Douche? Flake? i need feedback here (or maybe just vent...)

  • neon_tiger

    Posts: 145

    Oct 24, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    Long story short. Meet guy on grindr. Been communicating for over a month now. exchanged contact info, so quickly out of grindr. I invited him to a concert on friday. Didn't get back to me until saturday to ask me how it was. This prompts a flirtatious conversation that ends in him inviting me over to his place, and proposing all kinds of exciting things to do, in and out of bed. it sounded great. I accept, since i had some time on my hands last night. So i head out and text him to get the addy for the GPS. No answer; call- no answer; a second, third, and fourht text- no answer. A second call, still no answer. Two thirds of the way to his place (at this point about an hour drive) i turn back.

    Today he txts me telling me he passed out on the couch at 7:00 and didnt wake up till today at 10:00 am, and that he had 5-20 hour days this week, plus a 16 hr day yesterday. I reply telling him that it seems like he needed rest more than anythnig else, and that i would have thought he was aware of that earlier when he was making up all these plans. This went over his head, and we went on talking about today. I asked him what he was up to, and he said he had to be at the plant (he owns a baking company) in the afternoon (he had said the day before that he was gonna be off today). At this point i ask him "So were you planning on kicking me out at 8:00 am?" and proceed to tell him that he might want to start aligning his thoughts and intentions with his actions, or he will start to create false impressions that he doesnt intend to create, compromising his integrity. He didnt understand what i meant, so i actually had to explain myself to him with examples and all- wtf?!

    Is this a case of severe self righteousness? What exactly i am facing here???
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    Oct 24, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    huasqui saidLong story short. Meet guy on grindr. Been communicating for over a month now. exchanged contact info, so quickly out of grindr. I invited him to a concert on friday. Didn't get back to me until saturday to ask me how it was. This prompts a flirtatious conversation that ends in him inviting me over to his place, and proposing all kinds of exciting tihngs to do, in and out of bed. it sounded great. I accept, since i had some time on my hands last night. So i head out and text him to get the addy for the GPS. No answer; call- no answer; a second, third, and fourht text- no answer. A second call, still no answer. Two thirds of the way to his place (at this point about an hour drive) i turn back.

    Today he txts me telling me he passed out on the couch at 7:00 and didnt wake up till today at 10:00 am, and that he had 5 20 hour days this week, plus 16 yesterday. I reply telling him that it seems like he needed rest more than anythnig else, and that i would have thought he was aware of that earlier when he was making up all these plans. This went over his head, and we went on talking about today. I asked him what he was up to, and he said he had to be at the plant (he owns a baking company) in the afternoon (he had said the day before that he was gonna be off today). At this point i ask him "So were you planning on kicking me out at 8:00 am? and proceed to tell him thast he might want to start aligning his thoughts and intentions with his actions, or he will start to create false impressions that he doesnt intend to create, compromising his integrity. He didnt understand what i meant, so i actually had to explain myself to him with erxample and all!

    Is this a case of severe self righteousness? What exactly i am facing here???


    A loser

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    Oct 24, 2011 4:49 AM GMT
    Not sure if you have skyped before to verify his looks but I think he might be a fake as clearly he's giving you the run around. He's not worth your time...and you're hot too, so he's probably insecure in meeting for all the fake things he said.
  • neon_tiger

    Posts: 145

    Oct 24, 2011 10:38 AM GMT
    We havent skyped, but weve shared enough pics for me to tell he is legit, and hes quite a hot man really. i do think he feels justified, and doesnt need the feel to acknowledge that he was completely inconsiderate...
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    Oct 24, 2011 11:42 AM GMT
    huasqui saidLong story short. Meet guy on grindr.
    Can't. Stop. LOL'ing. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 24, 2011 12:04 PM GMT
    You kinda answered your own question with this story. LOL.

    This dude seems to lack Time Management skills which is very important. He knows what he's doing and he's basically giving you the run-around and to top it off he isn't even aware when you call him out on his actions. According to you, they seem to go over his head and having to explain yourself to him about what you are saying is a bit odd considering he owns a company. That's a red flag right there.

    As attractive as he might be he's sending the wrong signals and doesn't seem all that interested and if he is then he sure doesn't act like it hence his inability to make time to actually meet you. Not worth losing sleep over. When he can figure a few things out and not dick you around then relight the interest I guess. Until then I wouldn't entertain being stood up because that's what seems to be happening.
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    Oct 24, 2011 12:22 PM GMT
    First, keep your chin up, man!

    Nobody deserves to be treated like that. By anyone. Would you let your friends treat you this way?

    Would he have much business if he treated his patrons like that? Likely not. I don't care what his motives or intentions are regarding getting together with you or how hot he may or may not be...his behavior suggests he lacks the skills and desire to make it work. I'm sorry (if that hurts).

    You drove 2hrs (round-trip) on the hope that his story was true...and he left you hanging. Is this any place to being a meaningful, mutually fulfilling relationship? Is he really worth your time?

