My heart says yes but my mind holds me back

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    Oct 24, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    So here is the deal... I just came out to a few close people in march but I am looking for a real relationship. The people that know have not seen me with a guy yet. I am the type of person that shuts down and stops talking when I feel uncomfortable or upset. Had a boyfriend of a month that ditched me because I could go anywhere in public and be myself, which meant he wasn't being himself and neither of us had a good time. I do not know how to get over this fear. Behind closed doors I am open with him and hiding nothing. As soon as that door opens and other people can see in, its like everyone is judging me and glaring at me. I live with three of by buddies that are straight and I am scared sick to tell them, so when my ex stayed over we had to make up stories of why he slept in my room. I have a cot that I use as a prop to say he was on that all night... IDK guys I am sorry to ramble but just looking for some advice I am ready to move on and be who I am but I don't know how to be okay with other people seeing it.
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    Oct 24, 2011 5:19 AM GMT
    Time. That and relocation. Atmosphere is everything. (I wanna ditch this place A.S.A.P.) icon_rolleyes.gif

    People are judging you. Constantly. Drawing conclusions that aren't necessarily true. But guess what? They walk past and have forgotten about you by the fifth step. People are very self absorbed, they're not thinking about us half as much as we like to believe.

    As for the roommates and anyone else for that matter they just have to deal with it. It's not up to you to explain yourself. It's kind of like driving, the first two months are scary but by month three you think you're a pro. Just be careful to not crash and burn, and always drive with your lights on....


    No seriously, it's safer for all considered.
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    Oct 24, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    GB is a small city. You're young and if you relocate to a big city, it will be very liberating. Chicago is only 3.5 hrs away. You will have a great time.
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    Oct 24, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    Don't apologize, this is a problem that is bothering you and there is no shame speaking out what's on your mind.

    Like Rodcet said, time is the first and foremost. And it's true, people are judging you everyday no matter where you go. It's just human nature. If you really want to change and be more open outside of closed doors, it just takes lots of work. I was like you too with my sexuality (and this was before I came out). I was always afraid of people judging me for my sexuality. But as I grew older, I started to get a mindset of "Why the hell should I care what other people think of me? They don't know the real me and if they really want to judge me, then fuck them because they don't know because the truth of the matter is they don't know who I really am and I do know who I am". And trust me, this also had a hand with my dress style since I dress slightly Goth and some people automatically think I'm a sadistic, animal sacrificing, Satan worshiping, evil freak when really, I'm not any of those things.

    Anyway, the point is. The only way you can get over your fear is taking baby steps to becoming the true you outside of the house.
    I hope everything works out for you and best of luck.