If you're gay, why are you dating a woman. You can adopt kids. I think you need a) a bromance and to find friends b) to be up front with this girl... just assuming she might be Type B as well and will be like Yeah ok you used to take a D... NBD.. UN.LIKELY.

    The whole situation sounds very bizarre and mildly like you;re just desperate for whatever you can get no matter what form it takes?


    Thanks for the implied assertions that I am promiscuous and a bottom. Neither of which are true. But your passive-aggressive attempt to box in sexuality into a 19th century dichotomy of way-gay and totally straight, in an attempt to re-cast my serious inquiry as a ludicrous proposition, is duly noted.

    I have had ten years experience of chasing after guys that want nothing to do with me - if I ever see "my type" it is pretty easy to dredge up a memory or two of nothing ever happening the way I wanted it to go, and then I can just go on living with something comfortable I could be happy settling with (assuming the feelings develop and whatnot.)

    That's why I am in the "settle now" mode. That and surviving cancer earlier this year - that aged me a lot. Instead of a bunch of degrees on my wall, which mean nothing to anyone including me, I want a bunch of little spaghettimonsters running around to carry on the spaghettimonster name in case I am not so lucky the next time the big C makes an appearance.

    And I like naming things. I just named my new coffeepot last night and I am out of things to name until I go buy another appliance.


    Yikes! He wasn't implying those things at all - they are irrelevant anyway.

    You have MUCH more going on and to contend with then you initially indicated. In all fairness - and with utmost respect - you may want to consider talking with a professional. The past year may require a lot more sorting out than you realize.

    Good luck to you - I really truly wish you all the VERY best!!!!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    Spaghettimonster said, "When I am chasing after guys: I am gay."

    mm, personally I don't think so. If women also turn you on no matter which sex you're pursuing the other is still an attraction that it's up to you to forgo for love of another. You're Bi (if she's gets your rod hard, lol), and it's quite OK. Be honest with her before anything occurs. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Oct 24, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    I am "bi" or idiotic as you say icon_smile.gif I am no far in to the gay life at all and extremely uncomfortable with it all yet. But I see it as the person vs. the gender. I am attracted to the person, whether it is a guy or a girl. If you go any further with a girl then let it be for the reason that you are attracted to her for her and not your self-ish desires.