    Just walk away...tomorrow has possibilities none of us can fathom. Let's embrace that truth!
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Oct 24, 2011 12:26 PM GMT
    First, your opening statement "Met a this guy on Grindr" right there you should know, never expect anything from anyone on a hookup sight.

    Second, you are way too hot to be worrying about his guy, move on and find someone who is mature enough to not play crazy assed games.
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    Oct 24, 2011 12:36 PM GMT
    Maybe I'm the eternal optimist, but I think you should let him make the next move here. You obviously drove up for him to blow you off, so now let him come down to see you, or something like that.

    Sometimes shit really does happen that doesn't make sense to people not "in the business". I had plans with a guy who pushed em back, flaked out, didn't call back/etc a few times consistently. Timing finally worked, and he wound up making the effort to drive to my part of town, took me out for dinner. If you think he's actually worth the time, then just chill out.

    Nothing great that is worth waiting for a) comes easily, and b) happens right off the bat.

    If there's any doubt that he's worth your time already, end it now and get over it. People are flakes/shady (in general, unless they have a reason not to be) especially in the gay community.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 24, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    He would have already been crossed off my list at this point.

    When evaluating this situation, look at the "best" and "worst" of the possibilities.... the worst being, he found somebody else to spend the evening with and blew you off... the best here being that he really was tired and just didn't have good time and communication skills. That might have been the truth, but he certainly didn't bother to tell you did he? I sure wouldn't ever go to someone's home (involving a drive like this) unless you have absolute confirmation that it was the plan (and even then... well?)

    I would have suggested meeting at a restaurant somewhere in the middle prior to anything else, seriously. He should be willing to put out (his time...lol) as well as you and if he isn't willing to meet you halfway (literally), I'd have eliminated him.

    No reason to be rude or nasty, I'd just consider this a lesson learned and move along. If you want to continue to talk to him, it's your call, but it sounds like ultimately, it won't be successful.
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    Oct 24, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    Well you are clearly hot looking. Do you seriously think he is too? He owns a baking company. I am pretty sure that means he's fat. He's probably sending you pics of someone else. You should post them. You have to verify they're real by webcam or request specific pics. Tell him it's your birthday and to hold a sign that says happy birthday to your name.
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    Oct 24, 2011 12:45 PM GMT
    huasqui saidLong story short. Meet guy on grindr. Been communicating for over a month now. exchanged contact info, so quickly out of grindr. I invited him to a concert on friday. Didn't get back to me until saturday to ask me how it was. This prompts a flirtatious conversation that ends in him inviting me over to his place, and proposing all kinds of exciting things to do, in and out of bed. it sounded great. I accept, since i had some time on my hands last night. So i head out and text him to get the addy for the GPS. No answer; call- no answer; a second, third, and fourht text- no answer. A second call, still no answer. Two thirds of the way to his place (at this point about an hour drive) i turn back.

    Today he txts me telling me he passed out on the couch at 7:00 and didnt wake up till today at 10:00 am, and that he had 5-20 hour days this week, plus a 16 hr day yesterday. I reply telling him that it seems like he needed rest more than anythnig else, and that i would have thought he was aware of that earlier when he was making up all these plans. This went over his head, and we went on talking about today. I asked him what he was up to, and he said he had to be at the plant (he owns a baking company) in the afternoon (he had said the day before that he was gonna be off today). At this point i ask him "So were you planning on kicking me out at 8:00 am?" and proceed to tell him that he might want to start aligning his thoughts and intentions with his actions, or he will start to create false impressions that he doesnt intend to create, compromising his integrity. He didnt understand what i meant, so i actually had to explain myself to him with examples and all- wtf?!

    Is this a case of severe self righteousness? What exactly i am facing here???


    Are you that desperate?

    "So i head out and text him to get the addy for the GPS. No answer; call- no answer;" ...

    this should have been an indication to you. i don't understand why you would even head out in the first place without his addy! the signs were there!
  • no1timehookup...

    Posts: 208

    Oct 24, 2011 3:38 PM GMT
    After the hour drive for nothing I would have STOPPED all communications with this person..
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    Oct 24, 2011 6:01 PM GMT
    BuiltA saidWell you are clearly hot looking. Do you seriously think he is too? He owns a baking company. I am pretty sure that means he's fat. He's probably sending you pics of someone else. You should post them. You have to verify they're real by webcam or request specific pics. Tell him it's your birthday and to hold a sign that says happy birthday to your name.


    You're quite retarded. I'm pretty sure that means you're dumb.
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    Oct 24, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to say but he sounds like a flake to me. A big flake at that. I mean, you should NEVER makes plans if you know you won't have time for them. It's best to be honest like saying "Oh I want to hang out but I can't for (insert here)" than lying about it. I'm not saying that this guy is just leading you on but you never know. And plus, it's Grindr. Have the guys on there turn out to be flakes anyway. But remember people, I said some, not all.

    If you really want things to work out with this guy, try talking about all this. But try not to overwhelm him. But talking is a starting route.

    I wish you the best.
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    Oct 24, 2011 8:20 PM GMT
    huasqui saidLong story short. Meet guy on grindr. Been communicating for over a month now. exchanged contact info, so quickly out of grindr. I invited him to a concert on friday. Didn't get back to me until saturday to ask me how it was. This prompts a flirtatious conversation that ends in him inviting me over to his place, and proposing all kinds of exciting things to do, in and out of bed. it sounded great. I accept, since i had some time on my hands last night. So i head out and text him to get the addy for the GPS. No answer; call- no answer; a second, third, and fourht text- no answer. A second call, still no answer. Two thirds of the way to his place (at this point about an hour drive) i turn back.

    Today he txts me telling me he passed out on the couch at 7:00 and didnt wake up till today at 10:00 am, and that he had 5-20 hour days this week, plus a 16 hr day yesterday. I reply telling him that it seems like he needed rest more than anythnig else, and that i would have thought he was aware of that earlier when he was making up all these plans. This went over his head, and we went on talking about today. I asked him what he was up to, and he said he had to be at the plant (he owns a baking company) in the afternoon (he had said the day before that he was gonna be off today). At this point i ask him "So were you planning on kicking me out at 8:00 am?" and proceed to tell him that he might want to start aligning his thoughts and intentions with his actions, or he will start to create false impressions that he doesnt intend to create, compromising his integrity. He didnt understand what i meant, so i actually had to explain myself to him with examples and all- wtf?!

    Is this a case of severe self righteousness? What exactly i am facing here???


    he's a flake. be over it.
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    Oct 24, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    huasquiMeet guy on grindr.


    That is the first problem I noticed.

    Also, this is anything but a "short" version of a long story.

    There are TWO whole paragraphs!!

    Lastly, I find your indeterminate ethnicity quite hot.

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    Oct 24, 2011 8:47 PM GMT
    He understood exactly what you meant. He was playing dumb. The guy isn't worth your time no matter how the situation turns out. At worst he's fake, at best, as others have said, he's an inconsiderate flake. Drop all contact. Don't respond to texts unless it's with "Do not contact me again."
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    Oct 24, 2011 8:49 PM GMT
    RedheadedRy saidHe understood exactly what you meant. He was playing dumb. The guy isn't worth your time no matter how the situation turns out. At worst he's fake, at best, as others have said, he's an inconsiderate flake. Drop all contact. Don't respond to texts unless it's with "Do not contact me again."


    The Redhead is wise in ALL things.
  • no1timehookup...

    Posts: 208

    Oct 24, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    Oh ya, I forgot you mentioned he owns a baking company.. I would have said one thing after.. Please deposit $100 into my paypal account for the inconvenience you've caused, and then send your email addy to his phone...
  • neon_tiger

    Posts: 145

    Oct 25, 2011 1:43 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    huasqui saidLong story short. Meet guy on grindr.
    Can't. Stop. LOL'ing. icon_lol.gif


    Yeah, right? lol
  • gymnewby1983

    Posts: 36

    Oct 25, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    Welcome to my world dude ! Without as many details but I'm used to it by now... yet... I take a chance, you never know.
    It's not the most healthy thing to do, but I try my best.
    One day, I'm sure I'll get the right guy... I just keep trying...
  • 1sub2bind4use

    Posts: 20

    Oct 25, 2011 2:04 AM GMT
    Perhaps baking in a factory for so many days & hours fries the brain.

    Though everyone replying has wonderful responses, "TU11" brings up an interesting idea, and it would be nice, should you choose to follow his advice, let us know how it turns out.

    ("TU11" said, ... "I think you should let him make the next move here. You obviously drove up for him to blow you off, so now let him come down to see you, or something like that." ... )
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    Oct 25, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    Sorry that happened. But I have to say, gay guys are flakey so I don't find it all that surprising.

    Gay men = flakes in general.

    Douchebags too
  • neon_tiger

    Posts: 145

    Oct 25, 2011 2:20 AM GMT
    Good feedback here guys- thanks! (except for the assumption that the guy is fat cause he owns a baking company- kind of a stretch on an assumption if you ask me!)

    Couple things: I know- grindr is not the best way to meet guys. But when you compromise the social opportunities that cities offer to the quiet quaintness of the country, you have to be willing to give some things a chance. One of such things is social networking. Ive developed some sort of intuition to sort guys on sites like grindr. The first is that as soon as i get the impression that i might be interested in knowing someone better, i exchange contact info and take the whole thing out of grindr. After two days, were eiter not communicating anymore, or communicating over our phones and emails. With this guy, we spent time on the phone multiple times and texting back and forth for a couple months.
    The other is that i must be willing to travel. An hour at least. So thats no biggie for me.

    Ill say that im not hung up on the guy. I do have to say that im very dissapointed, and angry over the situation, just because it all comes down to showing respect towardsa fellow human. I dont care if he passed out of hooked up with someone else. Just dont assume that you can dispose of my time by crating false expectations.

    I posted this here partly to get it out of me, and also to see if anyone has had a similar experience.

    Im very proud of the fact that i didnt have to use words like "flake" or "douche" or any other insult without substance, and that instead i told him exactly what his actions said about him and his character.